A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have told my girlfriend that I only slept with 5 people as she has only slept with 4. I did this at the start of the relationship. Last night she asked me again for the names of the people but I could not remember who I had told her as my figure is more like 35. I am scared to tell her this in case she ends out relationship. I tried to test the water and ask her things like “what would you do if I had slept with 30 people?”She replied “well I wouldn’t be going out with you!”. I really really like this girl but I know this conversation is going to come again. How can I tell her without loosing her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): dude just give her 5 names - or just tell her the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): If she asks again just tell her the truth she might take it well!i was seeing this guy for a few months and after a while i asked the same question how many girls have you slept with and he said 50!!!!and hes only 23 and my response was am i 50 or 51!!!i took it well just because i knew he wasent cheating and he was devoted to me he might have been a player back in the day but when they settle down they do it well.Anyway so tell her the truth is she hates it then shes not worth being with!but im sure shel get over it after a while.
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A
female
reader, somebodyoutthere  +, writes (7 August 2009):
I wouldn't tell her. It's your past, she doesn't need to know that. I don't want to know how many girls my bf had sex with, there is no reason to get upset/jealous because it's in the past, BIG DEAL. If you feel bugged by it and feel like it's a dark secret you MUST tell her, then do. To me it doesn't matter how many people you've slept with, as long as you are only sleeping with one (your gf) and have been checked if you have no STD, ect, then let it be.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (7 August 2009):
 Well, the only thing to do here is to be honest and come clean. And if she leaves you, well - she's not the right gal for you. But, with more time this secret will only hit harder and worse. So the sooner you come out with your secret, the better. And now you've learned a valuable lesson - next time you get that question, just be honest in the first place!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (7 August 2009):
 First off, I think she would be more upset with you because you lied in the first place. Not because your number is in its thirties. Another important factor in this is were you loyal to any girlfriends you had in the past. I mean if you had been with thirty-five girls and all of them were girlfriends and women on the side, she won't like that either. If you just went through a spree of sleeping with random women while single however, while that may be a little dirty in some people's mind, at least you were honest. Honesty is key when it comes to these things. I would also get checked for any STD's and perhaps present the results if she asks into it, because that is quite a few partners to have without worrying about the risk. As for how can you tell her without losing her? Whether she leaves you or not is ultimately her decision. And she deserves the right to make that decision. If you really like this girl, you'll be HONEST with her. It'd be stupid of her to leave someone that is just attempting to tell the truth. The fact that she says she'd leave you shows that she might have a problem with the fact, which is even more of a reason to be up front. It's not fair to lie to her for your own benefit at the cost of her comfort. =/ So go for it and fess up! You've got nothing to hide. :)
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (7 August 2009):
 I don't think it needs to be discussed, and I wouldn't test the waters again with 'joke' questions like that - what you think comes across as a hypothetical question will only plant the seeds of doubt in her mind.The experiences you had in the past make you who are today, and she seemed to love that person before she knew the specifics, so I suggest keeping it that way.The fact that you are sure the conversation is going to come again is troubling, I'm guessing she has some inkling you weren't being honest. I doubt she will be happy if you tell her you don't wish to discuss it - it seems like this has already become an issue for you guys. Her requesting the NAMES of those people seems like a bit much. Something tells me there is no right answer with this girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): Would she find out? Why would you tell her? If you cannot live with the reality then you have to tell her and face the consequences. Just say "There is something I need to tell you and it relates to previous partners. I have slept with more women than I have told you and its not something to boast about as now I am in a serious relationship I understand my past can affect the impression I give now." She will ask you how many - so you need to be honest as you won't get another chance. I think we all make mistakes and living a fairly 'colourful' past in terms of the number of women you have slept with is probably something you regret because people judge others on this basis. She will be insecure and you need to be able to tell her where you're at in life and if more settled. Personally I would not want to be with a man who had been with that many women but thats just me - there are women who would. Above all else you need to respect her decision if, on the basis of this news, she no longer wants to be with you.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (7 August 2009):
Are you being serious? You're somewhere between the age of 13-15 and you've slept with 35 people???? I find that really hard to believe, but ok. First of all, in relationships, it's usually best to not discuss the number of partners that you've had. Honestly, what does it matter? As long as you're clean, meaning you don't have STD's and you use protection, and you love this girl it really shouldn't matter. Don't bring the subject up again and if she does just tell her that you're not comfortable talking about your past sexual relationships, you don't want to name them because they are in the past.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2009): Is the age group correct here? Slept with 35 people and you are aged between 13 - 15????????????
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