A
female
age
30-35,
*eckyHugs
writes:Ok So I live in the UK and the the law on having sex is 16 here. So im 18 in December 2010 and i have this major crush on my college teacher, ive been having like 'wet dreams' about him and ive NEVER crushed on a teacher before but hes 26 and hes not married. How can i make it clear to him that i like him without people finding out because the only email address i have for him is the college one and im guessing college monitor emails? Please help because he's acctually a nice guy and a really good teacher. BTW i have good grades so im not asking to get my grades better
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (12 May 2011):
 I am sorry, but as a teacher, we have a duty of care towards our students. You are children, and whilst in our care we act as guardians. Getting too close, and forming inappropriate relationships, as this is goes against every single rule in the book.
Doesnt matter if he hasnt had sex with you - the fact is people will think this has been going on a lot longer. Parents will be up in arms about it, because they will feel he has neglected and abused his postion of power. Once parents start to complain, he will probably be forced to prove there was no inappropriate contact. He will be put under supervision. He will be questioned over his behaviour. If public opinion is against him, he may be asked to leave the school. No parent wants a teacher who thinks little girls are ok to date anywhere near their children. He will gain a reputation that could follow him throught his career. It could ruin him.
This is the reality. Not all the dreams and rainbows you see.
Teachers should be teachers, not friends, not lovers. There is a line, and he has crossed it a long time ago. You may not like to hear that, but it is true.
So, what if you do get together. What if? He has a life, a house, a mortgage, a career. He has been to uni, been clubbing, been drinking, been a teenager. He is a grown up. Now he has to do grown up things, like pay bills. Do you pay your own way? Do you have a job? Do you know how much it costs to run a house and how much effort is involved? Do you do all your own washing, cooking, cleaning? He wants a grown woman, not a child who cannot look after herself. You are not independant, you have not lived. Are you going to get a job? If so what?
Where do you fit into that? Do you want to go to uni? If so, where? Stay at home? I doubt such a new relationship would last the distance. Very few relationships survive the strains of university. He would get bored and find a woman his own age. He wont wait for you. He is also at the age where he will want to settle down. Marriage, babies, the works. You are barely an adult yet. Do you want to throw your life away so soon?
You are 18.... you will want to go out clubbing, getting drunk, doing things normal teenagers do... oh but wait, you cant, because your older boyfriend is at home and doesnt want to go out. He has to paint the living room/wash car/do shopping.... and thats before he does the 5 hours of marking.
Teachers do not have a fun life. They spend HOURS when they get home marking, reading, making lesson plans. The day does not finish at 5pm. Weekends are often spent doing paperwork. Setting exams, reading a pile of 50 assignments. He wont have time to hang out with you.
Do you see, this is far bigger than you just being obsessed about a teacher. Lives can be ruined by the choices you make now. Not only his, but yours too.
You are young. If you put this older, unsuitable man before your own life, then you will regret it. Grow up, find yourself, become a woman.
You grow and change SO much between the ages of 18-21. In those few short years you will not recognise the woman you have become, and believe me, you will want very different things. Both from life and from men. This guy might seem like the perfect man now, but in a few years, he wont. You will be barely 21, he will be almost 30. That is a big difference, especially if you have missed out on life experiences.
Dont waste your life. Open your eyes. You are worth more.
A
female
reader, BeckyHugs +, writes (12 May 2011):
BeckyHugs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm finishing college in 17 days, he wont be my teacher anymore! plus we've not done anything incriminating these past 8 months, just talked and become really good friends! And he isnt grooming me at all. I know what grooming is and I regret the insinuation on your behalf!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 May 2011):
You are right, it is criminal. This teacher has been grooming you for a relationship whilst under his care. This is TOTALLY against the rules of teaching and if found out, he will face an investigation as people will assume that your relationship has been going on whilst you were at the school.
His reputation will get dragged thru the mud, he could be suspended, and if the news got out, there would be uproar from the parents. He would probably be asked to leave the school - either sacked or made to resign.
Essentially this could backfire and his career could be over. Do you want that?
Are you going to University? What will you do then? he will have to stay behind whilst you go away. He wont wait for you.
Time to act like an adult and realise this isnt an appropriate relationship.
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A
female
reader, BeckyHugs +, writes (7 May 2011):
BeckyHugs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, its been a while. So I finish college in 21 Days and I'm still talking and emailing with my teacher...we've become such close friends since my enormous crush in September. That crush has turned into Love since and were planning on getting together when I leave this month. Thank you all for your advice honestly!!! I'm so blundererly happy it's criminal :) xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I no how u feel but 1 year down the line will u still feel the same and if not u will have gone threw hell 4 nothing
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A
female
reader, BeckyHugs +, writes (15 September 2010):
BeckyHugs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers. I've told him that i like him and He said that he likes me back, but nothing can happen till i leave college which i expected
So thanks all xxxx
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A
female
reader, BeckyHugs +, writes (13 September 2010):
BeckyHugs is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am completely aware of this, but i have new information. Ok so hes been my teacher for 2 weeks, i dnt have like feelings for him im not completely dillusional but im jus ur average hormonal horny teen lol. ok so today we emailed eachother and we were talking for 3 hours about both my education and our personal lives. Someone doesnt get that comfortable with me in just 3 hours. I no he wont have feelings for me, i dnt want him to i jus wanna have sex
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A
female
reader, Miss Rain +, writes (12 September 2010):
are you sure he has feelings for you? you could just be imagining things because you're so besotted with him. if he turns you down it will be really embarressing to have to sit through his classes the rest of the year. maybe you should try and get closer to him and try an read if there are any signs from him. if there are i suggest you wait until the end of the year to tell him your feelings, so things wont be awkward, or illegal!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Just try keeping in touch. Maybe add him on facebook or just keep arranging to meet up. Because you'll be an adult, acting maturely he'll respond alot better. Your friends just need to accept your feelings. x
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A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 eh he could lose his job but slip him a note.. tell him you have a question about a paper you have to write? but then again maybe you should just back off until you leave college. nothing can happen
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): Legal age or otherwise, this is likely to get him fired.
It is still pretty much off limits for a teacher and student to date in any way, at least while one is in a position of power over the other.
So if you wish to persue a relationship you will either have to transfer to a different class or a different school altogether.
There is little chance of jail-time here as you are of age, but there is little chance that he'd have a job if you did anything and it was found out. Not to mention the fact that you'd be expelled without a second thought as well.
Do you really want either of you to have to put up with that kind of crap?
Flynn 24
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