A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:I've noticed that in some of my answers to questions on this site, I have allowed my personal beliefs to color my opinions. So my question is, is that wrong? It seems nearly impossible to take my whole self out of the equation, but what level is ok to have present? I'm curious about other Aunt's Opinions. Let me know! Reply to this Question
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reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (12 April 2011):
Interesting question about subjectivity. You can give perspectives, or opinions. Opinions are less helpful to people, but remember, this is an free online forum, so it is not a question of right or wrong, and there is nothing stopping you from sharing your opinion on what people post. Don't worry, if you post an opinion that the poster doesn't like or doesn't agree with, they will just ignore it, dismiss you, or think you are an idiot, their world won't fall apart. If you post a perspective though, you give them something to think about. The fact that you are asking this question shows you are a thinker, and that you care about what people write about and how you respond. You also endeavour to try and see things from their perspective rather than your own, which is empathy, an important counslling quality!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I post here to get peoples perspectives - not their answers to problems that I have in my life. I assume that if someone gives me her/his honest opinion, then it would help. Somevof it, naturally, could be an angry response. Not sure how helpful that would be though..
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reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (5 April 2011):
SweetSmoochy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for your input. I really identified with Denise32, as it sounds like you have experienced what I'm talking about. I encountered a question about something I had a very strong opinion against and it colored my answer.
I was referring to a recent question a guy posted about how he's been changing his girlfriend to make her more attractive and she still isn't good enough. I became very angry that he was treating her like that, and that anger absoilutely flared into my answer. After looking back at the answer, I was ashamed at my anger and words, but not my opinions, which brought on this question. I was more talking about a moral code than religion, but I suppose that will color answers as well.
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reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (4 April 2011):
Being 100% neutral is impossible. Moreover, various points of view are encouraged since askers get advice from every single answer and every answer should provide a different point of view. I actually mention my beliefs sometimes to clear things up for everyone.
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reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 April 2011):
 We all have our beliefs and convictions, but these are not to be imposed on anyone posting a question on the site. For myself, I try to understand where the person is "coming from" and what they're dealing with, so that I can respond with common sense and, I would hope, compassion and honesty.Personally, I like to try to leave room for hope and encouragement, but in situations where the poster is writing about enduring abusive or dangerous treatment, or if she/he is indulging in reckless behavior then you have to respond very plainly and urge them to get help.It's important to not be judgmental - although we can be, and are, quite blunt in responding to anyone who is carrying on an affair while married.....
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reader, The Realist  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Beliefs are fine and they are what allows people to get such a good range of advice from the site. There can be an issue with very strong opinions in that we do not want aunts to argue between themselves on the site. I don't know if you mean religious opinions or not but those tend to be watched closely because unless the OP is looking for a religious view it is under the assumption that this isn't a religious site. If you have any examples of this I would be happy to try to explain things to you.
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reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 April 2011):
 In the About Us section, you can see the benefits of reading different opinions based on experience or background. As long as you use common sense and are polite. We do not intend to mold everyone into one mentality. In fact there is no one size fits all mentality because the internet represents all kinds of people. It is like saying God is in everything and everything is God, or we are all One. Even an experienced 50 year old can learn from a 16 year old. This is intended for advice but we are also curious about different points of view. I know my thinking is not mainstream but someone might benefit from me. If my opinion does not help, or does not really pertain to the OP's problem, at least people know someone like me exist. I know my opinion about relationships has changed just by reading about others' experiences. If I look back on my thousands of answers I will realize that I had contradicted myself a few times.
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reader, shawncaff +, writes (4 April 2011):
 There is no reason you should remove your beliefs from the advice you give. Values and beliefs underscore all the answers here. The only rules you need to observe are those of the DearCupid community, which, from my brief experience here, seem to be:*Respect (not agreement, but respect) for other people here, especially those you don't agree with*An attempt to understand where the poster is coming from rather than giving a pre-packaged answer*A willingness to learn from others, even if what they say is not what you want to hearOther than these, I think you should not feel any pressure to disregard any of your beliefs or values.
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