A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi... I've been with my boyfriend for a while now. He tells me he has never cheated on any of his ex's, and I believe him. Recently I've been on holiday for 3 weeks, when I got back he told me he'd really missed me and been so bored while I was away. The same day he left his fone at my house, and I read some on his texts over the last few weeks. (I know it was wrong but it was sooo tempting). There where 3 texts on his phone from a some girl. Sayin 'Am I still coming to your house today.. love you', and others from a few days before saying 'can you meet me at the end of your road this time I'll get lost'. I'm friends with his family they have even invited me on holiday with them. He didn't reply to the texts, but I really don't know what to do.Does anyone have any good advice??
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cheated on me, his ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (8 September 2007):
 All signs point to cheating. You should definitely confront him about this. Don't feel guilty for going through his texts; many gf's/bf's do that and I'm sure he'd do the same if you left your phone at his house.
If he did cheat, I say leave him.
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (7 September 2007):
Hmmm it does sound suss to me. However you said he didnt reply. How do you know this? Did you check his 'sent' or 'outbox' folder? And there was no messages to her? He may of deleted them or he may not record them at all in his phone...However you would think if he went to the trouble of deleting what he sent to her, that he would delete the onees she sent too.
If he was up to no good, he would of been panicing so badly once he realised he left his phone at your place. How did he end up geting his phone back? How did he seem? This could clue you into whether or not you have something to be suss about.
I doubt she is a relative because if she was then why would she be geting lost? You would think you would know the way to a relatives house. And if it was an ex who woudlnt give up on contacting him like someone else suggested, I doubt that too, because it sounds like they already had plans to meet at his place, hence her text 'am i still coming over your place'- they had made plans to catch up and shes just checking that its still ok on the day.
Was there a name programmed into the number? If so perhaps subtly question him about that person, without mentioning u went through his phone. If there was no name programmed in well then you cant do that obviously...
I would then suggest go with what your gut says. Often your gut sees the truth, while your heart denies the truth if its going to hurt. If your gut feeling is that hes up to no good then either confront him (in hope that he will have some reasonable explanation) or just dump him.
If you do confront him and he has been cheating or something, then he will most likely get REALLY defensive. So pay alot of attention to his body language, tone of voice etc...
By the way, don't feel bad about going through his phone. As a mature couple you both should be 100% open, that means letting each other use and go through there phones. If you have nothing to hide, then you shodulhnt wory. Even pro counsellors/psychologists say that they let their wives/husbands go through their phoens because they have nothing to hide! Its as simple as that really.
Hope this has helped :) feel free to PM me
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (7 September 2007):
a) You shouldn't have gone through his texts.
b) He never texted back. It could be an ex that cannot let go that he is avoiding.
c) Do you know who this girl is? Could she be a relative? Does it have a name programmed in or is it just a number? If it is just a number with no name programmed in, it could be a wrong number. I used to get tons of them. In fact, my mother gets tons of spam from emails going into her text messages.
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (6 September 2007):
Have you any idea who the girl who sent the texts is ? - perhaps a daft suggestion but she couldn't be a relative ?. You also mention that your boyfriend has told you he's never cheated on his ex's - have you previously expressed concern that he might be cheating on you ?. A long shot but if he's hasn't replied to the texts do you think there's any chance he could have got a mate to send them and then left his phone at your house deliberately to see if you trust him ?.I don't think you should confront your boyfriend, perhaps try to ask some subtle questions to find out how he spent his time whilst you were away etc, you might find out that way that there is a perfectly innocent explanation.Were I in your shoes I'd certainly be suspicious however, hope everything works out.
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A
female
reader, AylaJ +, writes (6 September 2007):
I honestly can't tell you how to handle this. I'm a hot head so what I would do which would be really WRONG is text back to meet her somewhere and wear a certain color then I'd go there and confront her with my boyfriend in tow. But this is terrible messy and dysfunctional. That act is usually reserved for young girls who have plenty more years to mature before the don't do something like that. Understand ;)??or confront himThen after this relationship implodes which it will either way you go. Later on in life just confront him calmly about what you did with his phone and what you saw... then no matter his answer (which will either be harsh truth or a mighty lie) you let him know you're not ready to be in a relationship that requires so much energy to fix. Find a better guy. GOODLUCK
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