A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This girl writes on my boyfriend's wall everyday, with like ten posts of stuff to make him laugh because apparently he's depressed. I wouldn't know that because he never tells me anything anymore and is always talking to her. Some days he just ignores me or gives me an attitude when I try to talk to him. I get so jealous because he has so much fun talking to her and I think they text a lot. I know he texts her when he doesn't respond to me. When things are good between us, they are really good. But they've been bad for like a week. He's really off and on with me, it's been 10 months now, and I'm getting tired of feeling like I have to compete with this girl. She's been doing this stuff since the beginning. I want to slap her, but I can't because she lives in another state. I tried to talk to him about it before but he didn't take me seriously. I don't know what to do, but I am so jealous of how much he talks to her and how much he ignores me...randomly. We used to be super close...I don't know what happened.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 First off you need to realize that the girl isn't the problem. There are millions of girls in the world, and they will at one point be in contact with your boyfriend. It is how your boyfriend chooses to handle this contact that is crucial. This girl wouldn't have bothered you, if your boyfriend was telling her that she can not flirt with him because of you. This clingy girl would not bother you if you saw your boyfriend stand up for your relationship.
Some times the men are not pushing these types of women away. Maybe they enjoy the attention they are getting, and lack respect for their relationship. It could be because of immaturity, or lack of experience with relationships and what it means to be committed. Or it could be because the guy is a douche.
One option is to write on the facebook wall, after such an inappropriate message, that she needs to watch where she steps, because he is your boyfriend. It might set her back in place. But really, it is your boyfriend who needs to be the one to put her in place, and he isn't. Quite the opposite, he encourages her by keeping up the contact. In other words, by accepting the flirting he is flirting back.
Talk to him. Put your foot down. Tell him what others have written on here, that there's a line that is being crossed, and that he needs to show where his commitment lies, with you or her. If it is with you, then he should immediately write to her that she needs to stop flirting with him because it is bothersome. And he needs to repeat this message every time she crosses the line. If she can not be his friend, but is just hitting on him, then he can't really say she's just a friend either... Friends don't want to marry each other and have babies...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I know this is frustrating for you but location does have a lot to do with it... you are there and she is not...
Now the part you don't want to hear:
In the early years of dating (teenage years)folks are still figuring out what they want. That's why we DATE and don't marry the first person we end up with... that's why we have FIRST loves etc...
"he's been really on and off with me"
do you want to continue with this? are YOU HAPPY? are you satisfied? IS he meeting YOUR needs?
Jealousy is an emotion rooted NOT in love but in insecurity. And I can see why you feel insecure but IF you love someone who LOVES YOU BACK, you would not feel insecure based ON HIS behavior (based on your brain you still might and that might be an issue you want to explore with a therapist)
IF you try to talk to him and he blows you off, that says to me that YOU are NOT important to him....
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 This sounds like a very frustrating situation to be in. From your post and the subsequent follow-ups, it seems he is pretty close to this girl and she's having a good time too. It must be a high for her, to see an apparently committed guy hanging around her like a love-struck teenager. If anything, she probably is delighted by the fact that he is more into her than his own g/f!!
Its certainly not right for him to talk to her 24/7 or text her constantly. The fact that she told him that she wants to marry him and wants to have his babies is WAYYYYY off limits! And if he's entertaining this nonsense, then its as good as cheating on you. Even if she is another state, it doesnt dilute the situation in any way.
Tell him you are not going to put up with this situation any longer. You're not asking him to stop talking to ALL women or anything, you're just telling him to stop something that is bothering you, and that is a reasonable request. YOU are his g/f and he should be more concerned about making you happy than some random girl in another state
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (28 September 2011):
YOU should be number one. Tell him to cut off contact with this girl or at least severly limit it. If he doesn't, end it. You deserve to be number one. The one he confides in and has fun with.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Is this the first girl you've gotten jealous over your boyfriend talking to or have there been others?
Hmmm...well tell your boyfriend you would appreciate he would stop talking to a girl that is obviously after him (even though she lives in another state). And give your relationship the attention it's lacking.
It sounds as if after 10 months, he's bored with your relationship.
OP, if you're feeling short changed in this relationship, then it's time to dump your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (28 September 2011):
 I would be concerned too, but I think you should focus on communicating with him. You say he's not telling you anything these days, including that he's depressed. I'd sit down with him and ask if he's happy with you two, and if he's having a hard time right now, what you could to do help. Tell him your personal feelings that you feel disconnected to him recently and you're interested in rekindling things or doing something together to get you two close again. be prepared for the "like what?" question, and have a date idea prepared. you wouldn't feel half as threatened by this girl if your relationship were secure in your mind, so focus on stabilizing it.
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (28 September 2011):
 Id be jealous too. Come on we know what the TEXTBOOK behavior of relationships is but do any of us really folly suite? No! A girl constantly contacting my man would bug me. Im the type of girl that believes MY man is MY MAN!! Sure you can be friends but dang girl, dont you have other friends? If you 2 are serious he should respect what you want, you ARE his girl and should be more important than this other female. She is in another state, but people will do CRAZY things sometimes if they think theyre gonna find something better! Good luck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe does flirt with him. she even told him she was gonna leave her bf for him and marry him and have secret babies with him. they talk 24/7. it just annoys me because ive only confronted him on it once so that cant be why he ignores me so often
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): maybe try giving him the silent treatment and have some friendly interactions with guys other than him. more likely than not he will get jealous, and try to make amends to you in some way or another. hope this is helpful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*they do text, he told him to text her
*she told him she was going to have his babies and said she was going to marry him
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (28 September 2011):
So what's your question?
You're getting mad because this girl is writing on your boyfriend's FB wall? So what? She lives in another state!!! How much of a threat is she to you, really? Very minimal threat, if at all.
You have no clue if he texts her at all! Just because he's not blowing your phone up, doesn't mean he's texting her.
This chick is NOT a threat to your relationship..your jealousy on the other hand is. That will drive your boyfriend to not talk to you, or give you attitude. Why? Because you're making a big deal about a girl who posts funny things on his wall. Maybe if she posted flirty, sexual things, then you'd have a point.
I suggest you stay off of FB and ignore your boyfriend for a bit, see if he comes around or talks to you. If not and he still continues this on and off behavior, then perhaps he's tired of the relationship. In that case it's time to call it quits.
Remember, it's just Facebook.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2011): Hey girl, sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm a bit older than you (20) but I went what you're going through right now, but to make it worse, this girl actually lived CLOSE to my ex bf (he's my ex for a reason now.) They were talking non-stop, and she came over and they kissed. Now, obviously this other girl lives in another state. That means the threat is cut off by like 80 percent. Problem is, there is the emotional cheating threat. He could be sharing your problems with her, talking to her on the phone. Remember this, female friends or not, if a guy is dedicating less time to his significant other than his female friends, there is something off here. Having laughs? He should be doing that with you. Texting? He should be texting YOU foremost. Also, if he is moody/ignoring you, WHY do you stand it??? Why torture yourself when you could be involved with someone that doesn't give you "bad days", that only has good days in mind, and you are the center of his world? From what you wrote here, seems like the relationship is on HIS terms, and when he's bored with her, his first priority, he comes back to you and vice versa. Don't compete with this girl and don't snoop through his texts. Just lay it down flat. "I've noticed you've been talking to this girl a lot more than you've been talking to me. I don't care that you have girl friends, but seeing her face 50 times a day on your facebook page is frankly making me sick to my stomach. She lives in another state and *IM RIGHT HERE* yet you don't confide anymore. I have no reason not to trust you, but if you want this relationship to continue then I want you to consider my feelings; how would you feel if I spent half of my days talking to some guy in another state? You wouldn't like it. If you're not satisfied with me please just tell me, because I haven't been receiving ANY sign from you, so I don't have to suffer and be irrationally jealous like this."YOu can change it around, but that's basically what I told my ex bf (before he cheated that is. Sure he may not physically cheat because it's impossible, but do you really want to suffer from emotional cheating?Get to the bottom of it. Good luck.Also, are the facebook comments she posts flirty?
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