A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I HATE the first kiss. I can't do it. I'm looking for some advice, or even somebody to say I'm not alone. I'm not even 16.. i'm 30! I've fancied somebody at work for six months now. He tried to kiss me two weeks ago at a party, and despite being overjoyed, i literally stood there and went stiff as a board and uttered 'uh, no..erm..' Not because I didn't like him, but because I feel very self-conscious and nervous about kissing. To me, the face area is very intimate. I'd rather somebody touch my behind or my boobs than just come right into my face like that. When he did it, it was out of the blue and i didn't know how to react. I thought 'God, i'm going to mess this up!' by feeling so shocked and nervous. I didn't know what he wanted and feared i'd give him a closed mouth chaste granny kiss whilst he went in for the tongue (something i ONLY do if its a kind of sexual relationship with a guy - i'd NEVER kiss like that on a first second date, etc. because i believe that gives an entirely different impression.) its for this reason, i feel i'm not a very exciting kisser - ive been told i'm good when i relax, and i know i can be good when i'm into it and i know the person, but first time, i feel as if somebody is invading my personal space.i like to build up to the intimacy, with firm slow kisses, but i often find guys will push their face into mine, and i feel cornered. i can't be gentle and intimate then. i just have to kiss back, and i feel uncomfortable. people have commented upon my obvious discomfort when kissing me for the first time, which has made it worse! As well as this, I am very self conscious. I didn't kiss anybody until i was about 16. Obviously, as a teen, this reinforced this idea that i'm 'behind everybody'. I used to be very self conscious about my lips - i still am. I was teased a bit at school, y'know people calling me rubber lips, saying 'you've had a lip job'. Obviously now i am older, Liv tyler and angelia jolie kinda changed that, and i am a sultry looking, if dreadfully self conscious woman but i still feel awkward when somebody is in that area of my face. I don't know HOW i'm supposed to kiss on the first date. What do guys expect, what makes a good first kiss, and how can i stop being so nervous and self-conscious! thanks!
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 First kisses are always awkward. To me, what makes for a good first kiss is if it's mutual. I prefer no tongue for a first kiss, but rather a nice soft, slow and passionate kiss. I like to read what the girl I'm kissing does and react to it as well. This gets easier the more you do it.
Sometimes those "awkward" moments make great stories later on though. Relaxing is key, but that's hard to do if you aren't comfortable with the person kissing you.
A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (4 April 2011):
Just kindly kiss him back. Small kisses will be ok. You don't want to stick your tongue right away, that is more intimate. Just stay calm. If a guy is kissing you, it is because he loves your lips! [My girlfriend have large natural lips... I really enjoy them]When you are kissing a guy, imagine you are kissing your favorite artist, so you do it as you would with a famous guy. Stay cool, stay relax, the other guy won't bite you!
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