A
female
age
30-35,
*irlwhoneedshelp
writes:Hi guys,I need some help with some legal stuff. My sister is turning 17 on january 1st and my mum wants to throw her out. My sister is just awful and has made all of our lives a living hell for the past 3 years nearly. We have tried reasoning with her, setting rules and punishments, shouting at her, letting her do what she wants and she still isn't responding. She tells my mum to piss off on a daily basis. My dad isn't here to help as he is working away this christmas. He hasn't worked away for long so we don't think this is the reason for her behaviour. She doesn't even listen to him either and has even told him to fuck off to his face. She is a pure horror. She steals, smokes(which we don't do) sleeps around and drinks and we don't know what to do. My mum has enough to handle on her own without my sister on her case all the time and my sister is making my mum ill. She will hear no sense about anything and she really doesn't care about anything and anyone. She constantly threatens us with moving out but we would like nothing more. I know this sounds harsh but my mum is at a lost cause. She even gives my sister her child benefit money as her spending money otherwise she steals money from me. She goes to college some days during the week and doesn't work at all. She's born idle and doesn't even pick up her dirty laundry from the floor. She expects everyone else to do her dirty work and she uses our home like a hotel.I live in the UK as you will see from my little flag. Can anyone help us? We would like to know if there is some way we can move her out of the house and maybe into a hostel or a flat. We can't take any more. We really have washed our hands of her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): Your parents have a huge problem. They don't have your sister's respect. The kind of respect that causes her to honor their family values, guidelines and decisions even though, she does not always agree with them. And you are right, you cannot support her bad choices. Both of you are siblings and have been raised in the same family by the same parents. However, you seem to have some common sense on making good choices in your life, so this is clearly not a case of 'parents being overly strict' as suggested by the one Aunt below. By the age of 17, a young person has learned full the meaningfulness of family-they know all about values, ethics, good/bad choices. In fact, kids at 8-10 years old know these basic concepts. So why is your sister this way? Because she's figured out a manipulative, quick and nasty technique for standing out as opposed to working hard to becoming someone, unique and special in her family. I find it funny how young folks imply they are somehow not responsible for their bad behaviors when behaviors are a 'choice'. It's as if they separate all ethics/family values from their acts and behaviors. And when they are asked to uphold a higher standard...they blame Mom and Dad. From what you wrote in your follow up. there doesn't appear to be an excuse for what she's doing. In other words, your sister should know better...a lot better. She wants her own identity but she's doing through the big bang of rebellion and your parents, and yourself are paying the huge emotional price of living with her have to get tough with her. Sometimes when someone makes really bad choices in life, they must be forced to bear the consequences and learn the hard way. It's either that or your Mother ends up stressed out and very sick, with worry. So how do they do that? They call legal counsel and find out what the proper age is, as to when Mom/Dad can ask her to leave the home. I am guessing it's 16 years of age. Your sister feels entitled and she's in a very immature , manipulative frame of mind. She wants control and she will hang a huge guilt trip on them if they do this. Mom and Dad will have to be strong and form a united front in telling her...either she twos the line or she's out. If she doesn't 'grow up' and behave as a decent human being...they must follow through. This will be gut wrenching, it may even be heart breakingly tough -your Mom will need your support. I am sorry and I wish you all...the best.
A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp +, writes (11 December 2007):
girlwhoneedshelp is verified as being by the original poster of the question to baybeelizzie i do have some issues with what you're saying as you sound exactly like my sister. my mum and dad have never ever been harsh with my sister and thats why she is taking advantage. i was raised exactly the same as she was and there is only 1 year between us. I am a respectable adult and she is a sulky little child still. If she thinks she can't follow rules then its her own problem, you sound just as bad and maybe you should listen to your parents. If you aren't following rules then you're the one in the wrong not your parents. AND about the mother/sister thing, my dad isn't here and i don't talk to her like i'm her mother. i'm talkin to her from the point of view of a person who has been hurt by what she's done. i don't think you listened to much of what i said because she cannot be reasoned with. she understands nothing but what she wants to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): Let your mum throw her out, change the locks and let her get on with it. She is 17 and should be starting to stand on her own two feet. She has abused all that has been given to her so she doesnt deserve anymore chances. Maybe once she realises that the people who love her are doing her a favour then she will change her ways.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, baybeelizzie +, writes (9 December 2007):
Hiia
No offence.. but ive just turned 16 and my parentz think exacli th same of me.. i smoke; drink and i have stolen money from ma family b4, tha mite sound bad but it is true.
the way you act and treat her is probabli why shes doiin it, thats why i do it anywaii.. th more rules you set; th more sh will rebel ova it, she'l do wot she wants to do and nuffin &&* no1 can stop her; thats how i feel anywai.
if your parents are propa strict then she wont listen. i threatend ma mum n dad tha il move owt bare tymz.. and everi tym i go.. i end upp cumiin bak.
sh probabli feels tha it ent nuffink to do wit yu..bcuz yur her sister.. not her mum. i have been told by my counsellor that you can move into a place called the foyer wich is for 16-19 who hav been chuckd owt, or for some reason cant live with their parents, theres lots of them around th UK. or to a hostel, but they are full of druggies etc.
talk to your sis, make er undastand wher yur cumin from; but dont go on to controllingli; let her do sum stuff sh wants but dont let her go ova da top.
hope this helps, im in practicalli exacli th same situation as your sis; mayb not AS bad with th laundry etc, cuz i do sum stuff.
Thankkz
Message bak if you hav ne uva probzz ennit =]
x
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A
female
reader, jamiexox +, writes (9 December 2007):
 getting a house at the age of seventeen is possible. If your sister is willing to move out get your mum to write her a letter saying that she has kicked her out to the housing excutive and they will deal with it from there.. I know it may sound awful to do.. but it sounds like u have tried out a lot of different things.
Although i have been in your sisters shoes.. doing excatly what she was doing smoking drinking being disrespectful to everyone.. didnt want any help of anyone culdnt care less about anyone nor myself.. but i was being physically abused by my mums boyfriend at the time and that was the trigger of it all.. i moved out at 16 into my own home and struggled big time.. was shipped to a place 3 miles away from my family and it suck in how important it was to have family up until summer 06 i still lived on my own being 20 now.. i have moved back in with my mum and we couldnt be closer.. maybe take her out just you and her sometime.. ask her to go christmas shopping or something with you.. and try and rebuild your bond.. im not sayin anything has happened but it could be the answer you are looking for as to why her behaviour has turned like this.. just try and keep a brave face.. you may think you are getting somewhere with her and all of a sudden boom back to the way she was.. but dont lose faith in her she is still only 17 there is plenty of time for her to mature.. but slowly try and talk to her just incase something has went on.. maybe not in your family but outside of it
j xxx
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male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 Your best bet is hard love. Throw her out for good and dont think about it twice. She will thank you one day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): My sister was like that for a while, although she had other psychological problems. You could suggest to your mom to look into in-patient programs. Kind of like a rehab center for troubled teens. I don't know how serious her problems are, but it sounds like she needs help. Talk to a counselor or nurse about her, and get a prof. opinion... but I am from the US, so I don't know your UK options.
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