A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Why do I obsess over my ex-girlfriends?Every time i have come out of a relationship, I am never able to get over the girls I have loved very quickly. I often find myself thinking about them through the day, and while it doesn't make me physically emotional, it does stress me out. Some days I just can't get my mind off of anything else. The only time I seem to be able to heal is whenever I find somebody else, but until that happens I feel like I'm in limbo.Most of my relationships have failed because of circumstances. Two of three of my significant relationships failed because she or I were moving to university, so I suppose I should feel upbeat about the fact that the break up's didn't happen because I was a terrible boyfriend, but it doesn't make it easier to accept. A part of me thinks that if I was really that great a guy and they really wanted to be with me, she would have endured the circumstances to stay with me. I've seen people do it, so I know that that isn't out of the question. Am I asking too much?How do I deal with these feelings? I know first hand that it gets easier in time, but I'm really troubled by the fact that I can't seem to get over any of my previous loves until I move on and find someone else. Please help!
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reader, Andy00 +, writes (11 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question What a thoughtful suggestion! Thank you, I may very well look for that!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Hi Andy you should really read the book "One Day" by David Nicholls, Its about how a guy and a girl go their separate ways and how they become best friends. Its so good and I dont read books at all but thought this was brilliant. The guy in it is from Oxfordshire, so you might be able to relate to it.Let me know what you thought of it.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (6 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou're fantastic Deirdre, thanks for your answers, I greatly appreciate them!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Thats love it sucks like that, I was in a relationship with a guy for a year and it must have took me about a yr to get over him cos i really did love him, but you do eventually and gradually you start to feel better, everybody is different so don't compare yourself to other people,but don't loose faith. By the sound of things your relationship seemed ok, if it was because of university committiments then there is always a chance the two of you could get back together again.For the momment though both of you have chosen different paths in life, this may be just temperary or could be permanant, who knows?..My advice is you need to get on with your life and forget about your ex(s). Maybe you can still be friends with her if its not too painful for you, but the main thing is you need to carry on, start dating other girls. In the future if its ment to be it will happen. Thats what i believe anyway.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (5 April 2011):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm just a bit scared, Deirdre11.I have known people to come out of relationships lasting years and years and they seem to be able to move on far more quickly and easily than I am! I mean, I'm currently getting over a 4 1/2 month relationship and we're nearly a month and 1/2 on from the break up and I still find myself thinking about my ex throughout every day. I just don't feel like I should be this way. Like I should be able to say "No! I'm not going to think about her" and just get on with it, but I'm still mourning the idea of me and my most recent ex being together.She was a lovely girl and we seemed to make each other very happy. In fact we told each other how happy we made each other regularly. She was an idea girl to date - beautiful, fun to be with, great in bed. So I know it doesn't come down to the type of girls I pick. Also, I'd like to think our relationship grew naturally. Rapidly, but naturally. She actually smothered me more than I smothered her. I found that I was the one who needed space some of the time, not too often, just now and again. So from that point, the relationship we had was really good. And yet, because of university commitments, we have had to end things.I know deep down that I will make a great connection and have a great relationship with someone else eventually, so why I dwell so much?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Your perfectly normal you have a heart!! you bond with your girlfriends,and thats a good thing! its only natural you would feel like this when you break up, it happens most people. Maybe you are dating the wrong type of girls? Decide what it is you want from a relationship, what type of girl you would like to date and maybe don't put so much emphasis on looks. Then relax don't rush things allow the relationship to grow naturally, don't smother her, remember you both need space to be individualsAlso you shouldn't compare yourself to other people and what they do in their relationships, because what may work for them won't necessarily work for you.
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