A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm having a big problem with my fiance... he loves getting orals, even insists on it... but won't give me any. the main problem is that fondling and all the rest, including penetration give me orgasm, but not really powerful. my ex always gave me head, and it truly is the only way for me to get those mind-blowing, breathtaking earthshaking orgasms you read about in novels, but I still get none from him. no matter what I say or do, he's as unmovable as a rock. i really love this guy, we're living together and actually planning to wed really soon, but I can't imagine a life without oral, giving and not getting. i've always been faithful, but at this rate will I still be so 10 years down the road?
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male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 There was a similar question recently by a man who wanted to cheat on his wife to get oral sex. The aunts and uncles slaughtered this man for being 'disrespectful', 'immature', a 'control freak', etc etc. I was one of them.I firmly believe that sex should be pleasurable for both parties, and when sex becomes a power struggle, it simply leads to bitterness and resentment. I do not believe that cheating is the answer, but this is a tricky problem. On the one hand, if your fiance loves you, he will go down on you if and when he feels like it, and never blankly refuse. On the other hand, you shouldn't push him to do it all the time, as this makes him think thats its all you ever want. I see that some advice is for you to refuse to do things in the bedroom to get your own way. Wow. That is just nonsense, and a little sad. There is no love or passion in that sort of thinking is there. The 'I wont do this, if you won't do that' attitude is shocking and sour. I could never enjoy sex like that. Maybe I'm just lucky.You have to talk to him, and let him know that by going down on you, he is giving you amazing orgasms. Tell him that many women need a tongue rather than a penis to rock their world. This may come as a sharp shock to his 'male' pride, but it's your body and you know how it works. If he loves you, he will do it willingly. It might not be as often as you would like, but he wont feel like you are pressurizing him, and he is more likely to want to give you that thrill.
A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 i totally agree with pickles..
it has to be "give & take" :)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 I'm in total agreement with "pickles" who nailed it. Happiness throughout life is typically an equally shared partner relationship and enjoyment. It falters if one partner fails to nurture the other's needs.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (12 August 2009):
 Have you discussed this with him? Have you asked why?The lack of communication regarding the issue is more troubling than the lack of oral. Though I can understand how that must feel as well, when you're willing to do whatever it takes to please your partner it can be very frustrating if they don't have that same willingness to please you.Has he ever given you oral? Ask him directly, if he enjoys giving oral. If the answer is no (which if he's never giving it to you, I assume it will be no) ask why. Explain to him how amazing orgasms through oral are, surely the thought of giving you an amazing mind blowing orgasm should be a turn on for him? I guess you could play the withholding game, but really I think that will just create resentment and prolong the issue. If you wish to take a less direct approach than communication I suggest maybe teasing him in bed. Next time he wants to have sex with you, tell him he'll need to make you a little wetter and then guide him. Or you could take the more dominant approach and while fooling around just position yourself directly above his face! But again, I think communication is best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): Wake up and tell him that today, your going to get oral sex, and you're giving him first chance...He's selfish, and KNOWS that you'll give in. Tell him what you want, and then let him WAIT till he gives it to get ANY kind of sex from you... that will generate a response... no going down, no play... simple... you hold the power - you have what he WANTS!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): obviously this is a huge problem that needs to be addressed. how are you bringing the subject up to him? best way to do it... if your that admiment about it and can't find a way to make him understand next time your being intiment why not go into the 69 position... if he refuses then you really need to have a conversation at that point and not sex..... a serious issue that needs to be confronted before marriage especially if your questioning future fidelity.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (12 August 2009):
This is actually a tough one. You should very very seriously try talking to him once again. But i guess it seems youve already tried. Now, I realise that sex and pleasure are a very vital part of any marriage but if you love this guy, and cant be with another man, itd need some compromise and effort on your part. be a feminist and stop giving him oral too and be like id give it when id get the favour returned too.(if you dont act immature this is so not thw way) any other ways you cud get a stronger orgasm by?
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