A
male
age
41-50,
*onaldo
writes:Hi. I wrote a few weeks ago about a workmate who I'd been seeing for a couple of weeks. She has a child and had a turbulent, sometimes abusive time with her ex. I've been apprehensive about moving things forward too quickly as I wanted her to be sure that she was ready to move on, plus I knew that if I got in too deep emotionally and things went wrong, it would be hard to remain in my current job.Well, six weeks after she initiated the whole situation and I let myself think that she really wanted me, I decided to write her a letter as I knew she wasn't going to say anything. I didn't want to openly embarass her and she really appreciated that. I just needed to know where I stood but now I feel like, by not rushing her, I've missed my opportunity as she's decided to keep seeing her ex for the sake of the kid, even though she's turned down his marriage proposal and they don't live together.I wanted the truth, but now I don't know how to interpret what she wrote back to me. Is she just being nice or is there something deeper to it? To use her words, she says I'm the most amazing guy that she's ever met and that her decision which she's agonised over is the worst thing she's ever had to do. She feels like she's given up something that she KNOWS would be amazing for something that will probably hurt her in the long run, but she feels she has to try for the sake of the kid. She also says I've given her back her self worth, yet shouldn't this have been the ex's role? Will she really spend the rest of her life wondering how things would have been with me as she says? I'm so confused. Why say all these things if you don't mean them, deep down. I can't just accept this is what she really wants yet I don't want to come across as a stalker and desperate but I need to ask her. What should I do?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 I think you may want to consider dating women that have LESS problems than you do, not more. She WAS with you. She left you once, she WILL leave you again. It is NOT about how you feel about her. It is about the way she treats you. Do not get draged back into her drama filled life again. It is not your job to save her from a situation that she does not want to be saved from. She THRIVES of the drama of her ex.
-FBK
A
male
reader, Ronaldo +, writes (13 June 2007):
Ronaldo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Mandy7. Everything you said makes sense. I managed to exchange a few texts with her today and everything seems ok, although she did feel bad that things may never be the same again between us. I want her in my life though, even if it's as a friend because she will need me one day. I have to be patient but be there I know. I don't really know what I'm doing but it feels right. I'm not on a crusade to save her but if something is meant to be then I believe it will happen one day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Hi love
she probably did mean what she said to you in that letter, its so hard when there are children involved, she wrote those words from the heart she i would imagine did agonise over your letter. As a mother you just want to do the right thing for your child i had the same problem when i wanted to leave my husband (the first one!!) I felt a terrible guilt as i would be taking the children with me and put it off for two years, he was abusive to me but not to the children i was young and as time went on i realised he was hurting the children by hurting me, in the end i did leave but it took me awhile to understand i had nothing to feel guilt over, he was the bully not i.. She will in time maybe understand this to and love i think thats what she means by giving up something. YOU!!! i cant tell you its going to all work out hun these things take time, a thousand things will be going through her head and you did give her back her self worth, living with an abusive partner knocks it right out of you, you have made her believe in herself again. I wish you all the best be friends with her if you can i no its hard and your probably thinking (oh shutup i cant do that) i do understand. I wish you lots of luck take care xxxx
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