A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am almost thirty yrs old, I am married to a man who is four years younger than me and has a sex drive of a sixteen yr old. We have 3 children together, all between the ages of 6 to 1 yr old. I work full time as well as have the children in various activities besides school and playschool. My husband does his share in the chore department. The problem I have is that he wants sex constantly. He thinks that 2 - 3 times a week is not enough. I am always tired because of the hrs I work plus the motherly duties I have at home and I don't have the energy to put out more than 3 times a week. How do I make him understand that I am not a machine?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 Timing is everything. With 3 kids you're both stretched to the limit.
Perhaps finding someone to help take care of the kids so that you aren't as tired, will help keep the 2 - 3 times a week thing going. But it seems to me that you could find the time if the two of you want it.
With full-time work though I can also see the desire to cut back on everything just so you can get some sleep.
Maybe if the two of you divide up the work a little bit more, and make room in your lives so you have more time in the evenings and weekends to enjoy each other -- and relax -- sex won't be so stressful.
Having a libido is good. Its healthy. I don't know about 2x a day, but a couple of times a week is normal if you have a good, solid intimate relationship.
However, everything said aside, if your libido is suffering because of all of this awesome responsibility, then you're showing a lot of signs of stress and that has to be addressed first. So think of things that could be done to relieve most of your stress so that you're happier with your life.
From what you've written, it seems there's so many demands on your time, you're downright exhausted!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): As a married 25 year old guy with 2 kids and a working wife I understand what you are going through. I also know how I feel sexually and need to feel that release several times per week. So I sympathize with your husband too.
Not to be gross, but I need to release as much as twice a day sometimes or else I feel really edgy, annoyed, impatient, and aggressive. It was worse when I was 18 (sometimes 5 times a day - sorry to be direct but I am being honest). As soon as I release I feel relaxed and more in control. Sure I can go more than a day without releasing, but then my testicles ache. Yes, they actually hurt until I release. Girls just don't understand this.
Based upon what I experience as a guy in my mid twenties, and the fact that 2-3 times per week is too much for you, it sounds like your husband is taking care of his needs more than you are. And... you want to cut him back from 2-3 times per week now to even less? Sorry but that will kill any marriage and make a guy stray.
You said he does his fair share of the chores around the house. He still wants sex and you don't because you are always tired. Not to be rude, but perhaps you are out of shape and overweight? I see so many American (Canadian too) women get pregnant and they gain a ton of weight, which they never lose between kids (more so than European women). Just stroll through Disney World sometime and check out the condition of American mom's with young kids in tow. It's an eye opener.
Sorry for being blunt, but both life and marriage are about sacrifices and compromises. Get him to chip in a bit more on those things/chores that make you tired. Try getting in better shape, so you can handle your fair share of chores like your husband and still have energy for sex. When that happens pick it up in the bedroom some more. Do you want him going to another for his needs?
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A
male
reader, Artfuldodger +, writes (28 September 2009):
He is your husband...if he wants it...he wants it...
think about it, wouldnt you rather he has it with you, then someone else..right?
his biology is not going to change....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Regarding the previous poster.... Men, not even the twenty-somethings NEED to ejaculate 2 times each day. I just did a thorough review of the scientific literature and there is absolutely no evidence of this (I am a PhD student in psychology, development and family relations). Perhaps that individual should actually look at the facts before spreading untruths.
You have choices : Have a serious sit down conversation with your husband, see a counselor individually, see a counselor together. Both parties in a marriage must agree on the frequency of sexual relations, otherwise resentment will grow. Compromise, compromise, compromise. Ahhhh, isn't marriage fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): You should tell him to take some more of the weight of the household chores off your shoulders, and that if you're not so tired he'll get some more of you. If you feel like it that is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): A man in his mid 20's needs sexual release every day. Not wants, needs! He needs to ejaculate at least twice a day, and that adds up to 14 times per week, minimum. You are only taking part in that exercise 2-3 times out of 14, which, on average, is less than 20% of what he needs.When I was first married in my twenties, my wife and I had sex twice a day, before work and before we went to bed each night (barring her period). My wife liked sex so when the kids came along we still found time each day to hook up, even though we both worked full time. Sometimes back then I thought 7 times per week wasn't enough. My wife and I bickered sometimes, because I wanted to get laid more than once per day like when we were first married. Geesh, looking at your situation, I was a huge ass to my wife! Two to three times per week? Come on!If I wanted sex more than once per day, I took care of that myself. I masturbated only 50% of the time (compared to your husband) and still I held some resentment toward my wife for holding back that much. Again, looking at your situation I was a huge ass. Your hubby is taking care of business himself almost 80% of the time and for that you should be appreciative.Since you are not up to the task, tell him that he has your permission to go out and get his rocks off somewhere else. Just be sure to tell him to wear protection so he doesn't bring something nasty home. That's the way it happened in the old days when women only had sex to make babies (before the female orgasm was invented).Or if you don't like that suggestion think about this...You must both be in bed at the same time at some point together each day. If he wants sex and you don't feel amorous, just make it clear to him that he can go for a ride, but you aren't participating. After all, how much "work" is it for you to lay there like a lump and let him get his rocks off in you instead of in some floozie at the pool hall? He is after all your "husband", not a one night stand. Really.. come on.. how bad would it be to let him climb on and go for a ride instead of riding some other chick?It's your choice.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Well, between being busy and tired, that's understandable... but I can't help wonder what it will be like in a while when you're in your late thirties (when many women's libidos hit their peak) and his starts to drop off. The tables may turn once the kids are old enough to take care of themselves and you're less stressed, less tired, and more eager.
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A
female
reader, Kendra0589 +, writes (28 September 2009):
 Your husband shoud understand that you're tired with everything you do. Explain to him that sex more than 3 time out of the week is out of the question. Most men want sex 5 or 6 times of the day but mainly because men have a higher sex drive. You can't make him understand anything. Your husband has to want to understand.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
Well I'm in a relationship with an older woman. She spoke to me and said that though she enjoyed the sex, she simply couldn't keep up and didn't need it as much. I wasn't offended or anything, because she said it in a nice way. Sit your husband down and simply say that you love having sex with him (start with a positive), but you can't do it that often. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. Hopefully he'll understand.
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