A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:So I'm sure i found the love of my life. We've been friends since May of last year, and been dating since December. I know it's only been a short time but I know he's the one. I'm not one who ever wanted to get married but for some reason I want to marry him. He's my everything. He gives me butterflies like no other has before. Im so in love with him. He completes me and I love every moment with him. SO my big question is....how should I propose? I have no idea how to be romantic, after all no guy has ever shown me any romanticism. I have no idea what to do. He also lives 7 hours away from me so since I visit him, I dont know my way around very well. Any thoughts please.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 April 2012):
 You wanted to get married to your ex, the only reason you didnt by the sounds of things is becase your ex didnt want to talk about it and disregarded it when you brought it up.
So why is the new gu you've seen 4 times any different?! You believe in getting married 'once', and you believe in 'the one' - yet you claim you have met 'the one' twice now?!
I think you are so desperate for love and marriage you think every man you meet is 'the one' and you are just rushing this far too much. I can 100% guarantee if you go ahead and propose you will be divorced in 5 years.
Focus on introducing your new man and your child first - that is a far bigger deal than propsing. Your child should come first over your own happiness, so work out the best way to introduce the two of them first, make sure they are getting on well then in a few months if your child and your partner get along well, then you can think about marriage.
In my opinion the best way to introduce your boyfriend to your child is to maybe go out one day - somewhere like the park, and introduce him as your 'friend'. Dont make the meeting too long - an hour or so will do. Make the meeting fun (hence why the park is a good idea) and nothing too serious. Your child needs to see you and your boyfriend together a few times before you can say you are 'boyfriend & girlfriend' otherwise it will be too fast and he/she wont understand why there is a new man replacing daddy already. Dont let him/her see you kissing or holding hands or anything like that at first, make sure it seems like you are friends first so he/she doesnt feel threatened.
And whatever you do, dont get engaged without your child meeting him first!! I cant begin to explain the damage you will do to your child if all of a sudden mummy is marrying a stranger.
Slow down, focus on your child first and think about marriage later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): Don't. You're too young. You have so much to learn about yourself and life before thinking about the HUGE STEP of marrying.
Please take a deep breath and a step back and don't propose.
If the two of you are really meant for each other, then waiting a few years to really get to know one another won't hurt your relationship.
You'll be amazed how you will change emotionally and in your outlook on life over the next 5 or 10 years.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (30 March 2012):
MissLoca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your advice. Even though none of you answered my question haha. Anyways though, we have talked about getting married and he is ok with me asking him so i know thats not a problem. As far as living conditions go, I do plan on moving with him within the year. Of course I will have a secure job first, just in case things dont work out. And I know its been a short time but I also know what its like to wait. I was in a 5 year relationship before this and it bothered me that when we talked about marriage he disregarded the subject. I dont want to wait another 4 or 5 years to marry the one i love. Also i just want to propose and maybe stay engaged for a year or so till I can afford a wedding. I also have one more question i didnt ask. I have a 4 year old daughter from my previous relationship and I want them to meet. Im not exactly sure on how to go about this whole thing or how to even explain it to my kid. Do i tell her hes my new boyfriend or what do i say?
I do know that Im so young but i do know how serious marriage is. We both believe in only getting married once. Unless the other cheats or theres abuse. But we both agree to stick it out no matter what. I know hes not goin to laugh in my face because I know hes ok with it and he wants to spend forever with me just as i do him. Marriage is something sacred to me, something i only want to do once in my life. Im the one who gets cold feet because im scared to hav a failed marriage. But this guy is different, hes my different and he makes me different. I want to marry him and Im sure of this. Ive spent time with him only 4 times and i usually stay about 3 to 5 days. But we talk all day everyday.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 March 2012):
 OH dear sweet young thing… I just proposed to my partner on February 29th which is the traditional day for women to propose to men. I suggest you wait till the next February 29th to propose… for several reasons.
1. You are at most 21. I was 21 when I married my first husband. WHAT YOU WANT AT 21 IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT AT 30… trust me I know this from experience.
2.You are LDR SEVEN HOURS is a long distance to be apart… how often do you two see each other… have you had your first big fight???
You have been dating since December so even if it was the beginning of December it’s only FOUR MONTHS… NOT very long at all even if you lived next door to each other. Before you can propose marriage you have to figure out who’s going to move… where will you live, how will you support yourselves…
Why are you so far apart? Is it school? In that case at least wait till school is over for good and you are in the same City...
3. What happens if you propose to this man who is THE ONE and he says “thanks but no thanks” or he laughs in your face… or ends the relationship because you are rushing it? Then what?
I have more but since I'm not answering your question I doubt you want to hear it...
BTW my fiance and I were LDR for the first year of our relationship... I drove two hours every thursday or friday to his apartment, then monday morning drove back to work (that took about 3 hours in rush hour traffic).... then we could NOT bear to be apart so he moved to me... he gave up his apartment of ten years, his job, his local friends, his comfort zone.. he GAVE UP EVERYTHING for me....
are you willing to move 7 hours to be with this man?
can you support yourself now if you do?
I really really think you are in hot lust still.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Bad idea. Youre young, there is distance, its short term so far. Lets see how u feel after five years with the guy, if its the same, consider marriage. Right now, youre setting yourself up for a sheer disaster.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 March 2012):
Ok there are lots of reasons why this is a bad idea.
1. Men dont like women proposing to them (well most men anyway). Proposing is traditionally what the man does, he gets down on one knee with the ring and pops the question. So if you take that away from him, it takes away some of his masculinity and it will hurt him that he didnt get the chance to do it. It also removes all romance from the proposal, because you will basically have to give yourself a ring - now that is not romantic at all is it?!
2. You are long distance so chances are you have not seen each other much in the time you have known each other (which is less than 1 year). This means that as much as you feel like you are in love now, you still dont know each other very well and an LDR is not a normal relationship so there are lots of stresses and problems that come with that. Rushing into getting engaged & married too fast will only add more pressure to a relationship that is already facing some bigger pressures than a normal relationship.
3. You have not known each other anywhere near long enough! Realistically you should not engaged until you have been in a relationship together for at least 2 years. This is because you need to get to know each other properly, you need time to learn about each other and figure out if your future goals and dreams are compatible. You also need time to grow and change together, to face problems together and overcome them. In 3 or 4 months of long distance dating you hardly know a thing about him, yes I'm sure you talk online or through texting all the time, but that is not the same as spending time in person with your partner. You might love talking to him, but if it came to spending weeks on end with him living together you might learn all sorts of new things about him which you hate. One of the biggest factors in divorce rates is people getting married too soon, because they dont know each other well enough and when the honeymoon period wears off, they realise they are not compatible at all.
You are still head over heels in love at the moment, definitely in the honeymoon phase where the sun shines out of his backside! But we all have flaws, there will be things about him that annoy you, there will be problems in the relationship - but you have not had enough time to learn about these yet because it is too soon.
It is fantastic you have found the one for you, not many people do meet 'the one' so I understand why you want to propose - you feel so in love that you cant imagine being without him, so getting married makes sense.
But in the real world, when the butterflies slow down and normal life gets in the way of your relationship, getting married wont be such a good idea. You have to understand that you are feeling like this because you are head over heels, and these butterflies are ruling your head - you are not being rational and thinking properly.
If a marriage is going to work, you need to know each other inside out before you get married, you need to at least be living close to each other if not living together. Try and be sensible here - what is the rush to get married? Surely if he is 'the one' then you are going to be together anyway, so waiting a year or two wont hurt? Why does marriage matter all of a sudden? What difference is it going to make to your relationship? Why is getting married now better than getting married in a couple of years when you have cemented your relationship and can afford a better wedding? Have you even discussed marriage with your boyfriend? Is that what he wants?
Please slow down and think things through, getting married at your age so soon into your relationship pretty much means you are just going to be another divorce statistic. Try and think with your head, not your heart and really look at whether this is the right thing to do. Getting married is great, especially if you have found the right man - but there are lots of other things you need to consider, marriage is hard work and you need to be very serious about this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 I've got a better idea.
Take out of the attic your old Barbie and have her propose to Ken. That will temporary quench your thirst for whirlwind romance and magic moments, and will avoid you looking delusional or pathetic.
I don't know the guy , but if he has just a tiny little bit of maturity and common sense, he will either laugh in your face, or get scared. Or, if he is a mellow type, he'll say " Oh honey, that's so sweet of you. But you have to understand, we just met ! And you are SO young. And we are incredibly long distance, we can't even consider planning a future together if we don't have yet solid, feasible , realistic plans about how and when we'll be reunited. Plus, people do not commit to forever " for some reason " or because of " butterflies in the stomach ", these are really bad reasons to make such a serious, solemn promise. And to someone you barely know !"
Then again, who knows, maybe he could be hungry for faity tales too, and he'll play along and say yes.... in which case, have fun, and don't forget to tell Skipper !
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A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 My advice would be to slow down ... when you enter a new relationship emotions can really flow around. You have only known this guy for a short amount time and would say not long enough to propose! I am a little old fashioned when it comes to proposals and believe that the man should be the one down on one knee ...
I would say you never really know someone until you have lived with them for at least 12months - right know you will only see the positive side of him and not his negative traits ... just slow it down and everyone will fall into place in the end for you! :)
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