A
female
age
41-50,
*naciah
writes:I know this is gonna sound stupid but it something that has beenWorrying me for sometime now,I,ve been dating different gys in myLife but seem not to have an answer.I want 2 knw that how Do u tell that the person u in love with is your soul mate?What is it that u hve to look 4rm the guy so that u can Be totaly sure that he is ur soul mate
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male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 Frankly, I see this as a loaded question...lol.
Is there any scientific basis for the notion of a soul mate? Or is it primarily some romanticized construct surrounding human love and good fodder for fictional, books and stories?
When people speak of a soul mate are we all thinking and/or talking about the same thing?
Let's face it, I'm sure many a past partner or ex was considered a soul mate at one point in time. I'm sure many previously married people thought the same as well. Do you think all these people consciously thought they were marrying their soul mate?...only to end up divorced?
To me, talk of soul mates implies that fate had someone marked just for you. Yeah, as divine as this may sound, really folks, it's a lifetime of Hollywood and media brainwashing talking and nothing more. So if a relationship doesn't work out, what are you going to say? Oh well I guess it wasn't meant to be because he/she obviously wasn't my soul mate? Perhaps the small fact that a good percentage of people are choosing to play with other people's private parts has something to do with that?..lol! There are billions of people on this planet, is it just a little convenient that probably 95 out of 100 times we all tend to find out "soul mates" locally? What if you find your soul mate, but you're not their soul mate? I'm sure that's happened too many times to count in our world.
I say forget about talk of soul mates. Look for mutual attraction and compatibility amongst a slew of other good qualities. Someone who genuinely wants and works (puts in effort) to make you happy with you reciprocating. Someone who understands what it means to be in a relationship or at least eager to learn alongside you. If you've found such a connection and compatibility and have proven this through time and overcoming many challenges, then feel free to call them whatever you want. If calling them your soul mate turns your crank, so be it. Frankly, I think in large part you decide if someone is going to be your soul mate by the choices you make, the decisions you make, the way you treat and communicate with one another and the work and effort one puts into the relationship.
Anyone who thinks the notion of a soul mate somehow transcends and/or trumps all other relationship logic and requirements (some of which I mentioned above) is probably setting themselves up to be a good candidate for adding to the pile of people filing for divorce. As a result, I think the construct of a soul mate is often counter-productive when it comes to ensuring meaningful, satisfying, and enduring relationships. Let's just be smarter and not fall for Hollywood and other romanticized propaganda as its utility is essentially useless and probably does more damage to delude people as to what relationships are really about and what it takes to make them succeed. Some mystical soul mate is not just going to come down from on high and ensure you have the best relationship ever. If that is the case, then most certainly, upon closer inspection, you will likely be able to identify a number of things that each partner is doing effectively resulting in a mutually satisfying relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): I found my soulmate,we found each other but he was so scared an was so negative about relationships breaking down etc he ended it with diffrent excuses as he lives in fear,so you dont always end up with them although you do belong together
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 For starters there is a big difference between infatuation and real love.
Infatuation is stars in the eyes; head over heels "in love"; you may be obssessed with the person and think about him non-stop - sometimes to the extent that other things you need to be doing in your life get neglected(!). There is often also high anxiety when he doesn't phone (or does, but lets a few days pass before doing so - and often the reason he doesn't call when you think he should is simply because he's busy, and has his own life - AS YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE! Its good not to be "joined at the hip" but to spend some time apart with your own friends and activities......
Real love, on the other hand, often (and good when it does) begins as friendship. You both take your time getting to know each other - without jumping into bed in the first month or so as sex entered into early on can "blind" you to what sort of person he really is. To put it another way, you get hooked on the sex - and of course, I'm not saying sex isn't good and part of an enjoyable relationship between two people.
Anyway, you spend time together, in activities you both find interesting and enjoyable, sometimes just the two of you, sometimes with other friends or family members. Shared experiences tend to give you interesting topics to talk about together.
Another "ingredient" is having a similar outlook on life and goals. Hopefully your ideas about the world, life, religion, politics, family (whether you both want children, and if so, how many). Being able to recognize that if you both work, then your jobs are important to you, hopefully fulfilling, as well as bringing needed income into your shared lives.
Good communication and TRUST are essential. Showing and knowing you support one another (are "there" for each other in good times and bad) and when conflicts arise - as sooner or later they will - being able to sit down when you're both calm and talk it out with (if you can) no blaming, or accusing. I know this is difficult if he has let you down in some way, and you're very angry. The ability to compromise, or sometimes to agree to disagree on some issue and accept it without throwing it in one another's faces (letting go of grudges and resentment). Again, not always easy! You know one another very well, and can see, but accept, each other's faults and sometimes irritable/bad moods.
Of course, it goes without saying that what you should NOT ever accept is a man who cheats, lies to you, engages in criminal behavior or illegal drugs, who disrespects you and is verbally and/or physically abusive!
You respect and value YOURSELF as a decent human being. You also respect your love, and care about one another enough to want his well-being as you do your own.
Hope this helps in determining who your soul mate might be!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): You dont look for anything in a guy,that would be choosing. It happens and you have no choice. He will be your best friend,even going out with old friends seems boring and wish he was there instead. Sex will be love and lust and you wont even look at anyone else. Unfortunately it doesnt go without some kind of fear of losing or feeling some insecurity from time to time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): hey trust me you will know when you find your soulmate, I sure did know when I found mine I can't explain how you know, you just do. Its like you can tell them anything, you always want to be with them, you can't see yourself being with anyone else (you will only ever love this person), you love this person more then you can ever say and you know he feels the exact same way. It doesn't come right away, you have to give it time.
I hope everything works out for you :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is a simple test. If he picks you up for a date and he opens the car door for you and after he shuts your door behind you, you reach over to unlock his door so he can hop right in, he may be what you are looking for.
Sounds stupid and simple but very telling of the way one person feels for another.
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female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Is there such a thing? Can there be more than 1 Soul Mate?
Before my fiance past away many years ago I always thought of him as my 1 and only soul mate, but as life as shown me, soul mates can be many people. My son is a soul mate, my best friend is a soul mate, my brother is a soul mate, my mother a soul mate because the love we share is unconditional. It's a different kind of love but none the less in my mind they are my soul mates.
Soul mates are many not just 1 person in my opinion.
If your wanting to know how do you know when you find that special man to share a future with,to have a family with, then the answer is simple, You will know when it comes along because your love will be unconditional.
You will be free to be you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Assess if you still have unresolved conflicts. If you are able to resolve fights where everyone is satisfied - the rest is easy.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 You can never be sure if he is your soul mate or not, many people change and simply fall out of love with each other even if everything is perfect and they are both blissfully happen. Therefore you should just concentrate on being in a happy relationship and not worrying if he is your soul mate or not. If the both of you are happy together that is all that should matter.
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female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (14 January 2011):
 This "soul mate" notion is very relative these days. There is no soul mate. It's just chemistry, compatibility, you get along well, you share some of the interests, you complete each other, you help them and they help you, they make your day brighter and you actually feel it. Then comes the routine.
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female
reader, 1989BABY +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I don't believe in soul mates or even the "one" only because you can be in love with a couple of different people throughout your whole lifetime. I do believe that you can be in love with someone though, how i knew? It just came sitting there watching a movie and i look over and just have this overwhelming feeling of love for him. Waking up to him, making love, being with him makes me the happiest. I'm in love with him.
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male
reader, Dataluke  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 This is a question that will give many different answers but that's because its all down to interpretation.
I have found my soul mate, her name is Beth and she is the love of my life. To anyone else she doesn't have anything special about her that would make her soul mate material, but in my eyes its a totally different story.
I know she's my soul mate because I can't see a future without her in it. She is the person I want to see every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep.
There is no sure way of telling when your particular soul mate will come along, or when. But trust me, if it is them, then you will never be apart again.
I hope this helped.
All the best, Dataluke
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female
reader, diddycoy +, writes (14 January 2011):
hi
all i can tell you is that when i fell in love i new because ..he was always in my thoughts my belly would do flips when i seen him.whether he was carressing me or just an accidental touch i used to tingle,an like you i had many ex,x but with this man i just wasnt interested in another, i never once even strayed with my eyes or my thoughts.. you feel so comfortable even when silent, and as time goes on you start to finish his/her sentances off lol...
good luck
but the real answere is " only time will tell "
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