A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a guy for the last 4 months. I feel like he is already trying to mark his territory. Gave me two teddy bears with his colone sent.. three pictures of him on a frame. He left his toothbrush with his name labled. Now he is starting to show up without confirmation.I would never leave panties in a guys home unless we've been going out for over a year or two.I don't just show up to his house either.. How should i tell him to step back a little.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 21w +, writes (7 October 2010):
 I really think that you are not that interested in a guy. I don't think that we should judge him though. We know just your part of the story. Maybe he likes her that much? Or maybe he just doesn't know how to get closer to her and is copying some cheesy movie moves? Anyways...I don't think that LEAVE HIM is a good advise here. It is so easy to just leave, drop, break up. How is he with you? How do you feel with him? But again...if you don't like him, you should be upfront with him. I had a guy who tried to come over without calling me first. I didn't opened the door. (Made him think I was cheating though.) But after that I told him that it made me uncomfortable and he never did it again. But AGAIN...I didn't like him that much. So I think the real problem here with you. If you don't like him, just tell him that and don't fool the guy. But don't pick on his "weird" gifts. Maybe there is a woman who would love that from him. Just a suggestion. Best of luck!
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Was it 4 months until he started the teddy bears and pictures, or has it been IN the first four months?
How fast a relationship develops is personal, and relationships are about two personalities matching up.
So how fast is he going and is this unacceptably fast for you?
Just don't complain that if you ditch this guy for going to fast for your taste the next one moves to slow. You can see from the comments that opinions are divided on the what is the right speed.
Might I suggest that you two simply want different things and that if you feel you can't even say that to him before going to outsiders for help, that maybe there is more going on?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 I agree with the others...this man is needy. Be a little careful. Its very difficult to get rid of such people. He's taking a lot of liberties with you, and sort of trying to mark his territory in your life. His cologne, his toothbrush with his name on it...whats that about?? Doesnt sound too good. Please be firm with him and you do need to be wary.
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A
female
reader, sarahrose20  +, writes (4 September 2010):
if your still iffy after 4 months than i would wonder if maybe hes more into you than you are to him think about that maybe hes just testing the waters if hes given you teddy bears with his scent on them its supposed to give you comfort n remind you of him when hes not around which implies that he finds comfort in the same way i would leave a few things to satisy him like the toothbrush cuz it is a neccesity for morning breath but take back the non necessity items for him n politely you forgot such n such at my house n i fjgured you might need it so i brought it back
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Sounds like you have found a 'needy' male. I think you need to set some ground rules fairly sharp.
If you are used to having your own space, then this must seem like a total invasion of your privacy. I don't think that the time factor is such a huge issue, it sounds like the feeling of 'being taken for granted' has really annoyed you.
Tell him that you are happy to date him, but you don't want him moving in with you just yet. A toothbrush becomes his shower stuff, then he will want his own key and parking space. Whoooaaa!!!
Try to assure him that you can have a relationship without being joined at the hip with each other. I mean, you've done okay so far without him havent you? If he feels hurt and offended, so be it. He is not respecting you or your personal boundaries. He sounds like he may be a controlling type. Be a little wary.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 September 2010):
 The only way is directly. Tell him gently that you don't feel like the relationship is to the point where showing up unannounced and leaving a toothbrush is yet appropriate, and it's causing you to pull back from him. Tell him that you still like him, and that you want to continue, but those things he's doing is too soon.
Yes, I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, so temper it with telling him that you've been happy in the relationship, and that he's a good guy, but you're not there yet. To you, it feels like it's too much, too fast. Kinda like if you started dating someone, and he says "I love you" 10 days past the first date. AWKWARD.
His ego might be bruised, but just be patient. He will come around eventually. You have to draw the boundaries.
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A
female
reader, shapoopsy +, writes (4 September 2010):
 He gave you pictures of himself? Classic! Most women would be upset if they hadn't been given anything by four months. It's your space and your life, but you do come across as a tad picky. If you like him, you should consider cutting the guy some slack. I'm not sure if it's rude for one's boyfriend of four months to stop over without an invitation, but it's probably acceptable to many women.
Pick only the most important issues at hand and set your boundaries. Be direct, yet gentle.
Food for thought: there are worse things than silently picking up after your man!
Are you sure you're truly interested in him?
Good luck! ~Shapoopsy
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A
female
reader, JLAnna +, writes (4 September 2010):
Just tell him directly that you do not like that he is invading your privacy.
You have a right to have your own space and he cannot just come unannounced to your door.
What you can do is the next time he does that, is to not answer the door. You are not really hurting him, as he will have to go back to his place or to another person's place.
You will not be rude if you tell him,"look... I am not comfortable with you doing...
Good luck
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