A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi... How should I say this.I meet the most wonderful women in my life a while ago, shes very interesting, fun, quirky, funny, cute and a very wonderful person overall and I love her dearly and she means the world to me. Except she has PTSD, depression and has brain scaring. And as a result shes really angry, Jealous, and beginning to become controllingHer Jealousy, She keeps accusing me of staring at other women and its to the point where she thinks I am stairing at other women that I dont even see around me and someone who has just walked by. She also has started to accuse me of cheating on her and that I will cheat on her in the future. When she gets like this is get extremely verbally abusive and except me not get upset at her when shes calling me names. She also sends me pictures of other women and asks me to rate them and then she starts to get angry. When I Reassure her she does not stop she keeps it up. And when I try to stick up for my self she gets even more angry. She keeps getting worse now that I am going back to college in January she keeps thinking I am going to leave her for another women.She Keeps brining up women I had crushes on in the past and gets angry at me for liking them before I met her and trys to say that I was unfaithful for having them in my life before herWhen I try to tell her how she acts she gets angry at me even more so and excepts me to comfort her when she is verbally abusive and expects me to not get upset.I am not a perfect either I was abit dishonest about something in my past over something I was ashamed about. it had to do with the relationship(if you would call it that) I had with women 2 years ago and my girlfriend wanted to know every single detail. And I was dishonest about some of the details, it had to do with the shame I had because of it. She is right to be angry about it, but she has gone over the edge.Also shes starting to become to be controlling, saying I am not allowed to even have common everyday contact with women or work with other women and how I should look and act. And shes saying that I should have limited contact with my family when I move away and if I live with her they cannot come over either. And when I tell her thats not going to happen, shes gets angry. And shes also has started harassing women I known in the past sending them angry emails, and when I tell her thats not a good thing to do she thinks I am defending them.Shes also gets upset when I dont buy her everything she wants, I dont have very much money and cant afford to buy her everything she wants and we some times split of meals because I simply cant afford to pay for everything. and shes starting to use that against me. Alot of the time its like walking threw a mine feild.I also get really angry at her and tell her off, mainly telling to fuck off and leave me the fuck alone or calling her a bitch. I do it when she tends to get starts to verbal abusive or when shes acting jealous and sometimes I just loose it. And I am abit of an asshole some times in General and I am not very mindful either some times.She excepts me to be honest with her and I am except for two things in my past which she found out, but I find it hard to be honest with her when she gets angry at me.I am sure alot of her problems are rooted into the mental illnesses she has and I dont know how to handle it. She is a really good person and shes just ill and it hurts me seeing her like this, I would not leave someone had a cold or cancer. She is going threw tharpy and and is on medication which does not work. but alot of the time she does not even try to get better and thinks she will never get better and does nothing. I really dont know what to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): If it's any help, I am in a difficult situation with my girlfriend, which, whilst it is not identical, has at least some parallels. I have been with her for 10 years and recently discovered she had been cheating on me (something she strongly denied until I could provide her with evidence). Despite the cheating, I knew I still loved her and was willing to at least attempt to understand where she saw the problems in our relationship. Her response was to run away and say she could not see me until she had learnt "what she had lost." It was part of a long stream of manipulation as far as I can see... I have spent almost all of our relationship trying to deal with problems like an adult whilst she overreacted. The conclusion I've come to is that, unless you have clear evidence someone is willing to get professional help for their problems, there is no hope for your relationship. I hope that it will happen in mine, but I accept that I have to draw a set of criteria (at least internally) that allow me to rationalize if that is actually happening. If it doesn't you have to make a choice to move on. Remember, it is not your sole responsibility to make a relationship work - it takes both parties willing to give some ground. If you see no evidence, I would strongly suggest accepting that you can't win this fight and walking away. I've spent 10 years thinking that maturity and the moral high ground are enough to save a relationship and trust me, whilst they may help your girlfriend grow as a person, they will never be enough and the energy you spend will leave you entirely emotionally drained, and ultimately extremely resentful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): Having been in a 13 year relationship to a woman similar (7 of those years married to her) I feel your pain. However, if she's not serious about getting treatment (that works) and working on your relationship, you need to be ready to end this "relationship" - you can't have a real relationship with someone like this - it's a hostage situation... each day a bit of you may be dying... it took me a year to relaive just home many compromises I'd made in an effort to modulate her emotions and outbursts. Life had become CRAZY, but it had happended so slowly that I couldn't see it.You need someone objective to see what the real status is and offer you clear advice. Mental illness is tough, but if the victum is refusing to participate in their own recovery, you need to get out...
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