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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Recently,on dating site, I have got 42 years old American woman interested in me and it's been two weeks since we have expressed love for each other.I'm 30 years old. She has 11 years old daughter from her first love who left here 6 years ago. She lives with a friend and going through tough financial position . She is madly in love with me but I'm faking it around that I love her. I just want to use her to reach to USA so that could help my family back here as American Dollar has big value here if converted into our currency. She also smokes and I don't feel comforting kissing a girl on lips who smokes. She thinks I'm the most wonderful person on earth and that makes me feel even more guilty about myself and my real intentions . She promises she would quiet smoking once we get united but I don't how to develop feelings for her? Also want her improve her dressing and makeup sense so that I could start developing feelings for her and how should I tell her to do this for me so that I don't leave her once reach USA and remain loyal to her? She is very nice woman and if I let her go I will not be able to go to USA and will remain stuck here not earning much. What should I do now? I would appreciate if you guys could help me on this!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 It's not so easy to use an american to get into the country any more... you will have to marry her to get any type of permanent status here.y. and family not so easy to bring any more... we can't afford the "give me your tired and poor" any more....
you must tell her the truth.. it's been a few weeks not a few months or years... it will hurt her a lot less now than later on...
EVEN if you did care about her you would not care about her as she is only as you dream of wanting her.
Be a GOOD man and tell the truth to her... and then for your sanity and HER sanity go NO CONTACT... do not permit emails, phone calls, texts, skype, facebook etc...
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (1 January 2012):
Your conscience is catching up with you. You just found out you're too good a person to take advantage of someone like that. So go the extra mile and break it off with her. It's the only way you'll be able to live with yourself. This will eat you up inside if you go through with it.
Plus, going to another country in hopes of getting lucky there often doesn't pan out as well as people hope. The US isn't the land of milk and honey people make it out to be. Not anymore anyway.
The economic crisis is pretty bad here. Lots of people have become homeless and lots of others who used to be middle class have trouble fending for themselves. Everyone I know has financial troubles. This woman, though she may not be poor, won't be swimming in cash. So wake up.
What will happen is that you'll get there feeling guilty and unattracted (this will not change, believe me) and on top of that you'll feel disappointed when you don't land a job right away. And when you do find one, your own expenses will take up most of the money you get. You may support your family a bit back home but will it make you happy knowing for them to live a better life you have to ruin someone else's?
Plus in order to stay in the US you need to get married. This woman will not just marry you on the spot; you'll have to work for it. And doing that while you don't love her is a hard thing.
This is a recipe for disaster. It will shatter the both of you. I get you want to support your family and that's a good cause--but not at the cost of everything. It will make you very miserable if you do it this way.
Deep down, you are a good man. Don't betray yourself.
Let her down slowly. Tell her that you haven't been entirely honest; that you found out you cannot return the feelings she has for you even though you tried. And then let it die out. You will live a better life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): Be honest with her, and end it. What you are intending to do is wrong, you will absolutely shatter her heart, and make it even more difficult for people who do genuinely love someone and want to move to a country to be with the person they love. your intentions to your family maybe honourable, but your intentions to this woman are dispicable. She deserves better than being treated this way, and I think you know this. Do the right thing and tell her what your true intentions are and let her then decide. The thing that gets me, is you want to use her to get into the USA, but you want to change things about her to satisfy yourself. How selfish can you be?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): "I don't have feelings for my girlfriend and feel guilty because of my real intentions behind having a relationship with her. What should I do?"
Do the right thing and let her down gently and with dignity intact because you don't have feelings for your girlfriend and feel guilty because of your real intentions behind having a relationship with her.
Just don't tell HER why; then you can walk away from this knowing you really aren't a creep and a jerk and a loser so you will never do something so scummy to another woman. Ever.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): I think you're using someone who probably genuinely cares for you which is really horrible. It's not ok to do this whatever your circumstances are. Why don't you tell her the truth and see if she still wants to be with you in order to help you get to the US?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Honesty is the BEST Policy and what you are doing, regardless of 'intentions' is dishonest.
I do not agree it will ever be right to express love to someone you do not feel love for. That hurts another. Its morally wrong to hurt others and lie.
I say end it and wait to find someone you actually fall in love with and will want a life with.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 That's a really tough decision because on one hand you do have good intentions in that you want to help your family out and I am sure that it would be a big help. On the other hand you would be hurting this family.
Although it is terrible that you would hurt her if I was faced with this choice I would most likely go through with it, especially if that meant security for my family.
Again I say that it is a very tough choice to make but in life you are faced with tough choices that have both good and bad sides.
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A
male
reader, tobson +, writes (31 December 2011):
I think you have already discovered how immoral and wrong your intentions are. You should try to achieve succes on your own not on the back of somebody else or you will lead a miserable life - no matter how much money you make.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): You might end up stuck in the USA earning zero. That`s if they let you in. Immigration officers are not stupid.
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A
female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (31 December 2011):
You should just be honest n let her make a decision on it based on the truth you told her than lies you sold her.
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