A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriends gotta back into playing Warcraft over the last few months. It's really starting to get on my nerve cause I believe it's starting to affect our relationship. I don't care what he does in his free time when I'm not around, but lately when I've gone to spend time with him, he doesn't come to bed at night cause he stays up playing till 3 or 4, he plays for periods of time while I do something else... most recently I was there he tried to get me into it... I tried it's not my thing. Eventually I got bored and told him so and he then kept playing on his own while I sat there. He basically played for two days straight and I just went home. I tried to plan a date for us out of the town, he didn't sleep the night before and spent the whole day whinging about being tired, I looked at what we went to see alone while he sat around and we had to go home early because of his 'tiredness'.Tonight he called to see if I wanted to play, didn't bother to ask how I was, and when I said I wasn't going to play he ended the conversation fairly quickly. We spoke again about four hours later, he asked again if I was coming online, I said no, tried to talk to him and was getting little response other than him hitting away at the keyboard, I suggested I'd let him go and he couldn't have cared less. He's been there going on for 6 hours already, he's likely to do another 3 before bed at least. I'm feeling very frustrated. I know it will be difficult to bring up with him, as I've previously aid I don't mind him playing games when I'm around. When saying this I did say it was because I have class work etc to get done so I don't mind sometimes, but I never asked to be ignored. What can I do?
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 July 2014):
 Yeah, this would be a total deal breaker for me. I don't blame you at all. Boys and video games.
Games like that are great in moderation. If the person can use it as a stress relief or only play it at appropriate times. But during dates is certainly not appropriate. And missing out on going out or intimacy is also certainly not appropriate. It's affecting your relationship, therefore, you have every right to have a problem with it.
He's pretty much choosing video games over your relationship. That's not acceptable. He can either have full-time love affair with your or his game. But both isn't working out. A relationship requires both partners to meet each others needs and make appropriate efforts to keep the relationship alive and healthy. He's neglecting you for his game.
I would attempt to speak to him one more time, calmly, about your feelings. Make sure it's face to face and the video game is not being played at that time. You need his full attention. Calmly explain to him that you aren't happy and fulfilled in this relationship because of his gaming habits. Tell him that you love him, and you respect his hobbies and don't wish to percent him from playing. But set ground rules for when it's acceptable. No gaming during dates. No gaming til all hours the night before if you have plans the next day. No gaming while on the phone. Etc. Lay some rules down. And if he doesn't care to flow them, you'll quickly discover who his true love really is. If it's gaming, then bow out and realize this guy is not meant for you - or really mostly any woman, for that matter, as most women would NEVER put up with this.
Good luck to you.
A
female
reader, Ieve  +, writes (25 July 2014):
 World of Warcraft is almost always an addiction. I am telling you this as a former player, who also dated an addict. One thing you should know is couples who play WoW together immerse themselves in a whole different world that they cannot disconnect from. For example, when my boyfriend stole loot from me, or spent gold him rather than for something for both of us, we would fight about it offline. It consumed us completely.The gaming addiction to constantly get to another level with no real end-game in sight is a terrible thing to have to try and give up when there is always someone else out there who has something we want. For example, leveling and gearing a character to the degree that you think is good, but then realizing the game continually updates and patches to always make another goal. It never ends.You are with someone who is addicted, and just like an addiction to anything else, they have to want to quit on their own or else staying with him and tolerating or even fighting about the behaviour is going to enable him.Many guy-players on WoW call this "wife aggro", which is the cute term to bond together with whenever the woman in their life nags the guy to get off the game. (You may know this, but for others, "aggro" means you've aggravated an adversary unwittingly and are now in combat with them. To have "wife aggro" means the guy is suddenly faced with an annoyed woman demanding he get off the game, hence feels he's in combat with her.)Just to let you know my own experience: I did quit WoW, but only because my ex who also played ruined my life in other ways. When we split, I was suddenly not playing the social game anymore and felt disconnected from what I was used to. Having social connections on WoW is also another factor in keeping people logged in. People tend to feel lonely and WoW can make them feel important. The addicted WoW player does not think about the person they are in a relationship with or their own family (I've heard neglected, crying children in the background on MANY games!) and instead, they become irritated thinking it's their family who should understand that they are busy.Also, gaming habits in general cause a big riff with couples and families who believe their gaming time should be respected, just as any hobby would be if the gamer was away from home. If your boyfriend was out playing snooker three times a week, you wouldn't be able to bother him. But WoW and other games keeps the person home, giving the impression they can be interrupted. This is when the gamer believes the family or their spouses should respect this time, justifying their neglect.Some guilds on WoW only make it worse for people. They demand that you need to have a certain level in gear (something that takes time and work to obtain) and demand that the player be available for about four nights per week to instance together. But it doesn't stop there. The player needs the downtime from raiding to play the game to collect materials or food they need for upcoming raids. This is where the 10-14 hour gaming times come in to play.I know this is bad because I found myself calling in sick at work just to get caught up. I spent real money buying things in game to help me out, such as buying gold to save me from trying to spend time making money in-game, transferring servers (whenever my boyfriend got in to fights on our server with other players so we can start fresh some place else), or buying pets or items to impress other players.I know I'm over-explaining but the bottom line is, your boyfriend is addicted to WoW, and as a business, that's what WoW wants. To keep him logged in, continuing to log in, and keep his membership up. You will always come second, and if you continue this relationship, you won't have him back until he decides the game is no longer interesting.To give you an update: four years later and my ex STILL is playing WoW. I was curious to see if he dumped the game and it looks like he's still hard at it. This has been going on for him since 2004. I played from 2008-2012. I gained a lot of weight, my eyesight became strained, and my relationships on and offline were negative and unhealthy. Everything revolved around trying to constantly improve my character to show it off to other WoW players. All I wanted was for my family and friends to see how accomplished I was on the game, trying to get them online so they could be impressed. It's up to you to continue on with him, but the good news is, once someone is off WoW for about a week or two, the interest to log back in is not so great. If you can encourage him to drop his membership and not renew, he will feel he has fallen far behind after losing a lot of precious WoW time to keep it up that it won't feel worth it anymore to log in.Good luck, there is hope, but if not, you might have to treat his problem as though you were with an addict of anything else (booze, drugs, sex, etc.).
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