A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My friend had been with her boyfriend for 19 months before they split up, it was her first boyfriend so it's kind of hit her hard. How do i support her? Like, what do i say and do? Help will be appreciated, thanks
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female
reader, SOShelp +, writes (5 June 2012):
 Don't hang over her like 'Are you ok?' or 'Do you want to talk?'. If you're her friend then she'll talk if she needs to.
Obviously she's been hit hard. Prioritise her in your friendship group. If she wants to go to the cinema then go to the cinema but don't baby her about.
Apart from that don't treat her any differently or be overly friendly or she might think that something is up. Judge it on how big a deal she makes. Remember that just because she doesn't talk to you doesn't mean she hasn't talk to someone else so just be considerate.
A
female
reader, CANDY61  +, writes (3 June 2012):
I think the more she talk about it the better it will be for her. I feel your friend's pain because when my son's girlfriend dumped him with no explaination for another guy he was so hurt. There were nights when I was up all night listening, talking and encouraging him. There were times when I took my son for long rides and walking the malls, how about taking her to a mall she has never been to, that should be interesting walking and sight seeing.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (3 June 2012):
 Just be there for her to talk to if she needs it. You can only offer advice if it is something that you have experienced. For the most part all the person needs is someone to talk to and take her mind off things.
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A
female
reader, MariaTrent +, writes (2 June 2012):
Have her tell you 5 things that annoyed her about him, then take her to a movie she wants to see or do something else to get her mind off of him. Tell her that if she contacts him, she sabotages any chance of them getting back together -- actually, if he contacts her, she needs to act confident that breaking up was the best thing for them -- this will cast serious doubts in his mind that he broke up with her. Tomorrow, tell her to focus on 5 more annoying things...and the next day. If she doesn't seem to be over him, start taking her to places where there are a lot of men. Tell her that in order for a man to appreciate her, she needs to make him work for her affection (*not in one night -- but over weeks, months). You're a great friend. Wish I had one like you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): It's nice to see such a caring question on this site.
Firstly, I would say just be an ear...let her vent and don't say much. Secondly, I would also say if she starts to go off a cliff and begins to needlessly blame herself or begins to put herself down, like she's not pretty enough, not good enough, etc., then correct her and tell her why that's not so. Thirdly, I would just be an ordinary friend; ask her to do things she already likes and is interested to get her mind off of it. Encourage her to remember who she is at heart and to take care of herself. It's not a fun period to go through, but having supportive friends makes a big difference.
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