He shagged like a porn star in his affair!

A female age 51-59, *weetpea37 writes:

My husband and I have been married for 14 years, with 2 kids. He is 40 I am 37. For a long time (possibly always) our love life has not been right. He is very highly sexed, and would want to make love every day, and several times a day if possible. I like sex, but have many other things in my life, not least our 2 kids, and am happy with maybe a couple of times a week. That's the first problem. The second (and there are a few, bear with me!) is that no matter how often I tell him that there are things I don't like, he still does them, such as telling him he can't try for 'clitoral stimulation' immediately, as, until I am turned on, it can actually be physically uncomfortable. It seems like, it suits him, so he does it regardless. The upshot of this, was that in the last 2 years I have slowly lost interest in making love to him - it felt like a chore, not a pleasure. Then, last May, he had a 3 week affair. I only found out in November and was (am) absolutely devastated. But I told him that I felt that our relationship was strong enough to get through it and we can work on things. The thing is, that since the affair, he has completely gone off me sexually. He says the girl he had the affair with was really sexual, wanted it all the time, was just like him in that department, and told him he was fantastic in bed. I now have a real problem. I have no doubt that for those 3 weeks he shagged like a porn star, and no doubt I do look like a poor substitute for that. And now he has been told he is 'fantastic' this has only served to emphasize to him that when I say certain things are uncomfortable, or i don't like them, he thinks it is just me being 'repressed'. Now we are not even sleeping in the same bed, and I don't want to make love to him because I don't feel I can say what I feel, and am suffering from 'performance anxiety'. I suggested we can see a sexual therapist or something, but he seems unwilling, saying he thinks I am just not that interested in sex, and we should concentrate on being friends first. What do you think? Should I just chuck in the towel and tell him to leave? Part of me loves him hugely, whilst the other part is screaming out what a cheating scumbag he is, and how dare he try and make me feel so bad about myself. Thanks!

View related questions: affair, porn

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, sweetpea37  +, writes (16 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Serenity1  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A male reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Too Sensitive  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, Dani28  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A female reader, kirstyconfused  +, writes (15 January 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer