A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this really nice guy for the past 4 months. His "niceness" is starting to bother me, in that I find him to be not as masculine as I'd like him to be. He is the type who always has a smile on his face, who is always polite, helpful, and generous. For some reason though, the nicer he is the more turned off I become. I feel that he won't be able to protect me because he isn't intimidating on the outside. Am I just being completely ridiculous? He genuinely cares about me and is a very sincere person. I keep comparing him to my ex boyfriend of two years, who was very manly but was a little overbearing at times. Does any other woman share my feelings towards a genuinely nice man?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): Female reader anonymous - I'm available :P lol
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Can I have his number please? I have been looking for a good guy and you don't want him , so leave him be and give him to me.LOL
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female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I like nice men and I can't stand dominating men. I hear about women that go after "bad boys" or someone intimidating and I never understood it. They are the ones that will treat you like shit more than likely. But if your type is more dominant then go for it, you can't settle for someone that turns you off. Perhaps he is a pushover and THAT'S what turns you off, if that's the case then there are many women like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): I have to disagree with TrancedRhythmEar.
Its not that his 'Nice guy' ways are making him look like an arse, or a mummy's boy, or that he's using his 'Nice guy qualities' the wrong way. He is who he is basically, he can't change that nor help who he is, but I guess he's just not your perfect cup of tea. Just as I'm sure there's women out there who wouldn't touch what they call "Bad boys" with a barge pole, because "Bad boys" treat everyone like crap and don't care who they hurt in life to get what they want, and they just use people.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Hes a wuss n his niceness is comin across as an ass kissing mamas boy. Its in ur psychology to find something different. While he showcases good qualities he isnt using them correctly to maintain attraction with u. Boot him out please.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Let him go.... Let him find a girl who is right for him and and who he is right for.
You ain't it.
Some people are a good fit some aren't....
Dump him find someone who fits you better.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 My boyfriend is genuinely nice, but that doesn't mean I think he's "less" of a man. He's in school to be a military officer, among other things that I guess you would call "manly". He's not taller than me, he is thin, so not a huge guy. He is also "too nice" with friends sometimes, and with me too (letting me get away with things), but I respect him. I guess that is the difference between your relationship and mine, I respect him for who he is. I don't see him as less of a man just because he is nice, because he's got tons of masculinity about him.
Although, I had a boyfriend once who was taller than my current man, heavier, bigger muscles etc. He was also a "nice guy", but a complete pushover. I found out I didn't respect him at the end of the day, because he never stood up for himself.
So to me it isn't about how nice a man is, it's about whether you respect him or not. You don't sound like your respect your man, you sound like you think he's a pushover. In that case, he's not the one for you. "Niceness" has nothing to do with it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Wow guys can’t win for trying can they? Bad boys take a hit for being bad, and nice guys take a hit for being “too nice”
He’s just not your type as others have said.
You ask: “Am I just being completely ridiculous?”
YES you are being completely ridiculous. The truth is that this guy is just not a good fit for you and you need to end it with him so he can find a nice lady that appreciates what wonderful qualities he has.
The issue is that this guy is nice but he doesn’t light your fire. IT’s just not a good fit. I feel SAFER btw with my current husband who is around 155 pounds and 5’7” than I did with my ex who was 6’4” and over 250 who yes was a former pro wrestler. BTW the bigger they are the more of a wuss most of them are…. At least that’s what I have found.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Something important to remember, its the feeling of reassurance that your man could protect you if needs be, hence you feel incapable of protecting yourself. A guy who could be aggressive enough to protect his girlfriend, means he's a guy who also has the potential to be aggressive TOWARDS his girlfriend too if pushed too far. If the latter was ever to occur, you would also be incapable of protecting yourself FROM him if he ever turned on you.
The safer bet would be the laid back non aggressively natured guy. Ok, he won't be as ready to stand up and fight for you, but you also wouldn't have to worry about him ever turning violent towards you either. Take self defense classes to enable you to protect yourself if you ever needed to, and opt for the nicer guy.
My opinion anyway. Better to be safe than sorry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): You're only ridiculous in terms of being able to protect you OP, the most viciously protective people I've met were the very nice guys when you push them too far. Besides you can protect a woman with your mind and through intelligence too and that way are far less likely to get into serious trouble for using violence to solve an issue.
OP this guy is simply not the guy for you. There's nothing wrong with how you feel, the guy just doesn't have an edge, he's not exciting in the way you like guys or maybe he is but he just hides it too well.
OP he's simply not your type, nothing wrong with that but it is time you let him go. Just know OP, this is possibly the kind of guy you look back on and see that he did in fact have all those things but you only see them after he's gone. For now though you need to go find a guy who's more your type. I don't think it's this guy's niceness you don't like but his submissive nature. A guy can be both masculine, dominant and nice, they're not mutually exclusive things. A meek, mild-mannered guy is just not for you.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Why do you need your bf to be physically intimidating ?? Do you live in a very bad neighborhood ? ...
Look, if you don't like the nice guy, you just don't like him, and you can't force yourself.
But , if in the choice of your partner, you put on top of the non-negotiable, must-have list " intimidating on the outside ", I am afraid your selection may be restricted to bouncers, pro wrestlers and gangsta rappers.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): I'm sorry, OP, but I don't agree with you. Nice guys are the best. Like you said, the nice guy genuinely cares for you. What's wrong with that? To me, the more a guy cares about you, the more he IS likely to stick up for you and protect you. What exactly do you need protection from, anyway? Is someone currently bothering you?
I'm sorry if I sound mean, but this is a case of something I simply don't understand. You are also far from the first woman I've heard say this, too. Now I know why there are so nice guys left. The ones who WERE nice gave up on it, because they realized that a lot of women chase jerks instead.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Let him go. There will be enough females out there waiting for him. As for yourself you will reap what you sow.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 October 2012):
 You equate politeness as weakness.You equate niceness as femininity.Holding onto antiquated gender roles isn't going to get you anywhere in a relationship. It's time to let go of outdated standards of what a "real man" is and appreciate him for who he is, not some ridiculous standard of "real masculinity".Intimidating people do that due to fear of being hurt. Pre-emptive aggression is a shield for intense vulnerability. Those are not truly masculine traits, those are defense mechanisms of the weak-willed and cowardly.Your boyfriend is strong enough and comfortable enough with himself to be kind. To let down his guard and smile. Because he KNOWS in his heart that he's a good man. A REAL MAN. That's a good thing, not something you should look down on.I really hope that you start opening your eyes to how the world really works. Feminists fought to get women equal rights to men, to be treated equally as human beings. Holding him to obsolete masculinity standards would be as ridiculous as him complaining that you can vote and you're not barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.
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female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Protection is importantfind a body guard like Whitney Houston. If you like tough you want really like Mr nice guy get guy you desire and feel comfortable with.
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male
reader, human_male  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 Sounds like you want the best of both worlds, which might be asking too much. It's having your cake and eating it. But if he turns you off then he turns you off. You should end it with him so he can find a woman who appreciates him. Then you can go find another jerk.
I'm so some other woman will snap him up so don't worry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Maybe when I was in my teens I preferred the 'bad guy' types, but I'm in my late 20's now and I would love such a kind, caring guy. Those guys are rare. For some reason you dislike his kindness, I think this is a reflection of your own self esteem, deep down you feel you don't deserve to be treated so nice. We all go through the bad guy phase in our teen because we have low self esteem, but you are in your late 20's. I think YOU need to question why him being nice is such a turn off, because the fip side is that you want a guy who is a bit mean because that = masculinity. That's not masculinity that's lack of respect and not the recipe for a happy healthy relationship. Let this guy go until you figure out your own issues.
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male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (9 October 2012):
I consider myself nice but not phony nice. Seems to me you are describing phony nice. Men and women are turned off to that sort of thing.
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