A
female
age
30-35,
*agOfJoy
writes:I think my father is acting really weird. I've never been too close to him and whenever he wanted to kiss or hug me like my mother does, i silently rejected him because I didn't like it. That made him angry and we started to argue about unimportant things every time I rejected him. I didn't like this so I decided to reject him less and deal with his parental affection. Today, he touched my behind(butt) like those rude strangers sometimes do and I told him harshly that I didn't like it and asked him not to do that ever again. Then he said 'I was just having fun' 'Well, I wasn't so, please, don't ever do this again.' I warned him more than complained. We were in the kitchen and as i was eating, I realized he became silently angry but he didn't say or do anything and went to my parents' bedroom. He did something like several months ago too and, at that time, I only told him 'Hey!' and nothing more.Do you think I should worry? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, a7xluva101  +, writes (24 September 2011):
I think it could have been a one off thing, but if it happens again, you should tell someone or maybe report him for sexual harassment.
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female
reader, DanOMoore  +, writes (25 July 2011):
When one parent is unable to communicate effectively then it is impossible for any kind of agreement to be reached. Dan spent 2 yrs recording his partner's frustration with living with a totally dysfunctional man so she ranted and raved. Instead of working on his relationship, he spent the time setting up recording and editing the result, he formed his own webpage to bully and abuse her and happily keeps posting up edited versions of her misery 10 yrs ago with him. An IQ of 140 but he doesn't work, can't keep a relationship except with Andrew Pucci and he spends his days listening over and over to her voice from 10 yrs ago, her disgust and disappointment living with a man who can't help with the three babies, wants to sit on welfare and grow pot and hang around young boys who he wants to impress. He spends his days harrassing her and the children to force his rights to see the children who want nothing to do with him as he has bullied them and their mother on his website; tell him what you think on danomoore.com
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female
reader, hmcm +, writes (8 February 2010):
i woul keep my distant and go with your gut instincts my dad was like that when i was younger and its totally changed my behaviour toward him im always backing of if he gives me a hug and its been 20 years
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 February 2010):
 Same as Trish and Angzw..he's stopped drinking, he noticed you and him are distant, he wants to get close and be friends with his little girl, but he's not sure how to do it.
He wants to get to know you. Arrange some family stuff, bowling, cinema, shopping,somewhere that you can go together and you'll feel comfortable with someone else there. Build up on this, until it's just you and him doing stuff together. I know what you mean, and yes, feeling uncomfortable around dads makes us think of sex abuse. When it can a symptom of the distance between us and them. In this instance, it sounds like he misses all the times when he should have put you first. Build bridges, but if your uncomfortable about the way he touches you, then you've every right to tell him to stop.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2010):
 It sounds as though your dad isn't trying to abuse you, and it's good that you as a family have had a talk about it. I agree with Angzw's assessment that he is probably trying to feel close to you, but it is making you uncomfortable.
My dad and I hug and kiss and hold hands when we see each other. He puts his hands on my back but never touches my rear end--there's nothing remotely sexual in our contact with each other. We were a very huggy family and still are. Maybe you weren't? Some people just don't like to be touched and it sounds as though you are one of them.
If you love your dad, make sure you say it verbally to him, so that he knows it. Don't give him the cold shoulder for no reason. I think you and your family might benefit from some family therapy to discuss these things, then you won't have to worry any more. Tell them that you'd like to talk about things with a family counselor. I think it might help with your feelings and will make things clearer to everyone.
Take care.
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reader, BagOfJoy +, writes (6 February 2010):
BagOfJoy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your answers ^^
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (6 February 2010):
I think this is one of those situations where you were never close to your father when you were little and he is now trying to make up for lost time by being close to you now. Just tell him the truth that you like your physical space and dont like being touched. At your age (over 18) and with your vocal abilities, I seriously doubt that he is trying to abuse you. I think he is trying to be close, a stage he missed with you and he is doing this inappropriately. I remember occasionally sitting on my dad's lap and kissing him on the lips (peck) well into my late teens and there was never any impropriety on my father's part AT ALL. I felt completely safe with him. My cousin also had her dad slap her bum occasionally to annoy her boyfriend who obviously couldn't do that in his presence. Your dad may have friends who he has seen have this level of comfort with their daughters and he may be trying to imitate their closeness. But if you didn't grow up perched on his lap since you were little, its unlikely that you can ever grow into it and I can see why you are uncomfortable. If he was trying to sexually abuse you his initial approach would have been more subtle and secretive and probably started earlier, unlikely now that you are over 18. And the feisty ones (like you) are often safer than the quiet more compliant kids. We see a lot of abuse type posts here and I work with abuse victims, but I truly feel in this case, with the information you have given, it is unlikely occuring here. Just be honest with him that you dont like it and that it makes you feel violated. I'm sure he will listen to you if you give him that as a reason.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (6 February 2010):
I think this is one of those situations where you were never close to your father when you were little and he is now trying to make up for lost time by being close to you now. Just tell him the truth that you like your physical space and dont like being touched. At your age (over 18) and with your vocal abilities, I seriously doubt that he is trying to abuse you. I think he is trying to be close, a stage he missed with you and he is doing this inappropriately. I remember occasionally sitting on my dad's lap and kissing him on the lips (peck) well into my late teens and there was never any impropriety on my father's part AT ALL. I felt completely safe with him. My cousin also had her dad slap her bum occasionally to annoy her boyfriend who obviously couldn't do that in his presence. Your dad may have friends who he has seen have this level of comfort with their daughters and he may be trying to imitate their closeness. But if you didn't grow up perched on his lap since you were little, its unlikely that you can ever grow into it and I can see why you are uncomfortable. If he was trying to sexually abuse you his initial approach would have been more subtle and secretive and probably started earlier, unlikely now that you are over 18. And the feisty ones (like you) are often safer than the quiet more compliant kids. We see a lot of abuse type posts here and I work with abuse victims, but I truly feel in this case, with the information you have given, it is unlikely occuring here. Just be honest with him that you dont like it and that it makes you feel violated. I'm sure he will listen to you if you give him that as a reason.
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female
reader, BagOfJoy +, writes (6 February 2010):
BagOfJoy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've never told my mother but she saw that I'm distant towards my father. A few months ago we had a 'family' talk(my mother, my father and I) and they asked me why I am pushing him away so often. My father said that he loved me as his child and not any other way. He said that it wasn't like he was attracted to me and if it ever happened anything wrong I should tell my mother.That's why I don't know if I should worry or not.I'll tell my mother about this only if he does this one more time because I don't want to cause any tension between them.
If it counts,my dad likes to drink beer and when he does he becomes more angry and gets easily annoyed.Lately,he didn't drink beer anymore because he thinks beer makes him fat and also because my mother kept telling him to quit it.
And it's not like I don't love him I just don't like when we're too close.We're almost never on the same page but I sometimes like talking to him about random things we have in common.
Thank you all a lot for your answers!
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female
reader, texas_gal +, writes (6 February 2010):
Yes, worry a lot! But do something about it and get your mother or another responsible adult involved! Have you even told your mother? If so, what was her reaction?
I am very sorry this is happening to you. At the same time I am proud of you for standing up to your father. But you shouldn't have to do so on your own. Children and adolescents should be protected from abuse by the adults in their lives and by society in general. Where is your mother in all this?
It would be interesting to know more of the background between you and your father. Nothing would excuse his behavior. It is simply inappropriate, unhealthy, unacceptable, intolerable; no matter the past.
You sound like you are wise beyond your years. What brought this about? Were you forced to grow up fast because of dysfunctional patterns in your family? Have there been other more subtle hints of abuse? Alcoholism or drug use in the family? As others have said, trust your gut. Don't let anyone manipulate you.
There used to be an anti-abuse campaign that used "NO! GO! Tell!" as the principle slogan. And tell until someone believes you. There is an organization called Into the Light which may help, too.
Good luck and God bless you
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 February 2010):
What does your mother say about this? Is she aware of your distrust of his motives?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 February 2010):
Be on your guard. People say trust your gut instinct, and your instinct says something is wrong. So be on your guard.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 It's not misunderstanding, not socially inept, not having fun. Just a sicko. This is going to escalate. He is shameless and manipulating. He is testing your limits. Don't be afraid to call the police on your dad. Do it before he does something crazy, who knows what that is.
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male
reader, NM1218 +, writes (5 February 2010):
It is odd,but you should provide background on why you never loved or liked or father.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 It does sound a bit odd that he would touch your butt. My father whom I am very close to has never done anything like this. It is particularly odd of him when he must be aware of your feelings of not being that close to him. Is he an awkward person with friends and aquaintences? I just wonder if he's one of those people who says and does inappropriate things because he is socially inept and unsure of himself? I would certinally be on my guard around him for sure. Can you engineer it so that you are never in a room alone with him?
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reader, MissKin +, writes (5 February 2010):
 I think u should just avoid any contact with him. Be plain with him. Keep telling him it's inappropriate and wrong and you don't like it. Don't let it go any further - if it ever was going to. It could be a misunderstanding but even if it WAS just a misunderstanding he should respect your distance. I don't like to hug my dad or anything much either as it feels a bit weird. x
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reader, Angzw +, writes (5 February 2010):
But maybe give us some background on why you have never been close to him??
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