A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How important are looks really?I'm not a toad, just saying. I would say I'm average. Everytime I meet someone new, they remark on how pretty I am. So theres this guy. (of course there is) and we met like once, in person. We exchanged numbers and we've been talking ever since. He wants to get together this weekend. I guess you could say, I have low self esteem. I mean, on the one hand, I am really conceited. But then, I'm not. I need others approval to really be assured that I am beautiful. We've been talking for a little over a month, and we've sent pictures to each other. He's a pretty cute guy. Look aside, I like him a lot. He has a great personality and he's very outspoken, but he's not obnoxious about it. He's got a quiet but strong nature. So he asked me out. We've been talking this whole time, but we haven't hung out. I'm not really worried about what he'll think of me, because I'm a charmer. :) I can flirt really well and I feel very comfortable when I talk to him. I'm really worried that maybe I won't be up to his standards. How will I wear my hair and what if I'm too fat? I mean, I'm not huge, but I'm no size 4. I wear a 9. I like myself. I get a lot of attention from guys as well so I know I'm doing something right. How can I fake confidence? Do body size and looks really matter? Because we have this initial attraction, and connection through talking, will that matter when it comes to him ultimately deciding if he really likes me? I'm scared. I don't date very much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): I don't want to come off as being shallow or an a-hole, but the truth of the matter is, looks matter a lot, guys do the most outrageous things for women who could be stupid, mean, boring or anything else, as long as they're pretty. I found that confidence matters a lot, and not necessarily being a supermodel, but being healthy, that is, not overweight and taking care of oneself is what makes one beautiful. Being stylish helps too, knowing what to wear and how to appeal, it really works. Lastly, it is impossible to put yourself in "competition" with really ultra-gorgeous people and you could feel always ugly, even if you're absolutely stunning. End of the day, you are who you are, and either he likes you or he doesn't. My two cents.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 hi your post does not seem like it has been written by someone who is low on confidence! it is good that you can recognise your good qualities and attractiveness, so just keep remembering these things and you will be fine with him xx
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Don't ever say in your head "I may not be up to someones standards"
Those are killer words!
You will not be up to everyone's standards, this is not how you live your life. You live your life to YOUR standards.
As far as physical attraction goes, seems the both of you have this on in the bag. Meet him if you wish, in public for your safety.
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A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (5 April 2011):
it depends on the guy. for me looks attract, but the personality and kindness make or break someone. you could be dropdead gorgeous with a horrible personality and my view of you would do a complete 360 and vice versa
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Your comments gave me a lot of reassurance. it's just I don't date very much because I don't really get out and meet a lot of guys. I don't have the time. I've had some bad experiences in the past, so I've just been immersing in school. I'm nervous because I like this guy so much. He's a nice guy, so I'm not expecting him to be like overly critical.I just really like him a lot just from talking to him. I mean he compliments me. He's always calling me beautiful and says i'm hot. He calls me baby and he like asks me to hang out a lot, so I know he's somewhat interested. :) Thank you for the comments.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 April 2011):
 You can't fake confidence, either you have it or you don't. But you can do your best not to let your insecurities get the best of you.
Do body size and looks really matter?
Somewhat, but less than a lot of people think. I can pretty much guarantee you that he wouldn't still be in touch if he wasn't attracted to you. It sounds like he's interested in the whole package, which is even better.
You shouldn't worry about not living up to his standards. If you weren't up to his standards, he wouldn't be talking to you. That's the plain truth of the matter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Id wear something similar to when you first saw him if possible. That way you will be comfortable and as you get to know him more (hopefully he compliments ur looks) then you can wear something else as you'll be more comfortable with your body perhaps. Sounds like a decent chap. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, thomas1214 +, writes (4 April 2011):
ok im not trying to be shallow but im just going to say the truth. looks are fairly important. think about it with out being a hypocrite. would you date a not so attractive guy who didnt care how they looked like? no.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): I'm the same I don't date much, id consider myself pretty enough, I'm no super model, but i can be shy. I examine personality first, but i have to admit i do examine looks too.The only way is to tell yourself I am what I am, he either likes the look of me or he doesn't. You have been told your pretty so tell yourself.Like me you lack confidence, try not too worry. he already likes your personality, he knows what you look like, so what if you turn out not to be a "perfect" size zero, if he expects you to be a stick instead well then i would say good luck to him and move on.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (4 April 2011):
My girlfriend is size 9 or 12, I think. She is very tall. She doesn't look fat at all.Listen, not all guys care much about your weight. Just dress how you like, and in clothes that make you feel comfortable with. If he already feels attracted to you, then it doesn't matter much what you do.It is more important if you are a smart and charming girl, because what some guys secretly look for is precisely that.Actually, meeting in person will give you a plus, because almost everybody looks better in person than in pictures.Good luck!
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