A
male
age
30-35,
*aturalsoles
writes:How does a man gain confidence around women and strangers? I enjoy talking to others and learning about them, but that's only with my friends. I've started a new semester at a new school, and I'm shy around all the people that I do not know. I want to be able to talk to women I find attractive and just be my humorous self.I'm afraid of coming across as an idiot, making them feel uncomfortable, or striking out with a blazing-rejection fastball. How do I get over this fear of rejection?
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male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (26 January 2011):
 PRACTICE! That's the short answer. We've all got a comfort zone and mine had always been pretty similar to yours until I took an intensive 3 week training class for a sales job that was 85% face to face with new prospects.
They taught us to push our boundaries and to embrace our fears and to consistently push our boundaries. We didn't get to pass the class unless we completed all of the assignments.
One of the assignments was to make it a point to go out and smile at 5 strangers that we'd never met (making sure that they saw you smiling at them). The next day - it was 10. Wasn't that big of a deal - a little odd, but no big.
Then it was to smile and say hello to 5 strangers... Progressively to get the name and telephone number of 5 strangers and had to be a mix of same sex and opposite sex.
That was one of the best classes that I ever took. Taught me to look past being rejected and disregard it and move on to the next with sales and with socializing. Taught me to push beyond my comfort zone. Looking back, I'd have paid good money to take that class and instead the company that hired me paid me to pass it. Sorry - er, um - I got side-tracked.
Anyhow - that's my suggestion in as far as overcoming fear and being able to approach people more easily. Practice - take small steps toward the goal - learn to accept and disregard rejection at the same time - be unrelenting in your determination to push your boundaries and gradually expand your comfort zone.
Once you're past that point then being funny in a cocky and entertaining way will get plenty of dates. If you want to start a 2 minute convo with a cute girl, insult her harmlessly - don't be a jerk, but maybe a comment asking her if she's sure that her shoes match with her purse and the right sideways/ cockeyed look to go along with it. Again - something harmless that will surprise them a bit, but make them try to figure out if you're possibly even serious or not - plus if it's something that they haven't heard before, it really helps...
Good luck - now go get 5 phone numbers from total strangers.
; )
A
male
reader, RayBones +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Statistically speaking, you will miss 100% of the shots you never take.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2011): Be yourself. If you feel like you are coming off as a idiot laugh at yourself trust me girls like guys who they feel can be themselves. Once you talk to your first girl you will notice its not as hard as you make it seem in your head. It becomes easier once you make that first step. Just simply start with a hi? or how's it going? im so and so..and your name is? What's your major? and so on.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (26 January 2011):
 You could try planning out what you can say to break the ice a head of time. That way you can get the initial meeting out of the way and be yourself. Start off with generic conversation and then move slowly toward being yourself just so they become comfortable with you.
Also the biggest thing to remember is that rejection doesn't matter, there are so many people at the school and not all of them will like you but I'm sure that alot will. You can always go a more subtle route which is to smile at someone you know in your class then just start saying hi to them when you see them.
Just being yourself will do the trick and any who don't like you, it's there loss.
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A
female
reader, iicandyxoxo +, writes (26 January 2011):
 Maybe wait till you start getting to know people. Like you did at your old schoool.Maybe just follow the steps at your new school, as you did as your old school. And chances are, if you didn't make a fool outta yourself at your old schoool.Chances are you won't make a fool out of your self at your new schoool.
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