A
male
age
36-40,
*raigB1986
writes:I'm 23, been with my girlfriend since second year of university (Nov. 2005), and our relationship's been mostly good.Yes, we've had arguments, like every couple do, but usually silly ones.However, my girlfriend has recently started criticising me for actually wanting to spend time with her male friends - I met them from the start of the relationship, and they know and like me, we have a fair bit in common.She's being possessive of her friends, and tells me when I can and can't see them - yet I'd never do that to her.I have no reason to suspect her of having an affair with any of them, I trust my girlfriend a lot, and I know the male friends' partners anyway (only three of the guys are single, and five - seven are in homosexual/gay relationships), yet ironically she thinks I'm having a gay affair with them.Yet the thing is, one of her friends [a male] asked me for advice on getting a job in areas I know a lot about(computing, food and drink, social groups industry) and he's been wanting advice on getting better at skills, so I've spent a lot of time helping him, simply because I like being kind to people.I've tried talking to my girlfriend, asking her why she thinks I'm having a gay affair but she won't reply.I can't see a way out of this, yet I don't want to split up over something like this.What can I do?
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male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (4 October 2009):
 I find it hard to imagine a long-term GF of a straight guy spontaneously accusing him of something as serious as cheating on her; and of doing it with another guy, at that! There has to be a deeper reason for the accusations, but based on what you’ve told us, I doubt it has much to do with you personally.Also, I don’t like the whole ‘possessiveness’ thing you mentioned. If it weren’t for that I’d almost think she was trying to start a fight, and picking some bizarre excuse to put the blame on you.For whatever reason, it sounds like she is either developing a serious case of possessiveness tainted with trust-issues, or she is overcompensating for a guilty conscious of her own. Seems kind of odd that this control streak/accusations would suddenly make themselves evident after these many years together.Maybe its time for a non-accusatory conversation. I think it will help to explain that you do not feel that the trust and respect you have for her is not returned. Also, that it degrades your place as an equal within the relationship when she dictates who you can and can’t spend time with on your own. You are her partner, not her child.If you feel it necessary, a break might help re-establish mutually-held boundaries. But that might be a little premature. See how the conversation goes and what she is feeling. If you can both work to get to the root of the mistrust, hopefully all can be mended.I wish you well.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 September 2009):
If she won't believe you or trust you over this, what hope has your relationship got in the future? Tell her once and for all that nothing is happening and that he lack of trust is damaging your relationship. If she still won't hear of it, let het go.
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