A
male
age
41-50,
*ruce lee
writes:It's me again. I have people who are pressuring me to be in a relationship, but there's just one problem...I'm permanently disfigured. I used to have tits, and then I had surgery. It still doesn't look normal and the Doctors don't care. But the point is I can't accept my body the way it is and I don't think I ever will. I am ashamed of how I look.No-one seems to understand that I am embarrassed and I don't want to be touched by anyone.How do I explain to my friends that I DEFINETELY DON'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED SEXUALLY by anyone. It's my life and I don't care about whether or not I'm in a relationship ever.Does anyone out there understand? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather  +, writes (30 January 2011):
 Sorry to contradict but no - God has not given up on you - YOU have given up on you.You're bitter, you can't change that, you say. But you CAN change how you look. Seek out that corrective surgery and please - stop feeling sorry for yourself - as if the world owes you something.Sure, you were dealt a shit hand but it is in YOUR power to change that. DO IT!And if you wanna talk God, then God helps those who help themselves. Go on, give yourself a swift kick up the arse and sort it!Good luck and let us know how you get on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): Scars don't always have to be seen as unpleasant, they're a sign that somebody has lived, and that they're real. The right person will you love for them.
...............................
A
male
reader, bruce lee +, writes (30 January 2011):
bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answers. I don't know what to do though. I feel like I've given up on life. God has turned his back on me. He didn't give me what I wanted.
All I wanted out of life was a fair go. I don't believe I've even got that. I am quite bitter.
They say that it's not good to be bitter, but I can't change how I feel.
...............................
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl  +, writes (29 January 2011):
 First of all, gynecomastia is not some rare disorder. In fact, 40-60% of men have gynecomastia. That being said, I am very sorry that you were the victim of a botched surgery, and I have no doubt it has hurt your self-esteem.
So... I'm guessing that your chest is scarred and probably asymmetric. Why on earth would you let something like that prevent you from being intimate and developing a relationship with a female? I understand that this was probably emotionally traumatic for you. The thing is... this isn't a big deal to others, but you've somehow convinced yourself that this makes you undesirable. I sincerely hope you change your mind about this.
If you don't mind me asking, when did this botched surgery occur? I'm just curious how long you have been dealing with this issue. If it bothers you that much, why don't you save up your money so you can receive reconstructive surgery from a different surgeon? Is that an option for you?
Anyhow, I wish you all the best! Keep your chin up!
...............................
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I understand that you are upset regarding you 'disfigurement', however I think you are being much too superficial.
Give people some credit - people that love you will not judge you for it, even strangers will not. Do you know how many people out there walk around with HUGE abdominal scars, c-section scars, breast surgery scars and other 'disfigurements'?
Imagine if these people felt the same way, there would be a world of sad lonely people.
Honestly, your scars are part of who you are. Embrace them and learn to love yourself. Therapy would also be a good idea to help heal and move past these feelings.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (29 January 2011):
Yes, I think I can understand that. I think you should exhaust all avenues of possible medical treatment before you resign yourself to a life as you described. Surely there's some medical person who will not only listen but be prepared to point you in the right direction for corrective surgery?
Don't give up yet as I feel sure something can be done as a remedial action. Then you can be in a position to choose wether you want any kind of relationship or not. At the moment, I understand that you don't have that choice.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 January 2011):
 I understand you grieving for your body, and I understand your insecurities, but it is hard for me to understand how you want to push people out of your life who love you despite the surgery. People want to get close to you, who love you for much, much more than scars... and it is very sad that you refuse to let them. You will be very lonely. There are people out there without an arm or a leg, or with burn marks all over who still have love, touching, intimacy.
It is your life and you have every right to decide not to be in any sort of relationship. All you have to say is, "I'm sorry, I don't want to be touched - I hope you can respect that". Or, if your friends are trying to set you up, say "I'm sorry guys, but I'm just not wanting a relationship in my life right now. I'll let you know if that changes".
Maybe you should consider going to therapy and finding someone to help you through this process. You shouldn't have to deal with something like this alone. Good luck!
...............................
|
