A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend like to be rough during sex. So when he started slapping my face about 6 months ago I told him that he was taking it too far and they only thing I don't want him to do is slap me because I feel like he is abusing me. He still likes to be rough but doesn't slap me. Then, last night, while under the influence, he slapped my face 4 times during sex. I didn't stop him at first but then I started sobbing and made him stop. I was crying really hard and couldn't stop crying all night.He feels really bad, keeps telling me that hes really sorry, that he just forgot and he wasn't sober and that he would do anything to make it up to me.At first I thought I should break up with him because it really traumatized me but I love him too much and I know he loves me so I can't break up with him. I want to give him another chance (have I given him too many second chances?). And I still trust him with everything other than sex, now I'm afraid to have sex and I don't know what to tell him.
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male
reader, Zefram  +, writes (6 May 2017):
Brutal. I was raised by a German mother, so respect for everyone or a backhand. Also wait til marriage. I remember when I met gf a few years back she seemed so nice and sweet and then when she eventually broke my marriage wait she started to get more...insane...behind closed doors. I feel bad if I don't hold the door open for someone, let alone how I'd feel if I ever hit her and here she was screaming at me to smack her in the middle of us-time. Then I'd end up leaving the room feeling awful and she'd spend the next couple hours telling me how happy that made her (and people wonder why we can't understand women). Still makes me feel like a bad guy, I've gotta fight with myself to even do it to begin with.Point being, I don't smack my girlfriend (except when she's moan-screaming at me to do it) and don't blame it on alcohol when I do. I did it of my own volition. And if it was alcohol, I'd have a simple solution: Don't drink (which I very rarely do to begin with). A man who takes enjoyment from striking women, be it during sex or otherwise, is no true man. We're on this earth to protect our women not to cause harm, that's when a man becomes a monster. Because trust me, those exist.
A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (26 October 2010):
 You told him not to slap you, he did it anyway and blamed it on the booze. He is tossing his accountability out the window, what will his next excuse be? He betrayed your trust and you really have to ask yourself if you should stay with him?
If you think you can learn to like being slapped by this schmuck then go for it, otherwise he knows he will get away with it because you have allowed him too.
Be smart find someone who understands and respects the boundaries that you set, otherwise what happens if he gets tired of the slapping and decides to move onto punching?
Good luck
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (26 October 2010):
 i once had a g/f who wanted me to do this and i just couldnt do it. sounds like your man and she should get together.
i couldnt bring myself to slap her, even in fun. thats not what she wanted, she wanted to be slapped hard. we split up over it and thats what you should do. right now.
there is no future for you with him and i think you know that, and thats why you you asked for help.
be strong and give this bully the big flick.
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (25 October 2010):
Listen sweetie this man beats your azz at your most vulnerable time. When you give yourself to him. He's should be your protector, yet he loves seeing you humiliated. That why I say those porn movies are corrupting people minds. If I were you regardless of how much I love him. I have self respect and that is just way over fantasy land. I'm try to image what or how would that a turn on in any form. Your having sex then out of freaking no where you get slapped across the face like you're a worthless B.
Please leave him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): I not sure why any guy would want to slap thier girlfriend in the face, even during sex. You already talked to him about it and he should relize how you feel. He said sorry but words don't stop pain. Abuse is abuse, theres no getting around that. A real man never lays hands on a women. he caused you pain...what if it happens again?
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 I agress with Tennisstar. If you told him clearly to stop slapping you. He must respect that otherwise its abuse. Period. You should break up with him before it gets into an abusive relationship. There is a risk that he could be violent for other situations in the futor. I understand that you are in love with him but he could hurt you more if you decide to stay with him.
He has crossed the line. There is a high chance that he will not respect you in the futor if you stay with him. Its not worth the risk.
Take care !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Let's see what this guy feels lik if a my 120 dumbbell slapped him in the face. This is absolutely infuriating to a man like me miss. I am very sorry he has disrespected you and on more than one occassion. This to me is sick, demeaning, and outright degrading. His alcohol usage can and will not justify this action. Thats bullshit. he knew damn right what he was doing and then went ahead got drunk and put himself at risk of doing it again. His bad decisions should not hint, but clearly, show red flags here. Ive known too many women that stick with a$$holes to fix them up. You dont deserve this at all. Remove your emotion from the relationship, look at the logic at how things look here, and youll see this is a very bad situation so therefore a breakup is def necessary and he needs to get help. You have my sympathy and utmost respect as I am very sorry a man treated u like this.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 We knew a couple a long time ago...she didn't mind mildly "rough sex" but it got to where he simply could not "finish" unless he hit her to see her wince. One night, he beat her up very badly and she finnaly filed for divorce and got it. Best thing ever happened for her. Don't let it escalate. Think of you first and break the cycle before he hurts you big time.
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A
female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (24 October 2010):
im sorry if u dont really want to hear this but he is being totally abusive. 90% of all abusive relationships where one partner says 'i will never hit u again' ends with someone in the hospital and the other in jail. u have given him enough of ur time. you should NEVER have to fear sex with ur partner. dont wait till the next time hes drunk and try 2 tell him no again it could have dangerous side effects. good luck
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (24 October 2010):
 I agree with Tennisstar. Yet, I'll add that if you choose to stay with this man, there needs to be a talk about this. If he feels alcohol encourages this behavior in him, tell him you will NEVER have sex with him when he's drunk. You deserve NOT to be afraid while engaging in sex or to engage in sex with your significant other. I'd hope you'd leave him but again, if you choose to stay, make it very clear that if there's one more "slip-up," you're gone. Explain to him that you feel very demeaned by slapping and it will NEVER feel good to you.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (24 October 2010):
 OMG!!! You must!! Get of this relationship NOW! This will only get worse, and the abuse will no longer begin with sex it'll begin from the moment he walks in the door. I'm speaking from "PERSONAL" experience. I started out liking a little "DRUNK" sex, A one thing lead to another. Drinking gives people "FALSE COURAGE" It gives them the ability to do to you what they always wanted to do anyway & basically their "COWARDS" UNTIL THEY SEEK HELP! Now, That's where "STRENGTH" COMES IN!!! I'm pray for his "STRENGTH"
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (24 October 2010):
 I'll admit it, my husband was into rough kinky sex, hair pulling and slapping before he met me. However, he asked me if I liked any of that before he even did anything with me. I liked the hair pulling, but he NEVER EVER slapped me during sex. I understand some guys get off on that, to me it's demeaning.
Now, what your boyfriend should have done was asked you from the beginning if you were into that kind of stuff and what you would be comfortable doing. His next mistake is thinking what worked for the last girlfriend, might work for you. You told him to stop, so he did. However, last night he slapped you again and blamed it on the alcohol. Regardless, he is held responsible for his actions. He knew slapping wasn't ok with you, but he did it anyway. This is abuse.
So now it's up to you whether you want to stay with him or not. You shouldn't fear sex with your boyfriend, but he can't be trusted since he's already done it twice. If he loves you he would respect your choice and body. He wouldn't have slapped you especially when you told him not to, that's something you don't just "forget". In my opinion break up with him, because he's really crossed the line on this one.
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