A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months tomorrow, and both gave each other our virginities a month ago exactly. Our physical relationship has never been anything but perfect for each other, he cares more about me being satisfied than himself, and will do everything he can to please me, completely dedicated to it! I couldn't ask for anything better and he was very patient waiting 10 months to have sex. I'm very shy, so new things it takes me a while to adjust to and become comfortable enough and confident enough to these things.He's been in his last months of school with mass amounts of assessment so we haven't had many chances for past few months to be physical, at least, no where near as much as we'd like. Since the first time, we've had sex a total of four times. It has still been awfully painful for initial penetration for me, I have brought this down to perhaps that my muscles are still getting used to the size of his penis, as the sexual acitivity has been usually 1.5-2weeks apart, I figure the more often we have it the better I'll get used to it, and also I am still getting very nervous and clenching my muscles. On the weekend it was possibly more if not the same level of pain as the very first time, but once I get into it now and relax completely there is no obstruction or pain so I'm really putting this down to the fact I'm not relaxing enough at initial penetration and I don't know how to get my mind in the right place. We also have used foreplay everytime and I've always orgasmed at least once if not several times from that before penetration. And we have also used plently of lube to make it more comfortable for myself.But anyways done to my real question! How long does it take til we both should get really comfortable with it? We're getting much better, but due to my pain we're holding back mostly. It's been a little awkward as well changing positions, I find we have to communicate what to do next and then it gets a little awkward and we fumble around a bit which I'd definitely like to improve this, I want it to be as good for him as it can be.Another thing, our sex has always been around the 30min mark, if not longer, like on the weekend we went for over an hour. My partner says he is on the edge on orgasm the whole time, like it goes to happen, but he feels like an obstruction is stopping it from happening and he has suggested it may be the condom. Some of the condoms we've been using have left a red mark on his penis as if they are too tight so is it possible that they are too tight and can that in any way affect his orgasm? And I know that he is enjoying it, a lot, so I'm not worried about it not being good enough for him, it's amazing for him just lots and lots of room for improvement but I'm sure that's always the case til we're much older.So please,, advice on one, my pain at initial penetration, two, on how to stop stumbling around and get more comfortable with positions, and three, the condom/orgasm problem.I know already I must sound very stupid, I'm quite tired whilst writing this, and this one's a bit embarrassing but I'll bring it up now, what is the best angle for doggy style? Because upon attempting this a couple of times, we just can't get the angle right and then it's wasting time so we move on.Thanks guys! :)
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condom, foreplay, move on, muscle, orgasm, shy, too tight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 November 2011):
 oh sweetie I'm so sorry for you...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNever mind, the boy changed his mind after a year out of the blue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbabu3u - thanks heaps, this is what I've definitely brought it down to that thanks to all of your advice! And I don't think it's awkward at all - I absolutely love that we are both inexperienced and learning all of this together, I get to discover his body well and truley as much as my own and him the same with me, it was definitely something worth waiting for with the right person.
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A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (16 November 2011):
 The most important part so it won't hurt as much is to completely relax. If you keep thinking about how is going to hurt is going to hurt because you immediately become tense. And the more often you have sex the easier it becomes. Is going to be like that for a while when you change positions since you both are inexperience is nice to experience new positions together. Don't think of it as awkward but something that you are experiencing with someone you care about. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys -
To both anonymous males - we have been using adequate amounts of foreplay and using extra lubrification so I really do not think that this is the problem - but the amount of pain at initial penetration is not getting any easier and it's just ridiculously unbearable still. I know it takes most females a few times before it stops hurting, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better.
Marti - thanks for your advice - it probably does sound that way that I am trying to get everything right - but my main concern is the pain at initial penetration - I enjoy it very much but as the pain isn't getting any better and more so worse, it's scaring me and putting me off having sex - which I'm sure in turn is just stressing me out and clenching my muscles thus causing it to hurt so much. I guess all i can do is enjoy it as much as i can and relax as much as i can.
So Very Confused - Yes I know its okay to laugh, we have at times, we're both on the same page with everything in our relationship especially the intimate size and both very open with each other, I'll try my best to relax.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
I think you two are over thinking it.
just go with the flow and relax and laugh.
LAUGHING during sex is OK...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): No, the condoms can not make it that tight to left red mark on his penis. In any case, you can try using a different sized condoms and see whether that makes it more comfortable for him. Do not have sex without using the contraceptives ..
Regarding the pain, if you have adequate foreplay (5-10 mins) then you are going to get wet and maybe feel more comfortable with the initial penetration. You can also try using extra lubricants before the first penetration and see whether that helps.
With time you would get comfortable with each other and hopefully with that these problems will go away. Best ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Hi just relax and take your time it is probably painfull for you because you are not wet enough for him to penetrate you try kissing and touching each other for maybe a hour or longer before you try again this should make it less painfull for you
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