A
male
age
30-35,
*ryin2findabalance
writes:So heres the situation I have been with this amazing beautiful woman for the past three years. Howerver I have an anger problem that has come in the way of our relationship. When i get to angry I just go crazy i punch holes in the walls break things etc. She left me last week over this saying that it scares her to much to see me do this. I talked to her and she says that she still loves me but that she cant be with me until i figure this stuff out she said that she wants to break up for a while when i work on myself and then she wants to get back togther. My question to all of you is do you think that she actually still cares or is this her way of letting me down easy? a female perspective on this would be great have any of you loved a man but told him you cant be with him untill he works somthings out? any advice or help would be appriciated Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2009): Well, I help so too sweetheart, you sound motivated and willing to admit you have a problem, that is an excellent start, but why wait a few months, let's get going on this ASAP, there are places that charge on a sliding scale based on income if you are without insurance...but check with your family doctor a good place to start for a referral to a professional. I hope it works out for you both.
A
male
reader, Tryin2findabalance +, writes (4 December 2009):
Tryin2findabalance is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the help Iam currently seeking anger managmet courses because I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl and it hurts me so much to not be with her. My current plan is to wait a few months and get the help that I need to fix my self and then try and patch things back together I just hope that she still loves me enough to forgive me i hope that she can
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I was engaged to a guy like you years back. I loved him very much and planned on spending the rest of my life with him.
Under normal circumstances he was the sweetest funniest guy ever but when he got angry he would become the Hulk. He would break things, punch walls and throw things.
Let me tell you that it gets old very fast watching a grown man throw a tantrum befitting a three year old.
Everything ended the night when he, in a rage, threw a picture frame at the wall. The glass shattered and bounced everywhere, I was standing closer to the wall and a fist size piece of glass lodged itself just below my knee. Blood everywhere and my fiance was horrified. He apologised and apologised but somehow I actually fell out of love with him in that instance.
We split the next day (I left him), I'm now happily married to a stable loving guy and my ex is still single. We still talk every once in a while but I feel nothing for him these days. He told me once that it was the worst mistake he's ever made.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): I think she meant what she said. We often tell guys what we mean and sometimes guys think we are trying to have two conversations with them when really we're not. She does want to be with you, she just doesn't want to get hurt. Take up boxing or when mad just go for a walk/run/jog/play a physical sport something to take out all the aggression. Once everything is figured out and the anger no longer has major effects im sure she will take you back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): She's scared. You guys are a lot bigger and stronger than us women. Seeing what you can do when in anger makes her terrified of what you can end up doing to her, and a reminder than if you do loose control, there is nothing she can do. Because you will easily hold her down. And because she knows she can't talk you out of it and calm you down.
See it this way: you have a weapon and she doesn't. Use are free to use the weapon as you wish while she is defenceless. Sometimes you go crazy and shoot up the house. Would YOU want to be in her position? Not knowing what will be destroyed the next time around? Completely defenseless?
She said it was scary. She's right, it is scary. And you can not let yourself act this way. Deal with it, and never go there again. When you get that angry, find other ways to release it than punching holes in the wall (that will only harm yourself too as well as add up repair-costs).
Imagine: if you want a future with her, children and all. If you were a child and your father reacted like you do when he got mad, would you feel safe and secure? No.
Take a grip and do something about this. Or else you'll only end up being feared instead of loved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): From a female perspective your anger problem and hitting walls is a form of abuse to her. It is a way of intimidating her by actions. I am so mad at you I want to hit YOU, but I am going to punch this wall just so you know what kind of damage I COULD DO but won't because you are a gurl.
This is a control issue, you are controlling. She is right to break up with you. Often men like you do end up hitting their wives of girlfriends.
You are not ready to be in a serious relationship with any one. You should get right with yourself and try again.
I am sure she broke up with you while still in love, happens a lot to us women, but any woman with a shred of self esteem won't put up with any form of abuse, emotional, psychological (your type) or physical, we WILL leave you.
Any guarantee she will take you back when you are ready? Doubtful, this isn't going to change for you overnight.
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