A
male
age
51-59,
*crew Up
writes:I have been married 8 years. My wife emotionally is not close to me. I admit I have done some wrong. I have cheated on her twice and I deeply regret it. Ever sine then I have done everything I could possibly think of to get back into her good grace and she is not feeling me. Is she gone forever? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (6 February 2010):
 What exactly are you doing to get back in her good graces? Are you just saying "sorry" and bringing flowers and such, or are you really behaving in a way to regain her trust?
As the cheating spouse, you should be prepared to spend some time in the doghouse. This is not something that will just go away. It also isn't anything she's going to forgive easily or willingly. She's going to punish you for a little while before all is forgiven.
Please don't expect things to continue as if nothing has ever happened; she's not going to get close to you emotionally right now because you don't deserve it. Answer any questions your wife has, ask her how she feels and where she thinks you should go from here, if she wants to work on the marriage. What she tells you may be painful to hear, but you need to hear it.
I don't know your wife; she may or may not be the forgiving kind (I'm not). But if you really regret your actions and want her to love and feel close to you again, you're going to have to put in LOTS of work and take lots of abuse until she's ready to feel close to you again.
You messed up and you gotta take your lumps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2010): Its no suprise shes distant. Why not leave her and let her find someone better?
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A
female
reader, pinkgoblin15 +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Well if I was a guy, in your position, I would propose renewing our vows. Except for saying something really deep like your proposing to her for the first time again. Because my husband cheated on me three times then when we got married I trusted him more then I did when we were just dating. Because marriage means a whole lot to me.
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A
female
reader, Rafaella  +, writes (5 February 2010):
I would suggest for you to go for couples counselling, but only if you still love each other.... I think if you still love each other and want to stay married then you have to commmunicate and resolve issues. She resents you and feels deeply hurt, and yes she can't trust you anymore and even though you might work it out eventually, the mistrust and doubts will always be there no matter how long time goes by...
And you need to understand yourself too? Why did you do what you did? Were you getting bored and unhappy, or maybe you were pretty happy but thought you could cheat on your wife and never be caught?
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, junebug81409 +, writes (5 February 2010):
ok im gonna be honest.my husband hurt me in the past just like u hurt your wife.the first time i was blown away and couldnt believe it and it made me very jelous of other girls and made me wonder everyday what he really is doing when he leaves the house.then the second time i just felt like i didnt even matter.i felt like he didnt even understand what he did.the second time is a feeling a never want again like i felt so low like i was dirt and like it was in my head that its suppose to be like that.i tried to pull away my feelings for him cuz i knew it was gonna happen again but really he did a 360 and was like u.he was very sorry but i still found myself pulling away and every woman is diff about how they get over things like this but my husband told me every day he love me and how beatuiful i am and gave more kisses and hugs and listened to me whenever i wanted to talk and bacisaly time and trust is key.over time it will get better and build the trust.always listen to her.good luck!
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A
female
reader, sltaylor +, writes (5 February 2010):
 Maybe. Cheating once may be forgiven but cheating twice well you better be glad shes only emotionally distant. I think you may have wronged her in the worst way possible. I know if I was your wife, I would have divorced you after the 1st time. Your wife does not trust you which is a really big deal in a relationship let alone a marriage. Im not sure what to tell you on this one, sir. Ask her if she wants to stay married and if she is, you guys need to work on your marriage thru counseling maybe.
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