A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I came home from vacation and found out my husband was going to porn sites. That didn't bother me as much as him going on live camera sites and was able to chat with these woman. He thinks I am over reacting. I feel so cheated on. I know porn is normal I gues it is the fact that they are live and he is able to talk to them. Am I over reacting?
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, gypsytears +, writes (29 May 2011):
He crossed that imaginary line of acceptable free porn browsing, to interact with another human and have to pay for it is truely pathedic exspecially when you have a wife, shame on him. Only Losers have to pay for arousal~
A
female
reader, TheAnonymousGal +, writes (15 May 2011):
 I am a cam girl and I work on various chat sites and get paid per minute by the men who view my cam and interact with me. You are not over reacting. You were naive. Now you're not. The question is: What are you going to do about it? From the second I log in to cam, my room is FLOODED with hundreds of men. Yes HUNDREDS PER HOUR. Wanna know the slowest day of the year? Valentine's Day. I have no idea of the relationship status of any of the men who come to see me unless they tell me but the fact that Valentine's Day is the slowest day of the year speaks volumes. Plenty of men do this and it is very common. Your guy got caught. Nothing's changed about your relationship except for the fact that you now know what he's up to when you're not around. Some men have even told me that their wives/gfs know they do it and are OK with it and some say their SO's have no idea they do it. Again, the question is: What are you going to do about your new found knowledge about your man?
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (13 May 2011):
 First of all, do you know for sure he has been doing the live chat? I thought at one point that my man was doing that, but once I went on the sites and found my own entertainment from it, I noticed that there are a zillion pop ups for live chat. It stores in the history as a live chat site when in actuality it was just an ad or pop up window.
Secondly, if you are absolutely sure he is doing the live chats, then no you are not overacting at all. That is going too far. I would leave my man for that.
Lastly, if you don't know for sure and have not talked to him about it I think it's about time to do so. Just let him know you are ok with the porn, but the live chats upset you because...(fill in the blank). If he can't (or won't) understand you then you need to make a decision about your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, hopeithelps123  +, writes (12 May 2011):
Nope, you're expressing your views and your feelings about him. No worries.:D. Just talk it out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): No you arent over reacting. Hes going to try and argue his case by saying that but the truth is he is being unfaithful to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, confusedgal1909  +, writes (12 May 2011):
id be pissed... it's NOT ok. Porn, yea... live ... Nooo
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Your not over reacting if I found my boyfriend doing the samething I would feel the same way
...............................
A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Porn is hotly debated, but when you take it to the next level and start video chatting with women for pornographic purposes, that's taking it to a new and inappropriate level. No, you aren't over-reacting, and you guys really need to talk about this. I would suggest counseling.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (12 May 2011):
 The internet makes instant gratification soooo veryyy easy.
You don't have to fly to Amsterdam to get your kicks anymore.
Nope, just a couple of bucks and voilla, in the privacy of your own home with a camera and a mike. But that doesn't make it right if your in a relationship. It's not even the same thing as a strip club because you can't talk to the women there or make any real outrageous requests. Online almost anything goes, some are totally illegal and still available.
Could you imagine sitting across the dinner table talking sex on the phone with your ex boyfriend while your husband sat there listening?
Or worse, he comes home to find you naked on your bed while talking on the phone with your ex. How do you think he's going to react? I'm sure he's upset you're upset and that he was caught in the act. Trying to tame the heat of the moment with "you're overacting" is partly acceptable in the beginning, but if he tries to get you to accept it than that may be a problem for you seeing as you don't appreciate his hobby. You've already told him of your limitations, you'll have to follow through with real consequences.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Basically every guy I know likes to watch porn but chatting live with other women is on a whole other level. I would not be happy with that either and I think you have every right to be mad..why does he feel the need to seek attention from other women, especially on the internet, when he has you? All you can do is try to talk to him calmy and say "this is how I feel..." if he cares about you, he'll listen and not just dismiss you. If he is very secretive about it and gets defensive and/or he gives you a hint that he thinks it's normal and will continue doing it, I would be careful. Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, sabra +, writes (12 May 2011):
You may want to ask him how he'd feel if you exchanged sexy photos with a man over the internet and chatted on and off. It isn't an identical situation to camming, but it may ring a bell with him.
Explain that you feel this is not appropriate in a relationship, and while you don't object to porn (it doesn't sound like it at least), you DO object to having him interact sexually with another woman. He should accept that and amend his behavior accordingly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): I don't think porn and live camera sites are indistinguishable as your husband seems thinks. Using the latter while in a relationship counts as cheating for me. It's a real person on the other end acting in real time for him personally. And more likely than not, he's acting out for them too. This is not a recorded simulation where he's just a passive observer living vicariously through an image.
Often live camera sites aren't neccessarily something you pay for...there are plenty of bored people who do this sort of thing for fun. Even if he was paying for it...he's essentially visiting an online prostitute.
He defends this because he thinks since the technology is the same in both instances and no bodily fluids were transferred, he's hasn't transgressed some boundary, but he has. He's intitiated a real sexual relationship with a real person through the computer.
How would he feel if you felt like sexting some distinct person you met on the internet? How would he feel if you called some distinct random person for phone sex just because you liked the sound of their voice? Hopefully you can impress this point on him and show him the line he crossed.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2011): Did he say he was chatting with these women on camera sites? Because you have to pay to do that. If it's livejasmin, then that's just a pop up ad site that opens up on it's own when you browse through porn sites.
It's annoying as hell. You can technically chat to them in the guest window but they don't respond at all and there's always about 50 guys trying to do the same thing. It only lasts for about a minute before the performer goes private.
So if it is livejasmin don't worry about it unless you know for a fact that he's been paying for private performances. OP none of those porn chat sites are free, it will show up on the credit card bill.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Don't let him tell you that you are overreacting. A lot of women feel very uncomfortable with their partner's watching porn and with good reason, it is a whole different matter when he goes on live chat sites. He's ignoring the fact that it makes you uncomfortable and that it might even start slowly tearing into this marriage. You can talk to him about it and if he refuses to hear you or make some changes, then maybe you shouldn't be with him.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
