A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey all some advice please,so thanks to good genes and hard work I have a good body and I love showing it off. I like the looks I get and it gives me a lot of confidence. Some people might say I dress like a slut but that's their opinion and I don't care - for the most part. The one person I do care about what he thinks is my husband. He doesn't aaprove of what I wear sometimes and recently we got into a big fight about it. We had just come back from a dance party wear I wore daisy duke shorts and a tiny crop top tee that showed some underboob. It's one of my fav outfits because of the attention it gets mr but instead of being proud of being with a woman who has a good body and is sexually free, he gets all jealous.How do I get him to be ok with what I wear and enjoy showing me off?
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male
reader, zyxwxxx  +, writes (12 February 2012):
When we were engaged, and in the first couple of years of marriage, I hated when my wife wore anything that showed even little cleavage, or was too figure-tight. However as our relationship has strengthened after a few years, I have started enjoying her wearing sexy clothes. Now, I am always nagging her to wear sexy clothes. I guess, earlier I felt insecure, which I don't feel now, because I trust her now.
I think you should respect his wishes and win his trust. As your relationship grows stronger, he would stop minding you wearing sexy clothes, or showing some skin. Let him know that you care more for him than your clothes.
Best wishes!
A
female
reader, LexiV +, writes (22 December 2010):
Dear tiny cropped T, These answers are all wrong.
Glamour icons, beauties queens and hotties alike wear "peek-a-boo" and "underboob" as fashion alternatives to boring -- every body’s got it -- traditional cleavage. Underboob is hot.
Several years ago I saw an online survey where, if I remember correctly, approximately 70% of men said they preferred underboob to ALL other cleavage... yet only about 25% of women responded saying they would wear it. Mostly, this survey is a comment on the insecurities we have about the size and/or shape of our breasts. Probably why underboob is rare among women over about 30.
As for me, I’ve been wearing underboob alot. At first, I thought it was like fetish wear. But I began seeing it, and realized its just a trendy and sexy fashion statement. My favorite is a short cropped schoolgirl cardigan that barely covers my 32D twins -- well, covers them until I move, then, maybe an inch or so of underboob easily shows. Mostly I wear it dancing because it makes me feel hot. I wear it as fashion. I wear it for fun. I wear it to create a sexy mood. I enjoy being the center of attention. So yes, it is about me! I’m pretty, I’m sexy, and I’m smart. I keep my body in centerfold shape, so why not? Fortunately, my boyfriend loves it too, and is more than happy to keep an eye out for my safety.
Now, there can be no debate -- underboob attracts a lot of attention, and not all of it good. When I wear underboob, I accept there will be some haters -- shockingly, most of it from jealous, sexually repressed women. Rarely do men disapprove, however it has been my experience that once a man became verbally aggressive when rebuffed. SO much for tolerance.
You asked, “How do I get my husband to enjoy showing off his beautiful wife?”
This is too easy!
What does he work hard to have?
An expensive sports car?
Hugely expensive clothes?
Work two jobs for a gorgeous home?
Whatever… he worked hard to get you -- his beautiful wife!
NO rational man hides his only car -- an exotic sports car in storage under a car cover never to be driven?
Do I have to go on? This guy is a collector. He went hunting, shot himself a trophy wife, and had you mounted above the fireplace mantel. Your not his wife, you’re the possession of an insecure weasel! He’s more concerned about social propriety and his own fear of ridicule and judgment, than empowering you and allowing you a little fashion fancy or indulge your sexual fantasies. Underboob is not fetish, its not deviant, and its not any big deal. After all, there was a time when a woman showing her ankles was considered scandalous. I think he’s got major control issues and probably some sexual hang-ups. I guess the question is, will you give in or perhaps let fashion derail your marriage? Seems to me there are lots of guys who would love a pretty wife who enjoyed sporting underboob. For me, any guy who didn't like my sense of fashion doesn't like me. Good luck girl!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 October 2010):
 You can still dress sexy but a bit more covered up. Daisy dukes and showing off underboob is just asking for a fight with your husband. Wear clothes that fit, not too tight..dresses are sexy, backless shirts, skirts, pencil skirts and I know men who love women in sweatpants and a tank. And who's to say you can't show off a little cleavage? Not too much, keep them girls properly holstered.
I say a lot of it is in how you dress, men are still going to look at you regardless..but you can keep it tasteful and their tongues in their mouths a little more by dressing a bit more conservative but still have sex appeal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): Unfortunately there's not much you can do to stop guys looking at you, trust me even if a pretty woman was wearing a black sack we'd still be checking her out.
You can tone it down a notch though. Limit your skin exposure. Dress demure as birdy says. The only problem is though we guys can sense when a girl wants attention, we can pretty much tell when a girl wants to be ogled by the way she dresses and acts.
When a girl gives us the green light like that then we'll stare at her and some of the more sleazy/ballsy guys will try it on. Usually we're discreet about checking girls out, to the girl anyway, we're very good at not letting the girl who we're checking out see that we are. But anyone who's with her can see us doing it a mile away.
The only thing that would really have an effect is if you could just gain confidence knowing guys are going to do that anyway, instead actively looking around for guys to check you out. Know that even when you don't see them doing it that they are doing it. Because you have to remember you're very rarely going to see a guy checking out your ass.
If you can train your brain to give you the confidence you get from being checked out, when not actually seeing guys do it then you'll be on to a winner. But when you're looking around to see who's checking you out, then you're making eye contact with a lot of guys, some of those will assume it's game on. That's where the problem for the hubby comes into it, because by making eye contact you're ensuring they'll keep looking to see if you do it again instead of just a fleeting glance.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 Dress provocatively in private and more demurely in public.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the messages. I really appreciate it.
I can confirm I am very committed to my husband and love him dearly. And while I enjoy the attention my body gets me, I am always all over hubby when out so he and everyone knows I belong to him. When we were dating, he seemed to really enjoy it but now seems to be less happy - this didnt make sense to me as he should feel even more comfortable and secure in our relationship.
Since I posted this question, I have spoke with hubby. He told me he loves my body and the way I dress but said he feels like he has to be constantly on guard to protect me from other guys. He said its the fact that now we are married, he has more to lose.
Given this arrangement, what do people suggest? How can I dress the way I (and hubby) and have me get attention (because of the confidence it gives me) without hubby feeling insecure? Is it the way I act towards hubby when out? Is it where we go?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2010): Hi
You can still show your great bod off if you are totally covered, a tailored trouser cat suit,shows your whole figure off but looks sassy and leaves more to the imagination. If you have a good figure go for well fitting clothes that enhance your shape or a really classy material that is loose but falls in the right places.
I am sure you will still get attention, it could be a LITTLE see through.
Good luck
spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 My ex once got her tits out and decided to show them to everyone in the bar, telling them all "aren't they fantastic".
I was thrilled, as you can imagine.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Sigh.. Difficult situation, impossible to find a proper compromise where everyone feels happy..
1. You have the right to wear what you want, no one should control your dress.
2. Your husband is embarrased by the trashy look you like, he hates the way you draw male attention to yourself.
When I was younger, I wore dressed exactly like you. But I never looked trashy, probably because I wear glasses and also carry books. My partner had no jealousy, because I dress only for me and nobody else, and don't notice male attention, because I aint looking and I aint interested.
That's where you are going wrong. Your not just celebrating your sexuality and being a woman. Your not wearing clothes that you find comfortable and celebrate the beauty of the human body.
Instead your trying to attract the attention of other men, this is a form of flirting and it makes your husband feel jealous and foolish. Would you like it if your husband started flirting with other women in front of you.
Why is your husbands attention not enough. Why do you have to tempt and tease strange men you don't even know.
There is no way to compromise. You want to play the single woman and your husband is looking for a respectful wife. Examine why you feel the need to get so much attention from other men.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 September 2010):
"The one person I do care about what he thinks is my husband." Well, then why do you care about the male attention you receive? Why do you care about him showing you off when his is the only opinion that matters? That's great that you have a nice body and you want to show it off but you should just be sharing it with your husband only. I'm sure you get a lot of second glances when you're wearing coochie cutters and half a t-shirt. However, it's when a lady is dressed with some class and with some mystery about her left is when she gets more positive attention. How about you save the sexy clothes in private for your husband, and dress a little more conservatively when out in public? I guarantee that will put in end to this argument.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Sounds like you love to show off some T&A. Its OK as long as you look good in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Sounds like you're more interested in attention than your husband. No wonder he isn't best pleased.
There's a fine line between being beautiful and confident and being trashy and embarrassing. Sounds like you don't quite appreciate that.
Sorry, but I'm on your husbands side. It's much more enticing to leave more to the imagination, otherwise you just look cheap. And what husband would want to flaunt a partner who just looked cheap?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (12 September 2010):
Showing you off would imply that you are still looking for something, putting your husband in the position of being cuckolded, which is probably why he doesn't like it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckold
No matter how pretty you are or how much you like attention, it shouldn't come at the expense of your husband.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (12 September 2010):
 "You have to understand that being seen with a beautiful woman is a very enjoyable experience, being seen with a trashy looking one is embarrassing!"
Never a truer word was spoken.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): I agree that this is not something you can change. Since you are in a committed relationship, if you truly want to dress the way he wants you to, then you will listen to what he says, instead of trying to change his mind about how you should dress. Apparently, in your case the message he is trying to send you is, "I prefer for you to dress classy, not trashy," But if you still want to dress very skimpy, you're a free human to do that, just don't lie to yourself that you are doing it for your husband, because in reality you are only doing it for yourself and other men. You can still dress attractively without showing off a lot of skin. You can be classy, instead of "trashy" and it is just as attractive, the only difference is that it will be attractive to a different class of men. So think about it, what is the image you want to project in front of your husband? "I'm desperate for attention, look at my exposed skin, and husband, your feelings don't matter" or "I'm beautiful and I know it and I show it off in a classy way, and husband, I take your feelings into consideration" Not saying you should not dress how you want, but as long as you're with him, if classy if what he prefers, that's your ticket to pleasing him. Also, as a woman I'd like to add, that in the last several years, I've come to realize that showing off a lot of skin consistently everyday is bad in the long-run because it ages your skin and makes your body sag a lot faster. You can still be stylish without destroying your skin or a classy image.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): As a man I love taking my wife out. She is the most beautiful woman in the world and like you she has a great body, the looks of admiration that she get's actually boosts my own self confidence in a weird way, plus she's just so damn hot I love looking at her!
In the years way before I met my wife I dated a woman like you, good looks and a great body but dressed completely inappropriate!
You have to understand that being seen with a beautiful woman is a very enjoyable experience, being seen with a trashy looking one is embarrassing!
Quite frankly people will be judging your man for being with a trashy looking woman and not in a good way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): You can't get him to do that. While you think it may be great to have guys leer at your body, he doesn't and he won't. Frankly it sounds to me like you don't understand us guys very well.
We guys love showing off our girlfriends, the idea that guys are checking out our girl makes us proud but you've got it all wrong. You're flaunting your body not your beauty. You're putting yourself on display like a piece of meat for hungry dogs not as a beautiful woman he can show to the world but as a pair of tits and ass, you can find in any porn magazine.
You're intentionally attracting unwanted attention as far as he's concerned. I think most women in relationships like to dress up, go out, feel sexy and like the fact that guys check them out as it gives them a confidence boost. I know my girl does. The thing is those women don't NEED male attention, whereas you do. They like it, you need it. Plus my girl dresses sexy for me, she only really wants my attention when we're out and couldn't give a crap who's looking at her. Of course she does wear more riqué outfits when she goes out with her girls and I;m fine with that, because she is going out to get male attention, the same as you but she's not subjecting me to the leering and greaseballs chatting her up.
Girls that act the way you do, don't exactly paint a picture of a happy, confident woman. They paint the picture of a 'good time girl' who is easy. We don't want guys thinking that about our women, you might have noticed we guys are quite territorial as concerns our partners, I mean in some male dominated societies they make their women cover themselves up completely.
Just because we live in a more accepting and open society doesn't mean we're not still prone to the same feelings, as other men.
It's nice to see guys checking out our girls as I already said but there's a limit, too many guys means more competition so it's inbuilt in us to not like that kind of attention in any kind of large number. Whereas for you, it's the number that counts, you need lots of guys to satisfy your needs and you do it in front of your husband.
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (12 September 2010):
 Hmmmmm. You'd be surprised how many men would be secretly fascinated and even aroused by this scenario. Readers may not agree with that, but it is true. Many women are peeved when husbands want us to wear short skirts, or wide, low-cut tops. Of course when we do, that can translate into major guy status for hubby.
Personally, the 'if you've got it, flaunt it' idea doesn't bother me. Some of us don't care for the extra attention; but for others, there is no better compliment.
I think that 'enjoy' is exactly the right word. Even if he doesn't (at this point,)he might LEARN to enjoy it. Of course if you've got the body, he really doesn't have that much to say...
That other men ARE interested might suggest that husbands not take their wives for granted. Surely, you're worth the attention.
Enjoy!
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A
female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (12 September 2010):
Hmmmmm. You'd be surprised how many men would be secretly fascinated and even aroused by this scenario. Readers may not agree with that, but it is true. Many women are peeved when husbands want us to wear short skirts, or wide, low-cut tops. Of course when we do, that can translate into major guy status for hubby.
Personally, the 'if you've got it, flaunt it' idea doesn't bother me. Some of us don't care for the extra attention; but for others, there is no better compliment.
I think that 'enjoy' is exactly the right word. Even if he doesn't (at this point,)he might LEARN to enjoy it. Of course if you've got the body, he really doesn't have that much to say...
That other men ARE interested might suggest that husbands not take their wives for granted. Surely, you're worth the attention.
Enjoy!
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (12 September 2010):
 He's never going to be okay with it, because you're getting attention from other men and showing them a side of yourself he feels only he should be allowed to see.
It's a great thing to feel comfortable with yourself and have confidence, but from what you've described, it sounds like it goes way beyond that. You crave attention and thrive on it, regardless of whether it's positive or negative. It's attention, period.
He's not going to be proud of this. While you may feel you're being free and having harmless fun, it comes across to others as a desperate cry for attention from a woman that lacks respect for not only herself but her husband, because she puts on a show for everyone rather than just for him.
I don't mean to sound accusatory or harsh, but only intend to shed some light on the subject. I hope everything works out for you two.
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male
reader, Yos +, writes (12 September 2010):
It's quite natural for a husband to not want his wife to show off too much and get too much attention. Why would a man want other men drooling over his woman? I know I wouldn't. Judging by what you say you wear, it's not surprising he's jealous.
Are you sure this is about him? It sounds like you like male sexual attention and want him to be ok with that. If he's not, what are you going to do? Because it sounds like he's not.
Are you willing to be 'sexy' for him and no one else, or is it important for you to have lots of men desire you? The harmony of your marriage could well rest on what you decide.
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (12 September 2010):
Did your husband "enjoy" showing you off when you were dating? If not, you're not going to get him to change now. Besides what makes you think he isn't proud to be with you now?
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