A
female
age
30-35,
*aybeeT
writes:Im 16 years old and i want a baby!i have previously been pregnant two times and miscarried both, which left me very emotional. i have always wanted to have kids but over the past 6months i have wanted one more and more and it can get emotional for me. I am currently engaged to my 2 year boyfriend and we have discussed a child before and have decided aftr college but that is two years away. i can get really emotional about and just want to have a baby. many people hve tried to turn me off the idea....i've seen birthing videos, spoken to young mums....none of it turns me off the idea. Please help me to gain ideas on how to control my feelings. xxxx
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female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 hi sweetheart, believe me, i do understand what you feel right this moment. and yes its hard to fight against our emotional wishes. i will suggest to you now, to get a little cute puppy or dog to take care. this will help you emotionally. take care of your self always and god bless you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Most teenagers who want children say they are ready. But before they have their own kid, they cannot even be persuaded to try the experience of being a teenage mother. They hear about what it takes, they say they understand what it takes, but they will not TRY IT OUT FOR REAL. They think they can do it for 18 years but they won't try it an extra week beforehand. I suggest that you offer to care for some other teenage mother's baby for a week. That means 24/7 and not just the fun parts. If you have a job/school, then you have to find a babysitter even if it takes your own money to buy one. If he won't stop crying all night, you can sleep in the next day to catch up. See how much you still want a child after ONE WEEK of this.
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A
female
reader, baybeeT +, writes (11 November 2009):
baybeeT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you to all the people who haved responded so far. i do realise how much a baby costs coz i have already sat there and written out a long list of things the baby ill need and added it all up. and i know thts just the beggining. i keep being told that its jus because i have lost my other two babies and because i miss them so much i have the urge to feel that gap, and maybe it is i dont know! tasteofindia thats a really good idea about putting stuff ina box thank you i will try that.
thanks for the advice so far.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): if you want to give your child the best start in life you need to foucse on your studying so when you bring a child to this world you can give he/she what it needs/wants
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Okay, so I'll skip over my cost spiel, because everyone has covered that. But, I will throw in this:
I love babies. And I've always wanted to have oodles... and someday, I will. But, to curb that urge over the last 4 years, I bought a big box - you know, those big plastic bins you can get at any department store (Wal Mart, Target), and every time I was feeling particularly material, I would go out and buy some cute little onesie or pair of shoes or even a bag of diapers, and I'd toss it in the box. Because babies are cute, but their STUFF is even cuter! I also bought a journal and would regularly write little notes to the future child. (E.G. "Dear baby, Today I went to class and everyone was handing in a paper that I had no idea was due. Moral of the story - always read your syllabus.")
Then, my fella bought us a puppy. Adorable, but exhausting. Pees, poops, needs food, doctors appointments, discipline and affection JUST LIKE A REAL BABY! Totally cuddly, you get to name it, love it, and train it to be socially acceptable JUST LIKE A REAL BABY! And you can bet that the puppy took up my time and made me think twice about having a baby so early. Like, I'd be out with my girlfriends, having a good time, partying and then all the sudden I'd be like, "crap, I've got to go home and walk my dog". Which is a real bummer when you're having fun. Suddenly dates and little mini-vacations were harder to do. But, then when you think about how much harder life would be with a baby, you thank the Lord you've only got a dog. At least you can leave it at home alone for 5 hours. At least you can stick it in a kennel for the weekend.
So seriously, in the time that I would have been waist deep in debt, exhausted and 20 pounds heavier, I've gotten two degrees, gotten married and enjoyed quality time with my fella - something I won't get much of when the babies come around. So consider holding off... and taking up babysitting.
I've had a miscarriage too, when I was 20. It was sad, but also a relief and now I'm grateful with my life at 23. I'm happier, healthier and more stable.
Good luck, sweetness!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): The thing that always turns me off from having a baby is the cost. Do you really know how costly just pregnancy is? You should sit down one day and just look up things like babycribs, dressers, carseats, strollers, clothes, food and the average cost for prenatal care like doctor visits, birthing classes, and perscriptions like prenatal vitamins and add it all up. And that's all BEFORE the baby comes and you need the diapers and more clothes and toys and more food.
Babies are an enormous responsibility that drains your time and money. Not that it isnt worth it in the end, but you absolutely have to be financially stable for a baby, and if you're 16, I highly doubt you have those kinds of funds.
If you want to control your urges, maybe you could take up babysitting? Or get a baby-related job? So you can see other peoples babies and get your fill of their cuteness to hold you off untill you're ready.
Some women are just born to be mothers, and it seems like you are, you just have to wait a little bit.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Female biology is strong and the urge to breed is the most basic in our behaviour. In your case it is even worse because the chemicals released leave your body on "care mode." And with nothing to care you become confused, angry, depressed and sometimes lonely.
A way to curb the bodies apitite for a baby is by caring for someone elses. Have you ever considered house sitting and care taking of children? This will likely divert your attention of wanting to become pregnant by bypassing it with a ready child and will be able to focus that pent up mothering desire. Plus you can get a small bit of cash on the side and you get to practice for when you actually have your own. We all make mistakes, but we learn them through trial and error.
Personally this is what I did when I was around 18. I was at my broodiest and my biological clock was screaming at me to get pregnant and have a baby. I got over it after taking care of a few kids nearly full time. It was exhausting.
Goodluck
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 November 2009):
Well you can't control the feeling, but you can look at it realistically. The average child in the UK costs about £150,000 over 18 years, and then there's care after that. You have to have a place to live, you have to be able to afford clothes, food, electric, water bills, heating. Also, you need to have the time, the energy and the commitment. You will never again have a substantial social life, because your commitment will be to that child. No wild holidays, no sudden nights out, none of that. Then there's the education of the child. Are you able to ensure that it goes to a decent school? Are you sure that the guy you're with is the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life, because your child will need a father it can count on. Are you ready to never have sleep again? There is a lot more to raising a child than just wanting a baby, and you need to be ready for it all. You don't want your baby coming into your life if you can't afford it, or give it a dependable home life. My best advice is to make sure your own life is in order first, that you're in good jobs and in a secure relationship, before you do anything. Otherwise you'll have a child and life will suddenly become nothing but a struggle if you're unable to look after it properly.
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