A
male
age
41-50,
*emiguy
writes:I've been with my GF for almost 3 years. When I first met her she was always online chatting and I know she has done a lot of stuff she regrets while she was chatting.. She had promissed me to stop that because I said I would leave her and her 2 kids if she continued. To my knowledge she stopped! Today I found a picture of a motorcycle on her phone and its not my bike so I questioned her who's bike it was??? I finally got it out of her that its some dudes that she talked to online!! So I freaked out because I thought she stopped chatting. She says it was an accednt she only was checking her old email account and that it automatically signs in for the chat(yahoo) and that he just happened to messege her and she replied! Now my mind is spinning and don't know what to think? We have a great relationship as far as I think, so now what? I asked her why would she even respond she said just felt like talking to someone! WTF!!! I'm someone!! What would make her want to talk to a guy she don't really know that probably has seen her online??Any thoughts would be great Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): The sooner you get the woman out of your life, the sooner you will be stable again. You are now in a situation with a woman you cannot and should not trust or ever believe again. She has thrown away your trust and does not have a lot going for her as far as a one to one relationship goes. You could do far far better than this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): I'm assuming by past online activities was she flashed guys she met over the internet? I'm a girl and grew up with online gaming(mostly coz I never had people to talk to lol) since I was a teen.I'm now 24. I never flashed anyone so I never had this issue, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubt in this. Weird as it may sound some of the people I met in the online game since I was a teen are still my online friends today! Even longer than some rls I've known. So we normally keep in touch once in a while and they send photos of their car, houses because its like their new purchase, or do I think its a good house to buy since he recently proposed to his gf etc. My current bf whom I've been going out with for 7 months now is someone I met on the game as well, and he knows I've met an ex through gaming 6 years ago, we never had an issue about me talking to other people on the net because its like when we get together and chat over dinner I tell him their stories like its someone we know irl too? I suggest trying to talk to her, know the person's history from what he tells her, ask her the context of this photo etc... Unless its a ^^^k picture or like sexting, I wouldn't get worried. Some chats on the net are playflirts that doesn't really mean anything like typing 'hey handsome! How's it going today?' To me its no different telling your coworker "wow did you get a haircut henry? You really look neat and clean today!"
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2012): Are you telling me that you could still trust that woman? Your future is not saying much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2012): If you had just caught her doing this and she had not done it before, then yes you may say give her one chance. The fact that this was happening three years ago and you have made this discovery now, well, it paints a far different picture does`nt it? It is likely that she never stopped doing it. Even if she had stopped and just started again now, it`s enough to tell you that her love for cyber relationships, deceit and cam sex etc is not going to go away. If you do not get out of this relationship now, then you are going to end up paranoid and before you know it, she will be playing the victim in all this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): Come on man, grow some balls. She is making a joke out of you and using you for the security of a real relationship. So you tell her again that if she goes with guys online that you will dump her, and what will that do? It will do nothing because keeping to your word is about as good as she is at keeping hers, and your threat wont be followed through. She knows you are a soft touch.
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female
reader, bama_mobile  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 I have a tendency to try to route out old history on this forum to gain insight. So about you and your present girlfriend. You have in the past posted about knowing your girlfriend did webcam shows for guys. Now you are back again after finding out she`s been back online. Overall, there is absolutely nothing positive, so be real. If anything it looks like she`s addicted to the thrill of it (if there is such an addiction). If you are not into who she is and what she does, then what other advice can anyone give, except leave her to her internet chat/ webcam etc. and find someone else who has more respect for you/herself/her children. I am not saying she is a bad person or a bad mother, but she is not a good partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2012): OP no one can tell you to leave her that decision is yours alone and it all depends on whether you think you'll be able to move past this.OP this is a massive breach in your trust. OP she had a picture of his motorbike on her phone, she may aswell have had a picture of his penis Think I'm overeating? Ask a biker how important his bike is to him. It certainly makes her accidental lie all the worse doesn't it? She accidentally talked to him for so long they got to the stage of him trying to impress her by sending her pictures of his bike?OP maybe this could have been explained away truthfully and openly, but why the subterfuge and the worst lie ever known to man? Seriously have you ever such a ridiculous excuse? One of the kids could probably lie better than that.She broke your trust in a huge way, what you do from here is your choice. But don't mistake the gravity of the situation as being minor. How far have things really gone with this guy and how often have they spoken? She's been lying to you, she lied to cover her first lie and what's worse is she did all this behind your back in the first place. I mean you have a bike, if this was innocent wouldn't she have shown you the picture so you could admire it too?"I know she has done a lot of stuff she regrets while she was chatting."And she still does, doesn't she? This leopard hasn't changed its spots."She had promissed me to stop that because I said I would leave her and her 2 kids if she continued."Well she broke that promise, knew very well the consequences for breaking the promise and still went ahead and did it anyway. Are you going to live up to your promise that you're going to leave because she continued?Quick question OP, if it was just an online chat why has she a picture of his bike on her phone? I mean perhaps he sent in chat on that, but maybe he has her number. Something to think about.If I were you the decision would be easy, actually following through would be a painful bitch but the decision is clear.
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male
reader, Justin sexalot  +, writes (10 October 2012):
 She's probably hiding something from you! Cheating, affair! Something like that. Sorry to say! :'(
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 It is up to you whether or not it is forgiveable. I never said to leave her, I only gave her reasons for why she did what she did. Personally I don't consider it cheating, but the lying is what bothers me. You said you had to finally get it out of her about the motorcycle picture. It makes me curious what else she has gotten away with because you didn't find it or ask enough questions... There's nothing positive to say for this situation because there's nothing positive about it. You can give her the benefit of the doubt, have her delete her yahoo messenger or block the people you don't know on it. You will probably question things she does from now on but trust may be gained back. The thing is she won't change her ways, she did this 3 years ago and did it again. It will happen again. It's all up to you if you can deal with that.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (9 October 2012):
 You met her three years ago and she was always online chatting and did stuff she regrets? Anyhow three years on you find out she`s been chatting again. I get the feeling that maybe she never stopped and maybe this is just the first time you have caught her? Anyhow, it`s been three years down the line and the online chat problem is still there. That alone should tell you just exactly what you are up against.
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male
reader, hemiguy +, writes (9 October 2012):
hemiguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thanks everyone most appreciated. Out of all the comments there's not 1 possitive, is there no benefit of a doubt? Just leave my family? With no proof of cheating? What if it was just her first time and is how she says? I have no reason to not trust her as she has been truthful to me for our entire relationship ( to my knowledge). Do I condem my relationship over 1 time??
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (9 October 2012):
I will answer why she wants to talk to a stranger online- attention. She wants outside male attention. She lied in that it was an accident. He may very well have messaged her first but you don't accidentally talk to someone. Nor do you accidentally save a picture of his motorcycle to your phone... You set your relationship rules and she broke them and talked to someone behind your back, then lied until you dragged the truth out. She will likely always need outside attention because you don't give her enough compliments/drama/excitement/newness- fill in the blank. It isn't you, it's her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): You have taken on a woman with 2 children. That`s nice of you because some guys don`t want another mans children. Well what does she do? She goes online chatting to a guy knowing full well what damage it could cause, knowing she is putting your relationship at risk, knowing it will hurt your feelings, knowing she is breaking the rules. She is full of it and she does not deserve you. Dump her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): She is full of sh*t. Dump her otherwise you will lose your sense of self worth. It`s not you, it`s her.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (9 October 2012):
She is making a fool of you. If you don`t walk then you will have to accept what and who she is.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): She made her choice and broke one of the deal-breaking rules of your relationship. That would be it for me, not only was she chatting with this dude "accidentally" which is hilarious by the way, it's totally one of those "I just met this girl and I fell over and on top of her and while I was falling both of our underpants fell off and my penis landed inside her vagina mid-air, as I was pulling it out I fell inside her again and this kept happening, I'm such a klutz, I really didn't mean for it to happen."
Except with you she even has a picture of his penis compensator on her phone. So this wasn't just an accidental chat, not that those even exist, not that there is even the slightest chance this dude was there waiting and suddenly started a convo our of nowhere.
She's full of shit, she broke your rule and then she lied using the most hilarious, Adam Sandler movie type of ridiculous excuse ever to cover it up.
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female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (9 October 2012):
 I have been through very similar. I would not bother looking for answers, as it just becomes more confusing. Let her live her life how she is choosing. I am sure you will find someone more caring and grateful than she is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): the woman is living in her own world online. you want to live in the real world with her. you both have nothing in common with each other.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): You are with a woman who has 2 kids. She chats to guys online and knows it may cause upset. Well, I kinda think her actions alone should be enough to tell you just how highly she values your relationship. I wouldnt walk out if I was in your situation. I would run as fast as I could. You don't need that type of woman in your life. Get a normal one instead.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): I think in your situation I would leave. She knew you wouldnt be happy, but she still did it. I would spare yourself the frustration of looking for answers. You will just be left even more confused. She is addicted. Leave her to it.
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