A
female
age
26-29,
*oodcharlotte4life
writes:okay. this is really scary to me so someone please give me some advice. i have a boyfriend, he is 18. i'm a little younger than him, hehe. anyways we want to have sex. he knows i am a virgin.... he wants me to be on my hands and knees when we do it. and plus he says he will not go slow and easy. he said he'll go fast and hard and stuff. the weird thing is that he knows i am a virgin....and i am not sure he cares about that. he said i am going to probley scream in pain. that does sound painful! heres some questions. • if we have sex what is the best position for losing your virginity?• could it damage my insides if he goes fast and hard and has a pretty good size penis??•is there anything i can do to prepare for this hurtful thing?• if he accidently cums in me could i use a douche to kill the sperm cells? (my friend said that)okay someone please help me out here. this is suppose to happen in like a week! need some advice! thanks! 3
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2009): Goodcharlotte,
Just reading your post, and it has me nearly in tears. Thanks for writing back to us all, your response has made me smile again. It was very kind of you to come back and update us on the way your thinking and feeling.
I know things can seem so dark, being a teenager is hard, and I've got depression too. But you deserve so much in life, you deserve nice things, you deserve kind words, and a nice guy. This will happen to you, you only have to wait and be patient. Tell Jerk-off to go away, stay strong, and protect yourself from people that want to use you. Men like him can ruin your life forever, but don't let them, demand the best and you'll get the best. I lost my virginity to the man I loved when I was 18, it was a beautiful experience, and I felt loved and happy. This is what I want for you, and if it doesn't feel like love, if it doesn't make you feel special, then don't you do it. You don't have to please anyone, or give them any part of you, unless you know you'll get something precious back.
Take care Charlotte, your words have made many of us angry, hurt for you, and now we are smiling and hoping your life will be golden. Your life will be golden if you make it so, it's your choice babes, fight for the best that life has to offer you.
A
female
reader, Wonder79 +, writes (1 March 2009):
I guess I agree with the rest of those who answered you.
Save yourself for someone who deserves you. I was older when I lost my virginity and it was NOT AT ALL a painful experience! It was one of the best moments in my life and I think that was because I waited to find someone who genuinely cared for me. He was gentle and attentive and, trust me, making love has only gotten better from there.
Don't let some jerk who wants you to 'scream in pain' be your first. Any dude who wants you to 'scream in pain' during sex isn't making love to you. When the time is right and the MAN is right, your first time should be wonderful. This guy isn't a MAN.
Don't let him be your first time and DON'T let him make you feel bad if you decide to save yourself for someone more deserving.
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female
reader, Cupcakes  +, writes (28 February 2009):
Hey hun. Do not have sex with this sex crazed boy. He has proberly seen it on a porn movie. And with hormones raging it only spells troubel. I know this coz i have been in ur place. But i dumped him coz i didnt want to give somehing so personal like my virginity to some jerk. So plz dont have sex with him. Lisen to the other people. They are all saying the same thing. Find someone worth while. Gud luck hun xxx
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female
reader, Mymy  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 It's good to know you feel more confident and relaxed! But have you got rid of this guy yet? Only then can you really move on and let the 'healing' take place. I would personally advise you still see a counsellor, just to get a more professional take on things. Also, don't let a psychic prediction dictate what you do- if you think 'I will wait til I'm 17, THEN it'll all go smoothly', you're making yourself vulnerable. A lot of people on here, and your friends/family, will tell you that sort of thing comes along when you aren't looking for it. Good luck.
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female
reader, goodcharlotte4life +, writes (28 February 2009):
goodcharlotte4life is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys and girls.i gained some confidence...because i remembered a while back my friend talked to this physcic(sp?) dude and he told me that i would have REAL chances of love at ages "17, 21, and 26" i guess it all depends on me and how i choose to make it.and i feel better now. (:17 is only 3 years away, and then i can lose it to someone i will really love. (: thanks so much people. seriously i like love you all now!you're like my brothers and sisters now! (:i know that sounded creepy. haha.33 xoxoxo
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Look hun im the poster that asked if you are simple and have no self respect.In hindsight im sorry that I said that.Your question just pissed me offf so much because I have been there.All my life I have suffered from varying levels of depression and a general feeling that everyone in the word is better than me.The thing is iv let people do some terrible things to me in the past and now that I know better I still feel dirty and used even 10 years later.The guy I lost my virginity to was a few years older and I was your age. I thought losing my virginity would be a wonderful experiance but he got me drunk took me into a paddock and as you say gave it to me hard from behind. Thats how I lost it.And do you know what. he told everyone that I am a filthy slut and love it rough. I couldn't go anywhere without getting hit on by guys. In my mind I thought they liked me for me but they were all looking for a little of the action that he got.It has taken me 10 years to get my self respect back from that one night. Please dont let this person do this to you.There is not one person on here that thinks you should let this happen. You may feel worthless etc but YOU alone are the master of your own destiny. I know everyone says it but you can do anything you put your midn to. I wish that I had of waited until I found a nice loving guy to lose my virginity to its something I cant get back and will regret for the rest of my life.Please get rid of him and focus on YOURSELF for a while. You need to learn to love and value yourself. your only young, do well at schol, go to uni if you like, play sport and follow other interests. There is more to life than guys and truthfully in 5 years time this guy is going to just be a memory. Its up to you if the memory is going to be of you STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF and telling him to pissof or if the memory will be of you being used and tossed aside like a piece of trash.This post has bothered me so much over night that I emailed it to all my male friends wha are good guys and they all said the same thing. Tell him to bugger off, you may be single for a few months or a few years but the right person is worth the wait and would never want to hurt, humiliate or degrade you in any way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): Based on your follow-up, let me advise you of this: whatever you think you're going to get from sex, at your age, you won't. In fact, under these circumstances (no matter what age you are), you won't. You will only end up feeling empty and more depressed, especially if you let this jerk-off guy do what he wants. It will not make you feel better. You will not feel more grown-up. You will just make your situation that much worse, and the whole point of going to a counselor is to get you feeling better.You're young. You have no idea how hard life can get. Try not to make things worse than they are, I beg you. I was your age once... I remember always feeling depressed, like no one would listen to me. I almost let myself get talked into losing my virgnity to some guy I liked under a bridge. Luckily, I had a friend who talked me out of that and fast. I'm not sayinf I lost my virginity in the ideal way, but when I did, I was at least old enough to withstand the consequences and feel ok with the decision I made.And if you want to talk things through, just remember to come here, to all of us grown people who have been where you are and can help you. We didn't have the internet when I was your age, so I didn't have this kind of outlet for my angst. And see your counselor... you have your whole life ahead of you and you can make it great. Please try to remember that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Listen to that inner voice babes. When you got off the phone from him, you Didn't want to do it. Keep your power. Being a teenager in these times is REAL tough. You become like the people you hang around...do you think a change of friends would help? It helped me and was a relief! A guy you become intimate with should make you feel Safe and Loved. This guy doesn't know what love is. Take care of you.
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reader, goodcharlotte4life +, writes (27 February 2009):
goodcharlotte4life is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni've known him for 3 years. we've been dating on and off for 3 years.he has tried to get me to do all sorts of things in the past. example- 3 somes and anal sexi'm not too worried about the "legal age to have sex" because i don't follow the "laws" anyway but it is more of a emotional thing that anything.yes i do agree that i have no self-respect.my mom wants to take me to a counsler because of my depression and split personality problems.i just get to the point where i wont care anymore about anything. that scares me because i want to care. sometime when i talk to him i want to have sex with him and then when we get off the phone i think in my head that i don't.it feels as if i dont know what i want in life anymore.like i've given up on a lot of things.i let too many people walk all over me and just basically take me over. :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Um can you please let us all know why you are even contemplating letting this @&@$ head take your virginity. Are you simple? Do you have no self respect?
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female
reader, Lost Canadian  +, writes (27 February 2009):
Seriously I hope you have read ALL the replies to your questions....now if a ton of strangers find this guy to be a total jerk then maybe he just is. I really hope you don't have sex with him...because he will hurt you and you will be left a mess and you will be dealing with it all on your own,so ask yourself first if you are prepared for that.
Also if you aren't on any birth control don't have sex with ANYONE until you are or you will find yourself pregnant and it's not fun...trust me I was there at 16 and even at 29 am dealing with a messed up situation!
None of this is funny,please I hope you listen....and one more word of caution,if he gets mad because you say no,and I would tell him in a public place with people nearby,because he just might rape you....but if he gets mad that shows you the kind of person he is. Also if he tries to act real sweet or says he's just joking run...this guy is BAD NEWS. Please love yourself and respect yourself enough and just ditch him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Basically, he is telling you that he plans to rape you! That is not making love and definitely, NO Way to lose your virginity! You are way to young to be having sex in the first place, and when you do, it should be with someone who cares about you and your feelings!
This guy is a selfish, self-centered, asshole! If you begin your sexual experience with a guy like this...it will effect the way you view sex for many years to come, perhaps the rest of your life! Get away from this guy, he is just using you and will hurt you, not only physically, but more so emotionally and those scars may never heal!
Please think about everything we have told you here. I beg you to reconsider this! You will regret it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): 1. Take a sex ed class or read a book or do some research before you even THINK about engaging in sex. No way does douching kill sperm cells. At all. And I'd hate for you to find out after you give birth and your so-called boyfriend's been gone for like 7 months because he damn sure is not trying to be a baby daddy.
2. Your boyfriend is a douche-bag. For all he cares, you could be a hole in the mattress or a blow-up doll. He does not respect you. You are just a semi-willing vagina to him that's easily replaceable wth the next piece of ass that he runs across. He may not even LIKE you, if he's okay withhurting you for his pleasure. Ugh. That's just sick. Honestly, have some love for yourself and tell this prick to f*ck off.
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male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (26 February 2009):
 He wants to hurt you, and take your virginity, then he will find another girl to do the same to.
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female
reader, MacConvie +, writes (26 February 2009):
YOU ARE WAY TOO YOUNG TO EVEN BE THINKING ABOUT HAVING SEX. Secondly, SAY NO. This guy seems like a jerk anyway.
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female
reader, Plutonious +, writes (26 February 2009):
Ok first and foremost is this what you would like to do with him and if you are ready please ask yourself twice. Now for those questions:1.) it's going to be a little uncomfortable and a little painful. it does not hurt that much. i don't how good you are with pain so it all depends.2.) try the basic position, him on top.3.) Picture a thin tissue paper inside you still as a whole, not broken through yet, so when he goes in there, (sorry that this is to graphic) he'll break through that thin piece and yes you will bleed. maybe little bleeding but not CONSTANT bleeding just a little. 4.) but before he goes in... make sure you take a deep breath, you need to be very very relaxed! in order to prevent just a little of the pain. if you are not relaxed then it's going to hurt more than usual.5.) ya you could use the douche bag. but i'd prefer condom.the main point is to relax!if that's what you are looking for.but on the other hand... if he doesn't care if you are going to hurt or not during the performance.... then he does not care for you at all. so think twice about it. ask him questions.
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reader, andrew loves hali +, writes (26 February 2009):
 he doesnt sound like he cares what you want. thts not the kind of guy you want to have sex with is it? and your to young. i would hold off on the sex until your older and you find the right one
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female
reader, Mymy +, writes (26 February 2009):
This guy sounds like a bastard, sorry. If your boyfriend knows your a virgin, he should respect that! I was lucky enough to lose my virginity to my boyfriend when it was my decision- he wanted it, sure, and hinted at it but never to the extent that I felt pressured. If I had felt like that, I'd have been out of there like a shot because it would have been a sign he wouldn't be respectful of you in bed- if you feel uncomfortable. scared or just don't know what to do- this guy seriously doesn't sound like he's the type who's going to try to reassure you. The age difference is a big thing too- YOU'RE UNDERAGE. If you want to feel sorry for him think of this, he could be prosecuted for rape if he forced you to have sex with him.
I don't think anyone is going to answer those questions for you, simply because there nothing good can come out of it!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): run away from this person fast! if he cared about you he would certainly not wish to hurt you. do not give away your virginity to this animal.
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Your boyfriend is an asswipe. Get someone who RESPECTS you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2009): OMG please don't have sex with that boy! You want someone who is going to care about you, be respectful of you and make it special for you. And NO douche does not kill sperm cells, you need to read up on birth control methods if you are planning on still having sex, a douche will only drive the sperm farther inside you. Please be careful!
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female
reader, Confined +, writes (26 February 2009):
If all he cares about is sex then don't duck him he told you he was going to hurt you why the hell would he want to hurt you just break up he's a fuching asswhole sorry but what he said is not cool
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female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 Your boyfriend is a jerk. Find someone who respects you.
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