A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,I've been with my boyfriend for four years and I've never had a reason to not trust him. Recently things have been rough but we seem to of worked through it together and everything for the last month has been great. However we went on a night out and a friend of mine seen him chatting to a girl at the bar and he bought her a drink. I confronted him about this and he said he met her in work earlier on in the week then happened to bump into her at the bar, they were waiting for there drinks and he got hers for her. He said it was harmless and because he isn't like that I believed him. Later on in the day he went to work and left his Facebook logged in on accident, I did what I shouldn't of done and snooped. I saw a message to a girl from last week saying 'hey are you okay? x' and then the girl had ignored him then He had sent her another message the following day saying 'did you have a good night out? X' and she had Ignored that as well, clearly not interested. I confronted him about this and he said he had met her in a club with all of the guys and she had added him on Facebook and told him to message her. As you can imagine I told him how ridiculous this is just because she apparently says so he has to. He said it is stupid but he didn't want anything out of it he was just saying hey. My point is if he was really that Into me would he be secretly messaging another girl twice in a row? He clearly wanted a conversation with her. That's two weekends in a row I've found things out about him and girls. It's made me lose my trust in him and now wonder how many other girls he's talking to behind my back. He's telling me I'm being silly and it wasn't meant to mean anything.
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male
reader, M Proops +, writes (26 March 2014):
4 years in a relationship,this is not appropriate behaviour from him,read him the riot act and if he ignores it move on and dump him.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 For us guys - when we are in our 20's - as we go through the neighborhood of life, we are constantly on the lookout to see if anyone else's grass is greener than ours. That's what your "B/F" is doing..... Stand by...
Good luck...
P.S. It also happens during every other age-range, in addition to the 20's.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345 +, writes (24 March 2014):
When a guy with a girlfriend messages another girl, that is not appropriate. This girl may not be interested in him but why is he messaging her? He needs to respect your feelings. It doesn't sound like anything romantic between them was said or done, but he HAS a girlfriend so shouldn't be messaging any girls.
I'm sure you can trust him. He's been open about this girl when you saw them at the bar etc and also about facebooking her when you asked him. So that's a positive sign. I'd suggest you talk to him again seriously and say ''I don't mind you having female friends but you need to draw a line with them somewhere. How would you feel if I was facebooking another guy? I'm asking for you to respect my feelings and keep me in mind when you're making friends with other girls. You're not single and need to respect our relationship more going forward'' hopefully this'll help. But try not to worry too much about it. It's easier said than done but by all means keep a close eye on things.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 The simple answer to your question is 'no'.
I agree with the others in that this is the beginning of the end and there isn't much you can do about it but accept it and bow out gracefully. Anything more is just unhealthy and frankly, I wouldn't give someone like this the satisfaction of thinking they were so important to me that I couldn't move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2014): Send him a face book message going something like like Goodbye. Don't waste the best years of your life when he is clearly interested in pursuing other girls.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (24 March 2014):
 Aw...sad way to see 4 years going down the tubes but yes, that is what is happening. He's lying, trying to cheat and then acting like nothing is going on and its just you making something out of nothing. WRONG! Trust should be the cornerstone of any relationship. Without trust, there is nothing. He has gotten to the point where he doesn't respect you. Find the exit door and walk out. Its going to hurt but its better to leave now before he really does cheat.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 March 2014):
 If your boyfriend of 4 years is adding girls and sending messages then yeah, things aren't all that great.
If you were the one messaging guys you'd met and continuing to try to keep in contact with them, I doubt he would take that as a 'nothing' and his concerns about that as being 'silly.'
I think you are now beginning the process of breaking up. Be smart, recognize your boundaries and don't settle for ridiculous crapola. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): You're not being silly. You've caught him at it.
Guys messaging girls behind your back don't forget and leave their Facebook page open by mistake. You snooped on your own accord; because you're suspicious of him. Don't gimme that nonsense you found it open by accident. If you weren't deliberately snooping, you wouldn't have gone through the messages.
When it has come down to snooping through his messages, trust is lost. Once trust is lost, there is no more relationship. Just one fight after another; every-time you feel insecure, or suspect he's flirting with other women.
It's now up to you. To continue to be suspicious, and snooping around; or have the talk that is long over-due.
Determine if the relationship has now run its course; and be ready to end it. He is now seeking other girls; because your relationship is becoming an unofficial marriage. He is tired of being faithful; and ready to see other women.
Save him the trouble of cheating on you. Dump him first.
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