A
female
age
,
*ewlyLonely
writes:My guy has no time for me!I'm wondering what I should do. He genuinely has just become very busy and we have dated for 7 months. He first said he loves me a few months ago and we say it during all our conversations or when we are together. We have talked about marriage/living together and the future of combining our families. He just recently got very busy building his new house....which he has plans for rooms added now for my kids. He also works a very busy job AND has his own two children at home that he is raising alone. His parents help also but he has his own residence.So recently (past 4 weeks), he was surprised how tired he is since he is acting as his own contractor and he has cancelled some arranged dates with me. I guess I'm being unreasonable (am I?) by not agreeing to go over to his house after my 11pm shift and spend the night with him. I don't want most (or all) of our together time to be after midnight and involving sex! I have met his parents, his Mom loves me, he says he doesn't understand why I don't believe that I am a part of why he is building this house and that we have a future together. I guess I just don't believe words? I mean, he's trustworthy, but how many times in the past have I believed words alone? He says that we have alot of issues to discuss regarding blending our families (my two children, his two children) before we make it actual. Why aren't we engaged though? I haven't asked...I don't wanna push. I just feel neglected and wonder if I'm being stupid to believe what he says and wait on him to stop being so busy. He has just started this building process and it will last at least 6 months....probably 9. I feel so hurt. I guess that is stupid? WHY can't he make SOME time for me?? WHY isn't he thinking engagement? He said that it makes more sense to go ahead with his building plans rather than find a house big enough for 4 teenagers and us to rent. Do I believe him and that I am in his future?
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female
reader, NewlyLonely +, writes (10 March 2010):
NewlyLonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing he said the other night while I'm agonizing over not enough time with him and wondering if we will make it through this, he said, "Just like YOU want stability in this relationship with ME, I want stability also by seeing that something like this isn't going to derail us before we get married." So I guess you two are both right....at least according to his words. And Aunty Em says that I also should be judging him from his actions, right? I really do like him. He's not one of those dazzling charismatic swooning types, lol. He is a down to earth, logical, hardworking guy who has his values and priorities in order. I can't say enough good things about him. He is totally not the typical single guy...focused on sex and spinning from all the responsibilities required of a single Dad. He is awesome. He's worth putting the time in and seeing if he means what he says. Thanks to both of you!
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I think you've got it made and Rabbit is exactly right. He is showing you he loves you by building rooms for you and your kids into his life. You need to work with him and if that means you only get your cuddles after midnight then so-be-it for a while. Men need to be apreciated for their efforts, it's how their brain computes love. If you critisize him and sulk, he will think all his efforts are in vain and may end the relationship.
How much do you love and apreciate him?
He might not be showering you with time and affection right now but I'd say he was doing his best to ensure the two of you have a happy stable life. Lord knows its hard to combine two lives and kids from previous relationships but he is trying and it's a darn sight more than most men would do.
Start believing words and start apreciating actions...he's doing it just for you and that means something.
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A
female
reader, NewlyLonely +, writes (10 March 2010):
NewlyLonely is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk. I guess maybe I need to learn some patience. I guess maybe I AM judging him based upon my own past experiences and not him. I told him last night that I guess I will believe him about me being a part of his future and he said, "Why wouldn't you believe me?" And he also said, "I don't want to lose you." I guess that since so many things about him are exceptional...I am going to put some more time into this to see where it goes. I'm not gonna pressure him for more time. Does that sound good? He DID buy me a dozen red roses and a big box of Godiva chocolates for Valentine's day! :)
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