A
female
age
36-40,
*oungNconfused
writes:OKK, please dont label me as a homewrecker or a slut.. I recently got out of the army and i met this guy on myspace, i know pathetic, but he seemed really nice. In fact, he is better than nice, i think hes perfect(besides the whole cheating thing) So we hung out and i knew my time with him was limited because hes going to fort know to do the ds thing and will be leaving in about 1 week now. So we hung out and things got out of hand after awhile. He would come over every day during lunch and we'd hook up, he'd come over after work and we'd hook up. It's a very sexual relationship. Well he would stop answering my phone calls after a certain time and would call me at erratic hours of the night but i didnt think anything of it, you know hes leaving and packing trying to get ready to leave. i tried to be understanding. well as luck would have it his wife calls me. surprise. shes crying im crying, shes telling me its not my fault, yadda yadda terrible night. he had told me he was divorced and had one kid. well hes married has three and still lives with her lol.now the thing is, im still with him even with this knowledge. he wants to leave her but he doesnt want someone else to raise his kids. what should i do? i love him and im trying to do all this stuff to show him how much i care and want to be with him. god someone help so confused!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): The guy is stalking you, if you told him to leave you alone....call the police if it continues, I am serious, this guy could be dangerous, he sounds like a nut.
A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 It is hard, but keep your chin up
xxxxx
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A
female
reader, youngNconfused +, writes (14 June 2007):
youngNconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the question yes thank you everyone, i realize i cant keep pretending that hes not married. i know that by continuing what im doing im just as bad as him so i broke it off completely. its hard cause he comes over and calls so i have to pretend to not be home and not answer the phone, its hard not to give in..........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2007): Okay. You know, no good can possibly come out of a situation such as this. That's for starters.
Second, no it was not necessarily your fault that he neglected to tell you he is married, BUT he LIED to you. He is CHEATING on his wife - and you can see, understandably I hope, how upset she is. She has their children to care for while he is away.
You should have dropped him like a hot potato the instant you discovered what was going on. No question. You didn't, so you need to tell him goodby NOW. As I said, this is a bad situation and cannot possibly have a good outcome.
You think he's "nice"? better than nice, he's "perfect" - oh yes, besides the "cheating thing." Minor detail, right? This man is irresponsible, wants to get his rocks off, doesn't care who gets hurt - his wife, his kids -in the process. He's a cheat and a liar.
For heaven's sake, wake up and see this for what it is! Something you are far better off ending immediately - oh, and if you want to do the right thing, you might let his wife know you have shown him the door!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): He is so not worth all the hassle hunny, he is a LIAR and a CHEAT and he lied about being divorced and only having one kid just to get his leg over, how many other women have fallen in his trap. I feel sorry for his poor wife and children, she is at home cooking the meals, doing the housework and putting the kids to bed and he is out bedding you and telling you all sorts of rubbish. He really is such a loser who disrespects his wife and who doesnt care about ruining his children's childhood. Married men NEVER leave their wives- trust me, he is only saying that rubbish to you to keep you as his side dish, im sorry to sound so harsh lovey but you really need to leave him and find someone who does at least respects you enough to tell you the truth.This man his laughing, he has the cushy family life and getting regular nookie off you, please do yourself a big favour and leave this idiot.
good luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): There is a saying in the South," don't go all stupid on him". Stop being a doormat to this guy, he is wiping his feet on you metaphorically, so you are getting laid, big deal, move on this guy is a loser and he won't stop even when his wife is in tears and calling you, don't get mixed up with this pathetic excuse for a man....like someone said he is a waste of time and space and he is a sexual predator on MySpace presenting himself as one thing to get laid by some strange.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 A MAN WHO SAID HE'S ONLY GOT 1 KID WHEN HE HAS THREE?! A MAN WHO LIED TO YOU? A MAN WHO CHEATED ON HIS WIFE?! You think this guy is WORTH IT?! Where do his priorities lie?
You want to be with this guy? he'll do EXACTLY what he did to his CURRENT WIFE but worse.
Leave him. He's a waste of time and space.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 You're bad and he's worse. The good thing is you can change your status because you entered this in an innocent way. Now that you know the truth, if you continue, you're as rotten as he is. Instead of using the truth to twist this mess into a bigger knot, do the right thing and use it to get away from this mess.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 June 2007):
 If you don't want to be labeled a homewrecker or slut then stop acting the part. Stop this nonsense immediately. It's a dead end with pain along the way.
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A
female
reader, Spl-ash +, writes (13 June 2007):
 hey,
are you sure you 'love' him?
sex isn't everything it's part of a relationship not all of it.
He already lied to you about him and from what i know of men he probably is lying about wanting to leave his wife. to be fair he's got both of you... why would anyman in his right mind give that up?
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Break if off right away. He is a liar and cheater. He lied to you repeatedly, so you cant trust a word he says. He has lied to and cheated on his wife and children. He most likely wont leave her and if he does, he will only proceed to cheat on you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): oh god! yeah i feel for you!
hun...i know that you love him and i know that it's hard to break up with somone you love, but women are so blind at the way they're beeing treated because they're so rapped up in the things their lover has been saying to them and have been rapped up in their own beautiful, wonderful world!
when my sister was cheated on, boy did it take a while for her to realise that..THEY'RE JUST NOT WORTH IT! many ppl have told me the saying..."there are many fishies in the sea." And although you're probably thinking, 'Oh yeah right not that many because i can't find one!'
It is true and all though it may take some time...you need to ask yourself, Are u just afraid to leave him because you think that you will never find someone?
Do you really think that if you loose this guy, there may not be another person out there who will be willing to give everything they have up for you? All though this guy is willing to be with you, he's leaving a family behind all for the wrong reasons!
There are a million of men out there...and only a number of them are decent but, i can guarantee you that there is someone for you..and although he may not be able to provide the necessities you may need, he will love you and treat you far more loyal!
You need to shake yourself and not put yourself down! It is not your fault...or anyone elses but his! so...if you are thinking of staying with him, then be prepared for a whole lot of shit!...the divorce, the children, his family, your family etc. BUT...if you are thinking of leaving! It will take some time to recover...and you'll need to look into the mirror every morning and say, "I'M SIMPLY THE BEST!" because you are! and you don't need any male by your side to keep you stable!...when the time comes, you'll know when someone special has arrived!
best wishes! :) xx
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (13 June 2007):
He cant have the best of both worlds. It's not fair on you, the wife or the kids. The fact he lied about being divorced and the amount of kids he has shows I think that he has no interest in leaving her. Also if the wife hasn't chucked him out and knows about you two then they are obviously still together aswell.
I wouldn't call you a hamewrecker or a slut, as maybe this guy has done it before. I couldn't say for sure but he seems to like having the lovely family life, plus something exciting on the outside.
You can't sit around and wait until his kids are old enough that they don't need bringing up anymore. It isn't fair. Tell him he leaves her or its over between you.
Good Luck
xxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, dollparts +, writes (13 June 2007):
 leave him!!! if he did this to some one who married and had 3 children with he'll eventually do it to you I hate to break it to you
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