A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, well im in a bit of a dilemma, im 15 and i like this guy who is 18. im not in love or anything and i have seen him a few times, on which occaisions, he fingered me and i tossed him off. He is the first and only guy up to yet who i have done stuff with. i wasnt looking for a relationship, just a 'friend with benefits'. Personally i wouldnt class myself as a slag as i do not go around doing stuff with lots of boys, unlike some of the girls i know. However, he is back from uni soon, and im going to see him again, which i want to, but obviously at uni its known to be pretty glamorous, with parties, sex etc, well thats what people tell me! So i expect he has probably done stuff with other girls, which i dont mind, im just worried that when i see him and give him oral sex, that i may catch something? So how can I bring up the subject of STI's without offending him, and yes i have thought about contraception, but apparently the boy doesnt get as much pleasure from it. My friend also told me to not swallow, then i wouldnt be at risk! i dont know how to approach this subject??! HELP!!! Be honest please, i dont mind! Thanks! :)
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female
reader, babymonkey422  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 No even if he says he's clean I wouldn't just assume he is because like I said before there are many out there that have no symptoms so he might honestly think he's clean but actually have something. So yes a flavored condom seems like your best bet :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey again, thanks for the advice everyone, very much appreciated. Sorry just to make this clear, im talking about oral sex, im not going to sleep with him, i definately want to wait until im in a proper relationship for that.
@Auntie E, maybe it does classify me as a slag then, and no im not looking for love at the moment, im 15, i want to focus on my school work for now, im just experimenting with 1 guy who is back from uni every holiday, and about contraception, i was thinking about using a condom, maybe flavoured or something, i dont know.
Also @Danielepew, no i do not feel i have to have oral sex with this guy, he hasnt pressured me or anything, he doesnt care what we do.
However, i have got another thing to ask, if i bring up the subject of STI's and he says his clear, shall i just forget the condom. I totally dont know what to do, suppose it is better safe than sorry.
Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Dear, if you don't protect yourself, no one will protect you. And I take it you don't want a disease. STI's are a hard reality and, in case you didn't notice, you're not immune to them, and neither is he. Yes, you might catch many things from oral sex. I don't see why he should get offended if you were to discuss the subject. The man sleeps around and you have every right to discuss this.
I can't tell you what to do, but, do you really think you have to have sex with this guy?
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A
female
reader, GoGreen126 +, writes (10 March 2010):
I'm not going to lecture you, though I do want to... You seem fairly responsible and decided. =/
My advice would be to use your age and inexperience as a tool. Tell him your confused or scared and have him "teach" you what to do--it's sexy, and while you're playing that little game just come right out and ask. If you don't get a straight answer, drop the game and be serious. This is your body at stake; his pleasure matters less.
Good luck. Message with questions
--GG
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Why would you want to be "friends with benefits" as this sort of behavior will surly classify you as a "slag" as you say. Look this guy wants to get in your pants with no relationship or love - is that what you really want? You are willing to be intimate with this guy but not able to ask him something as simple as his STI status? Why? Ok and another thing - you "have thought about contraception." What are you thinking? As I said this guy wants to get in your pants and doesn't even have to take you to dinner and you are worried about him not getting pleasure! Why? What is your thought process? Your friend's advice about now swallowing is way off base! Just plain wrong. Please get back to me with answers to my questions. You are in serious danger of getting very hurt, a sexually transmitted disease, dumped very rapidly and just all over damaged from this. He is not even your boyfriend!
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A
male
reader, KernowWarrior  +, writes (10 March 2010):
I personally wouldn't bring up the subject of STI's with him, if your going to have sex just hand him a condom. If he has any respect for you he will just put it on and get on with it, without hesitation. You could even put it on for him, practice on a Banana (or if your really lucky a cucumber. lol) If he refuses to put it on, walk out. The majority of STI's are transmitted through body fluids although some, such as warts and herpies can be transmitted by touching the infected area. I usually work by the rule - Anyone who is willing to have un-protected sex, is definately someone you don't want to have sex with!
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A
female
reader, babymonkey422 +, writes (9 March 2010):
The best advice I can give you is to be honest with him... just tell him that you want to do things but am worried about getting something especially bc there's a lot of things out there that have no symptoms so he wouldn't know if he had it unless he got checked. So your options are to be honest with the chance he get offended and immature and leave or use a condom... those are really your only options hun :/ If he's not an immature prick then he should understand and appreciate your concerns :) If not then he's not worth waking up and having some warts on your mouth :/
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