A
male
age
41-50,
*SA24Cali
writes:Hello,My girlfriend of 5 and half years has just recently broken up with me (about 2 weeks ago). She said that she no longer loves me, she found a new guy, she doesn't see a future with me, and etc. Anyways, I met her the other day and we were talking about our relationship. The conversation moved in to our sex life. And to she told me that she thought that I was below averege (in skill) and that she was not often satified with our intercourse. My question is how does one "improve" one's sex skills? She was my first partner but we had sex hundreds of times and if I am still bad at sex after 5 years is there anything I can do about it?
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male
reader, USA24Cali +, writes (17 July 2007):
USA24Cali is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice everyone. Wheather or not she was telling the truth or just being spiteful I don't know and I guess I don't care (well maybe a bit).
Again thanks everyone
A
female
reader, nailglitter18  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I would honestly suggest a book called "What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex". It's available from Amazon, and it's fairly cheap. It's geared towards making sex great for women, but frankly, when my boyfriend came over the other day, he picked it up, and was enthralled! He immediately picked out some things he didn't know, and wanted to try out. Let me tell you - he wasn't bad in the first place, but whatever he read in that book made a hell of a difference. I'm really glad I had it around. :P
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A
female
reader, Bunnygirl  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 I agree with the others, girls can be ver bitchy. Im a bit suprised she said it after she was the one that broke up with you as many would say it as a come back from being dumped. However, sure fire way to hurt and hinder a guy.
Your obviously very hurt already so by treading on it and saying it makes you consious of it for the future, therefore possibly hindering you. If your feelin under confident with how you are in a place where you want to shine (the bedroom) then your hardly going to want to move on and start dating again are you?
Part of a relationship is a partnership, share and share -a-like. If something is wrong then it had to be talked about otherwise it cant be sorted. Id say it says more about her and her insecurities than it does you. If the sex is bad it cant be down to one person after all that time. "It takes two to tango" and even though right now you feel insecure try thinking- if he she hung around for 5 1/2 years could you really be that bad!
Good luck honey, move on and up and enjoy it. Oh, and dont meet up with her again. It wont help.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): Look from a females point of view, when we break it off with a guy you will say hurt ful things.Its not that your bad at sex its that all woman know that when we talk about sex to a man its a very touching subject.We know that when you tell a man this. It will get under his skin and really bother u. Dont worry about what she says, dont let your self feel low thats how she wants you to feel.Think about it like this if you wasnt any good she would not had stayed with you for five years. Dont let that chick hurt you by saying that.You will meet somebody that you will have the best sex of your life, thats a promise.Time will tell!
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (16 July 2007):
YOu aren't bad at sex. It takes 2 people to make a good sexual relationship. If she had a problem, she should have spoken to you about it. How were you to know that you weren't satisfying her if she didn't tell you? Don't let this overshadow your next relationship because there is nothing to worry about. By all means, look at web sites etc as the other posters have suggested. This will give you ideas. But the best way to guaruntee to please someone is to ask them what they want, ask if you are pleasing them, ask what would feel even better? Remember, it isn't supposed to be like retaking your driving test. You just need to WANT to please your partner, be brave enough to ask what she likes, and enjoy yourself.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 she may be just doing this out of spite - if she was with you for 5yrs and didnt say anything then she cant have been that unsatisfying! if you are unsure of your technique then there are websites that can give you info on pleasing women, positions, pleasing men etc. one of these in sexinfo101.com - the next time you are going to have sex, you could even mention that you wanna try new things that you saw on this - the girl will appreciate that you are interested in her pleasure and will be impressed before you even have sex. i hope this helps if you wanna talk about this further (or want any tips etc?!!!) dont hesitate to email me xxx
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (16 July 2007):
So she spent 5 years with a sexually below level bf, Hah! That's a bunch of BS. You can be sure of that. As I see it you both used each other for 5 years with sex as the bases of your togetherness, sex isn't a very good glue when it comes to holding a relationship together. AS for the future she was talking about, I would say, perhaps, he has more going for him in a materialist way than you do. Lot of men/women stay together in even sexless relationships, just for that materialism. None of us are born Lovers, We all have to learn. So don't get down on yourself. Hey! I'll soon be 80, years young, and I still have a lot to learn when it omes to women and love THEM. Do get some good books on "How To Love A Woman:. The best one will be written by women author's. You Life isn't over because she chose to move on. You need to do the same, And there are lots of wonderful, caring, loving women out there, so have at it. BUT first,PLEASE DO LEARN ALL YOU CAN ABOUT HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN'S MIND AND BODY.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Bitterblue is just right. Now, use this information for your future relationship: try to get whoever comes next to speak directly to you. Tell her exactly what you have in mind: that you cannot improve on anything if you don't know what you're doing wrong.
I'm glad you're taking this in a correct manner. Don't let this hurt you. As Bitterblue says, what's exactly the meaning of "average" in this context?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): This person gave you this "sentence" at the end of the relation, instead of discussing this during the relation, which is wrong, it's not as if she made you a favour by keeping silence until now and the moment she chose makes me think she is just not the adept of gentle ends"". If I say "I am an average person, like average food and live in an average house" what will you say? That's I'll have to be more specific, because everyone has an own sense of "average." Whatever she disliked can be pleasant for other girls also. It's very likely you have absolutely no problem while the fear of having it can work against you, so don't be influenced by what she said. For your tranquility if you want to investigate, google some topics, net's full of such resources, texts, videos...
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (16 July 2007):
 Ah hun,
I think she is just trying to be mean, you was with this girl for 5 and a half yers and she only tells you this when you have split up, I really wouldn't take any notice of her honestly.....
But on the other hand when you next have a girlfriend just make sure you ask her if she likes what your doing an honest girl will always point you in the right direction afer all its about both partners having pleasure isn't it?
Good luck babes and honestly please please please ignore her bitchy comment
Love Donna xx
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