A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiMy girlfriend and i have been going out for 7 months before i met her she had another boyfriend who treated her badly so when she argued with him she would go and get really drunk and cheat on him she would also self harm.So when she ended it with him we got together and one thing led to another and we moved in together very quickly. So now she is sayin she wants space for some me time to go out drinking with her friends but when she goes out she gets so drunk she enjoys the attention of people taking photographs of her dancing dirty with her girlfriends. She says she likes the attention!!!Also there is a guy at her work who she has swapped numbers with and who she seems to call an awful lot. She does tell me that she loves me and wants to eventually get married but i cant help thinking that this guy has poss added to us taking a break cos she wants to be with him HELP????
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 p.s. If she threatens to cut herself TELL her family, Dr, Therapist (if she has one). Worst case call the police!
Just remember it's not your fault!
READ UP ON BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER and BI-POLAR.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (12 December 2007):
Her behaviour sounds a bit like my EX-girlfriend only more extreme with the self harm.
I suspect my EX is bi-polar or has Borderline Personality Disorder.
YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO. If I were you I'd read up and research all about it. I have done this after the break-up and it is helping me understand her more (although we're not together anymore and jumped straight in with someone else) and gives me some closure.
Having been there myself perhaps you're also feeling what I felt (and still do to a lesser extent even a month later); I thought it was MY fault and I was to blame.
Now I understand, I can confidently say it won't be easy for you if you decide to get back into this. You are going to need your friends and family to support you and you're going to need to be VERY STRONG to be able to stick by her through all of this.
As someone whose just recently come out of a very volatile relationship I spoke to a counseller and they advised that relationships with BPs or BPDs are full of intense highs and extreme lows. You need to make your boundaries clear and know your limits.
From my experience, often one minute you're getting closer and closer and the next BANG a wall is put up. She would then distance herself and push me away (emotionally or physically). It's hard to understand but YOU REALLY DO NEED TO DO SOME READING ON THIS.
From what I can gather flirting with other guys and getting lots of attention from the opposite sex is a way of making people with self-esteem issues feel better about themselves. Again, from what I've read they often leave a relationship BEFORE they are dumped due to a fear of abandonement. Then often, jump straight into another intense relationship where they are extremely demanding of your time and talk of moving in together, marriage, kids is brought up rather quickly.
I think if you two really are going to have any chance you should see a counseller together. Tell her you want to be with her and you're always there for her BUT MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO FIRST!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2007): Just un update i told her it was over and she started going crazy saying she hated me and she said she was cutting herself and then she calmed down and told me she loved me and did not want to lose me forever now she wants to go back out with me and take things slower.what should i do
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A
male
reader, Help me please my wife  +, writes (5 December 2007):
Sounds like the same thing that happen to me
trust me get in first and dump her and then you will have the upper hand not her it may not seem much at the moment but i wish i had of dumped my ex first
after we become "just friend" she started dating one of the boys she worked with
its time to come to term with it it is over move on
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A
female
reader, bqagirl2692 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Well give her what she wants. If she wants her space then give her space. This tends to happen when relationships move too quickly. Seems like she isnt ready for nothing serious. Not to make you feel bad or anything but think about this. If she left her ex boyfriend and quickly got with you, what makes you think she wont do the same? About the guy from work, to me thats very suspicious considering that he calls WAY too much than a co-worker should do and ever since he came into the picture she suddenly wants a break. Dont know all the facts but by what you just told me, she could have something going on with this guy. Be careful about this girl. Give her what she wants. She'll realize she lost something good in her life.
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A
male
reader, esepalo1 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 Dude your rushed this relation ship seems like you were the rebound no offense.Girls that are in a relationship like that seems thats what they want even if they say they want a good man deep down theydo but they dont feel complete with out the put downs.Ive seen it in past relationships believe me.You guys didnt get to know each other and see what that person is like now your emotions are in this and it sucks because now you see who she is and you dont like it.If she a loose cannon and wanting to party with out you i say let her go if she comes back really sorry and seeing what she had and lost then its legit she cares but dont be the fool and wait while she goes girls gone wild because she may never return.Find the girl that appreciates you as a man and not take advantage of the niceness to may people will take kindness for weakness and will walk all over you so dont let this girl take away who you are.Love is just a word until you show it and mean it so she can tell you i love you all she wants but the stuff she does aint love you dont hurt the ones you love.
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A
female
reader, doggirl2007 +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I can't say I'm that experianced in this type of situation, probably because I'm so much younger than you, but I did want to help.
It seems to me that she does seem to like a lot of attention, and this guy seems to be giving it to her. If you don't already, try giving her a bit more attention, maybe go out on a few dates, take her out to eat or ask if you tag along with her to wherever she goes to drink and such. She may say yes, but she might say no as well, wanting to spend a bit of time with her friends, but I'm sure she'll like the fact that you want to spend more time with her.
Hope this helped and good luck!
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