A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend refuses to buy me a christmas present because he says he is an atheist and doesnt celebrate christmas.i have already bought him something (very nice that he has been wanting) but last night he told me he wouldnt buy christmas gifts ater i coyly asked him what he had got me. we got into a fight because christmas is important to me.what do i do? do i return the gift i got him? i dont know if we are compatible if he wont just celebrate with me. he also refuses to help me decorate my christmas tree or wrap presents i got for other people.it doesnt bother me that hes atheist as i am not very religious myself but its tradition for me and my family to do this... should i stay with him? i cant imagine havig a family with someone who wont celebrate christmas.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): You should really just respect his beliefs. He doesnt seem to be forcing it down your throat that you SHOULDNT be buying xmas presents, so why should you be having a go just so you get a present? If you dont like it, finish with him, but dont keep trying to change him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): He is mean. Just because he is atheist doesn't mean he can't celebrate christmas with you. And if this was going to be an issue why is he even dating you??? If he is so atheist why doesn't he go date a atheist. But you being Christian didn't stop him from wanting to be with you therefore he should respect and want to join you for your customs and celebrations.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Sounds to me like hes cheap. I'm agnostic but I still buy friends presents during the holiday season because its nice to do.
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A
female
reader, sexyhunnibbe001  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 ok i think he is just being rude coz my best friend is an atheist and she gives xmas presents to everyone.so i'd seriously consider dumping him if he's not willing to get you anythinghope i helped :)xxx
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 I think he is being disrespectful and maybe a little lazy. I'm an atheist too but I sure get my close and loved ones christmas presents. I do that to show how much I care about them and appreciate them. To me, as an atheist, christmas is not about christianity or Jesus birth, it is about giving time for your family and other loved ones. Like a thankgiving holiday. I wish we all would give time to show this more often and not only around certain holidays, but life is as it is. Does your boyfriend show you how much he cares on other days and occasionally gives you any presents? Your boyfriend doesn't have to share all your beliefs, I'm sure you could put up with that, but he should respect and acknowledge that this a very important holiday for you. What happens next time he doesn't share your beliefs? Will he want to marry you? To christen your children?
I think you need to talk to him about this.
Wish you all the best and a good holiday. Tell us how it goes!
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (9 December 2007):
 If you are a Christian and you believe in Heaven and hell, then you have yourself a relationship with a man whom is destined for the place down below…and I’m not talking about Australia. I think it’s amazing when I see a Christian and an Atheist try to make a relationship work… I just don’t see it. You believe in God, and he doesn’t… Face it, there’s just no middle ground! You look up at the sky and the world around and you know God made it. He looks at the world and he thinks it just happened. As a Christian you believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins. As an atheist, he mocks at your beliefs and might have been one of the onlookers who jeered at him for claiming to be the Son of God. Yes God does command us to love everyone, even atheists. But if you’re seeking a long term arrangement with him, you are doomed to cross swords on a great many things, and there is no winning on this.
But more than being an atheist, he’s also disrespectful of you, because he will not share in what is important to you. Even being an atheist he should have simple respect with you as a person, and he can follow your traditions without believing God. Not only that, he is downright selfish and unthinking. If anything He should be the one giving YOU the present because it is your belief, while you give him nothing!
In any relationship it’s give and take. You always have to give in to what’s important to your partner no matter what. This is why shared values above all other elements determine how compatible two people can be.
I can give you a personal situation where I had to give in to my partner. My ex had a real love for soccer. She’s played it since she was a kid, then she coached and even refereed games. I absolutely HATE soccer! It’s the worst sport there is, in my opinion. But here I am going to soccer games rooting her on and supporting her. I did that for her, because being her special man, it was my duty to be there for her. ON the other hand she attended baseball games with me, my sport, even though she wasn’t too thrilled with it. You just have to give in to things that you hate sometimes. That’s the way it works.
If you look ahead in your future with your boyfriend, you will come into some serious conflicts ahead of you. When you have children, are they going to go to church…will he allow them? What if you want your child to be baptized…how will he feel about that? Will he accept a preacher to marry you or insist on a secular authority? By the way as an atheist he shouldn’t even believe in marriage, being an institution founded by religion. So this thing with Christmas looks pretty minor compared to what’s coming up. Don’t expect him to give you anything for your birthday either, so be ready for that. Wasn’t Valentines Day founded by a religious saint? Hmmmm.
You should stand back and reassess what you are willing to give up, and ask what you will demand he give up for you. I wish you luck. And God bless you.
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A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 you're boyfriend is just being cheap.
if he'll accept the gift you got him but refuses to give you anything or help you then it's got nothing to do with him being an athiest, it's got to do with him being lazy and inconsiderate.
I hate to encourage breaking up with someone, but I seriously think you should tell him to get with the programor get out.
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A
female
reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (9 December 2007):
 You two seem to have different values and I believ you are both overreacting slightly. Like my boyfriend celebrates christmas while I am an atheist but I bought him a gift. Christmas for us non christians is just a time to give gifts and get gifts, so the fact that your boyfriend seems so anti christian givea me a red flag. why is he that way?
Is it the commercialism? Or is he cheap and scrouge like? If you can deal with the fact that this boyfriend will not ever change his mind then stay. If this is too important to you to back off, break up.
Simple as that,
Best of Luck,
Hugs
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 I am a Muslim and if you were my girl, I would love to buy you Christmas presents and I would enjoy the Christmas with you.
He is being a bigot on this, a very unnecessary attitude.
I do understand your frustration but take it as an idiosyncrasy on his part and try to reconcile. Of course I am assuming he is not repeating this type of nonsense behavior on other issues of importance to you, like weddings, funerals, births etc...If it is so , you should seriously re-consider this relationship.
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