A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with a girl for a few months, and it feels like I have been almost pressured into being with her. It's only been about 2 months, but I am already finding myself craving time alone without her there. She hasn't done anything wrong, but she just seems too different to me for things to work. She is at a very expensive grammar school (I don't know what the US equivalent is) and lives in a huge house with two incredible wealthy parents and no siblings. Whereas I live in a house just outside the city, and my parents have to work hard for us to get by OK, and I have a brother also. I met her through mutual friends at college (high school for US) and to begin with I wasn't sure I was that into her, a month or so down the line she started calling me her boyfriend, and I guess I just went along with it. I didn't even hold her hand, let alone sleep with her until it was official. In 3 months time she is going to be moving away for University ('College' in the US), and we have already agreed the relationship should end when she leaves. I don't really see much point in carrying on, she isn't a bad person, but she gets on my nerves somehow. My problem is that I don't know how to end it, I am supposed to be going to stay at hers this Wednesday, and I want it work out a reason to end it. The only thing I can think of is saying that it feels slightly pointless. Ask any questions you want, if I have missed anything out. Thank you!
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 tell her exactly what you told us:
"it's not you"
"you are lovely"
"I don't want to hurt you"
"it's just not working out for me on several levels"
do not give her the "we can just be friends" speech... ugh that just makes it worse.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 How hard can it be telling her he truth ?
Surely not much harder than cold shouldering her, inventing excuses to get out of dates , or going through said dates with a polite smile in your face and something totally different in your mind , wishing you were somewhere ele. Not harder that going to bed with her, closing your eyes and....thinking of England :)
YOU made a mistake, that of let her and circumstances drag you into a relationship that you did not want to begin with. Now it's up to you to fix this mistake, if you don't you are willingly giving her false expectations and misrepresenting reality, i.e. making fun of her which , you admit, she has done nothing to deserve. So, grow up some instant backbone, go talk to her, and, next time, only say what you mean and mean what you say.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 You just need to tell her the truth. Tell her its not working out for you and you need to be alone, and there's no point waiting for her to go and then end it. That just seems like delaying the inevitable.
...............................
A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (4 July 2011):
 On one level, i'm tempted to say tough 3 months out BUT I think shes into you and I am guessing that was your suggestion and not really what she wants, so if you let it carry on that long she may take hope from that that and try and continue something you dont want. So, I think your going to have to come out with it but be a bit subtler than saying she get's on your nerves. Try and be at least considerate of her feelings. A better way to put it, which is less abrasive and hurtful is for example, you could say something like 'I don't feel we are right for each other' and then detail some of the reasons you outline here. Try and also avoid saying its pointless which again strikes me as potentially being unnecessarily cruel.
Try and be gentle but don't lie and don't make up some wishy-washy excuse which will leave her wondering what went wrong and/or maybe entertaining hope of reconciliation. In your case, i'd probably avoid offering friendship because she is clearly not somebody you would like to spend time with even as a friend and it will only drag out the pain for her. Try and let her down gently but firmly because she is clearly more into you than you are her and she is going to be hurt. Good luck :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank god you got out of that one when you did is all I can say! haha.
It really is hard, I don't really wanna upset her, she is lovely, and her parents are wonderful to me, but I just dont feel the way she does. I wish I had put my foot down and not let her presume we were together. It's been too long now, I can't say I never felt ANYTHING, because it simply isnt true, I just don't feel quite as much as her. In reality, it's a lot harder to do than it is to write, and I will need to think carefully on how to end it. Thanks anyway
...............................
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Eh, really i would just tell her exactly what you feel.
It may be harsh, but being honest is the best way to go here.
Tell her you felt pressured into the relationship from the get-go, and that you've thought it over and since it's ending when she goes to college anyways, you think it's doing her a disservice and wasting her time when you really don't feel anything anyways.
I had a girl who pulled a routine like that on me, too. Back in university i was working part-time at a garden and home decor store. There was a cashier there whom, for some reason, everyone told us both that we had "great chemistry together". Like, anytime i got called to the front to help someone out, the customers in question would say 'wow, are you guys dating? cause you have incredible chemistry".
Everyone said this. I didn't feel it. The girl was kinda cute, but way too young for me so i didn't give it a second thought.
Apparently she took what everyone was saying to heart and suddenly i started hearing that we were dating.
I went and spoke to her about this, she said "well, everyone says we have great chemistry. Is it alright if i tell them we're dating?" At the time i just didn't really care, so i told her "whatever".
One night i gave her a ride home, and she tried to pull the old "my parents aren't home tonite..." line.. I told her "not gonna happen".
2 weeks later she quit the job because she was pregnant.
THANK GOD i didn't sleep with her.
...............................
|
