A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 24 year old female and have been in a relationship with the same guy for four years now. He is 34 years and am hoping that soonest we will be engaged and get married. I am so close to his family and loved by everyone and I really love him and he loves me so very much, but to me it seems he's not making up his mind and I am almost getting fed up of still waiting. I don't want to be the one disturbing or forcing him to get married. He really wants to settle down but I don't know if he is scared or probably because of finances. I am not after money, all I want is to be happy with him and share his hurts and joys together. Please what do I do. I need a reply.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NITRAM BLUE  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I went to the same situation your man is experiencing right now. When I went for it this "marriage thing" it only lasted for less than two (2) years. I wasn't ready. I preferred a quiet civil wedding but she preferred a festive reception.
Now tell me, do you want to get married and last approximately two (2) years or do you want it forever?
You are 24, time is still on your side. At 30, it will be your prime. At 40, it will be too late. For what? To have children but not to get married. You can still call the priest even when you are over 50 to get married.
Marriage is a ceremony where people you know gather around to have a celebration. What is the difference between that and a fiesta or a posh extravaggant party or a Christmas eve party? Marriage should be meaningful, it is when two hearts bravely and lovingly surrenders themselves before God that they will be together till death do you part and mean it. It is not a party.
When is a man ready? The man is ready when he kneels before you and gives you an engagement ring. Did he or didn't he do that? If not, then he is not ready.
It is not adviceable to force the issue of marriage to the man, if he is not ready or any party for that matter. It will only lead to some disastrous effect. Take it from me, I've been there and done that.
Marriage is only a piece of paper, a contract which if one of the parties wants to get out from - it will be really be messy and costly. Marriage is not a requisite for love or to have children. The purpose of marriage is simply to have legitimate children and defines property division in case of annulment or divorce. Marriage is ownership papers, that you can file bigamy, concubinage or adultery against the offending spouse. Marriage is easy to get into but hard to get out from. Marriage does not guarantee that your spouse will be loyal to you or to his obligations. Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence. Why then are you in a hurry to get married?
Love is superior and everlasting than marriage. Marriage only compliments love. Marriage is honorable when you have children. Marriage is troublesome and problematic, while love is not. There can be a marriage without love and there can be love without marriage. Which my dear, do you really prefer?
It is never too late to get married but is always too late to be in love.
My advice: You are still young. Never be in haste. Never force your man to be married to you. Wait for the man to bend to his knees and let him say the words you are waiting for "Marry me."
Love is patient.
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