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female
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anonymous
writes: How do i emotionally detach myself from an unloving husband?when i say unlove it means he is never mentally or emotionally attached to me...i have tried to please him in all way but he prefers to be left alone most of the times. the only way i realize that would work the best is by getting detached because me being emotional irritates him. and this all leads to a fight . i am serious here and appreciate if you could give me tips on how one can emotionally detach.i am an emotional person. thats it. rest everything in our life is fine. and i like him so can some one give me tips.men i appreciate your tips too.how not to be emotional with your spouse?And still stay in the marriage. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, moebony  +, writes (27 December 2010):
Ironically enough, I am going through the same situation as you. We still live together, and have two beautiful children. We both are in nursing school, and married at a young age. I married him when I turned 19, which means I moved with him from living with my parents, so I never had the experience on living by myself and developing a personality on my own. However, not all of our experiences have been bad, but lately it's gotten worst. The difference between me and you is that I know where we stand in this relationship. I didn't want our relationship to change because I don't like change. I have gotten use to how our life is and I am afraid of being on my own in the real world. I have relied on him for many things dealing with financial issues. I work and go to school, but he normally takes care of the bills. He know what resources to use, and I was, and I say was afraid that if I lose him, I will be lost,but I have come to realize, the only reason I am afraid is because I have not experienced a lot of things on my own. Life is going to happen regardless, and we have to deal with it. Life is what we make of it,and I refuse to be unhappy because I'm trying to hold on to something that I think I am benefiting from. The pros and cons do not add up in my picture, and I'm starting to do something about it!!!
The best of luck to you and me both!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): Decide upon the appropriate level of feelings for the situation, and identify when you are over-stepping the line.
It's alright to have feelings, but if your are very emotional, it can be very exhausting for your surroundings. Ask your doctor about this too, it might be a symptom of hormonal change, or bipolar disorder.
Try to control the intensity of your feelings. Expressing a feeling is fine, but it comes in different levels. Example: you can be sad and express that with words, or sit down and not want to do many things. That is one way of being sad. Another level is crying for days and screaming and possibly even break things.
Im not saying you are over-reacting, but feelings can be expressed in many ways, and being emotional, we tend to put more feelings than others do into situations. Others can become distressed, or mentally tired, of having to deal with this. Try to work out with your husband things that he can do for you to calm you down, or support you.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 If you are emotional then that is a wonderful thing, it is not something to be embarrassed about or PUT down for.
Has your husband told you why he feels this way?
Sounds to me like he has no love left in him and NO ONE should stay in a marriage where there is NO LOVE. That just isn't healthy for anyone.
Makes you wonder if he is getting his love and affection elsewhere and guilt could be the reason for him to not want you anywhere near him.
In my personal opinion, he sounds pretty spineless in truth. If he was truly a man, he wouldn't hold you back and he certainly wouldn't get angry with you because this life you are leading is not actually a LIFE, but purely an EXISTENCE.
You say the REST, in our life is fine! Think you are kidding yourself in that respect.
Do you have children together?
How long have you been married for and how long have you known one another?
We get ONE chance at life and so why lead the rest of your life in misery feeling unloved and unwanted. No one should have to tolerate that, you should like both Emilysanswers and CaringGuy have already said be with someone who wants to be with you and can truly give you what you need, which is LOVE, honesty and respect at the end of the day.
When my long term relationship started to go sour, we didn't communicate and when the proverbial hit the fan, we tried lots of counselling, also couple counselling and it showed us that basically we were kidding ourselves and we had a child together.
When I finally saw that on a day out my now ex shouted at our then (3) year old gorgeous little girl, that was the last straw for me and I decided that I would rather be on my own with our daughter then live in a relationship where both parents weren't happy and argued. What sort of life is that for a child to grow up in.
You HAVE to be true to yourself at the end of the day and you are basically lying to yourself that you can do without all the love and caring in a relationship but it is part of what makes us tick. Even the kisses and cuddles at the end of the day.
Would be interested in more info from you though, I think we all would actually.
BFN
Country Woman
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female
reader, dianamd  +, writes (3 December 2009):
the fault is in your husband ..he is so lucky that he gotta such a caring and pleasing wife ..his ill luck that he is not realising ur worth ...but dear its difficult to survive in such condition where there is no love and care ...my advice is to u better move on if u are independent and search a right person for urself. i know its tough but things wll become better only if u will move on ...u deserve a better man and i hope u ll get too by lords mercy ..be brave and move on
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female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 It is true you would be better off to find someone who was at the same emotional level that you are. You are dependent on him. That way and he has complete control which is exactly how he likes it. You cannot force yourself to stop loving someone but you can learn to love yourself better. If at all possible try to take some of the energy you are putting into these sad emotions he makes you feel and instead turn it around and put positive energy back into your life. What makes you happy? Pretend in your mind that yo are single-what would you do for fun? Then start living that way. You may just find that you are better off without him... Or you may decide that what you do share is enough for you. Either way, it is not healthy to depend on him to make you happy. As hard as that is you need to do that for yourself and try not to think about how he fits in the picture. It is obvious that he doesn't do that for you so why do you that for him? Best of luck, remember you are a creature unlike any other and are as worthy of happiness as everyone else! Whether he cares to believe that or not you need to for yourself!
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male
reader, mnman3487 +, writes (3 December 2009):
 It's not going to be so easy to simply "detach" yourself from him. Fact of the matter is, maybe 16th century marriages could work the way you're describing, but this is the 21st century and we like to marry for love, not title. I would sit down and have a non-emotional (as much as possible) conversation with him. Ask if he truly doesn't love you anymore, or is unwilling to express his love anymore. If the answer is yes and you can't get him to compromise at all, I'm afraid to say that your marriage is doomed and will present a challenge to his mental health, and more importantly yours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): First, you might need to understand that all men want to spend some time by themselves every now and then. Although not all the time. Is he under pressure, is he really tired, or just bored with work?
Second, he might be getting irritated by the lack of free time you are offering him. Make it clear you are bored and need him.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 December 2009):
You can't. The longer you stay in your marriage, the worse you are going to feel. My girlfriend was married to a man who just wasn't there emotionally, and she tried to do what you are trying to do. In the end, she nearly had a breakdown, so had to divorce him. Now she's a lot better.
Be brave and divorce him, so you can find someone who will love you. Please don't lead a miserable existence in a marriage where you're not loved. Find someone who will love you.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 December 2009):
Why stay in the marriage???
If you are saying you want to live as a stranger to him then do it, but why don't you want to be with someone who LOVES you and wants to be with you?
Good Luck!! xx
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