A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I came out of an engagement last year, it was a 6 year relationship and ended with me kissing someone else and realising that I wasnt getting what I wanted from my fiance. It hurt considerably to break it off. There was a lot of security involved, for me but I did it, and started to heal, went into a relatioship which I fell into real fast and it turns out this person was using and lying to me, that hit me harder I think because I hadn't really dealt with the 6 yearer. I left things a few months and got together with a wonderful kind, sweet, gorgeous man who had been working with and had fancied me for 18 months. He is not without his history. His parents split when he was 9 and it was messy, being an only child he learned to be independant and fill his life up with friends, uni, work and gym etc, he also came out of a 6 year relationship a couple of years ago and I guess these things have left their marks on us both. Things were going great and at about 3 months I realised I loved him so (being the heart on my sleeve kinda girl) I told him, he didn't reciprocate but I know he is not the kinda guy who will say something because someone wants to hear it. Anyway, long story short, it's been 10 months and he can't say it to me and he cant even show me. Quite often when we go out I just feel like a friend so I broke it off and he thinks it's a break and we can keep in touch which I would love, but it would only make me hold onto hope that he would come back, and what if he meets someone in the meantime, that would be just even more painful now.... So I've told him I need to sever all contact. Am I doing the right thing, am I being unreasonalbe? I gave him 100% of me and I know in my gut I'm only getting 50% back. He's not a bad man, not unfaithful or immoral, he is a wonderful person which makes it all the harder... but I'm 30, I know how I feel, and I show it, I understand it's hard for me but do you think if he really loves me he will realise himself.... I just don't know... I am so confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Katybear and Dalglish. Apparently he is going to call me over this weekend so we can 'talk' everything through. But the last few months or so have been nothing but talking about it and me generally feeling like im banging my head against a brick wall. I know in my heart that although he cares for me a great deal, even says " I do love you ***, BUT" which to me means hes giving and then taking away...well thats what it feels like anyway. We hardly ever see each other now and he thinks maybe we both need a break, maybe the timing isnt right for us... which he could be right about to some extent. But he still wants the contact and i know i cant do that...hearing what hes up to etc and knowing im now part of it, living with the hope he might have this big light bulb moment and think, sh!t i miss her, ive got to be with her, im ready...sadly, i do not think that is ever going to happen now... will keep you posted of what happens tho....thanks for your words of advice...ive never gone on anything like this before and its quite nice to talk to complete strangers and get different opinions rather than coming up with ones in my head, or boring my friends and family by banging on about it all the time.thanksx
A
female
reader, katybear  +, writes (7 September 2007):
What you did is the hardest thing you ever have to do in a relationship walking away to see if they chase after you can go either way. But you did the right thing you know how you felt which would have made it hard on you but you weren't sure how he felt and its better to find that out now then further down the track. Don't doubt yourself but if he contacts you give him a chance to talk to you as sometimes you don't realise how much somebody means to you until they aren't around.
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A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 a relate cant continue if there is some lack of trust on either sides. If u feel this aint really committed 2 ur relationship, u had beta move on b4 u turn out to be used goods.
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