A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am nine weeks pregnant, almost ten. I am engaged to my boyfriend. I was not planning on getting pregnant and never thought having kids was something i had to do. I found i was pregnant and told my finace and he was so happy and exited. I was not. He is a drug addict. I used to do drugs too, but have been clean for a year and a half. Our relationship has been off and on because he will not stop using drugs. He begged and begged me not to get an abortion and so I missed two appointments to have it aborted. I told him that drug addicts have no business having kids!!! He said things would be different. After i missed the second appt for the abortion he went out a few hours later and got high again and came home on meth! I left and regretted not getting the abortion. What do i do? im thinking i should just put it up for adoption to people that are not on drugs. He is never going to change and does not deserve to be around or have a child while he is on drugs! Am i wright or wrong?
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abortion, drugs, engaged Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Whether you choose to have an abortion or not is a deeply personal decision that you will have to take. I can only suggest that you take it quickly - after 20 weeks it gets really dangerous to both you and the child. As you don't seem to be opposed to abortions on principle, and if it is legal where you are, I don't see why you should not.
But I do second the opinions below regarding your boyfriend. WHY exactly are you still with him?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): DON'T have an abortion! you need to either raise the baby or give it to someone who will... either way you need to lose that guy!
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A
male
reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I don't think your child should pay the price for your bf being a druggie or for the choices you've made either.
Maybe becoming a father will make your bf clean up his act. If not, the courts will probably decide he's an unfit parent and give you custody.
Lots of people have had druggie parents but I doubt they would rather be dead now. So please think carefully over this choice. Once you make it, you can never go back.
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A
female
reader, Myrrh  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Well done for kicking the habit. Thats brilliant! I think its the man you should remove not your baby. If he doesnt have the will power to give up drugs he will just take you down with him one way or another. Having a child on the other hand, is a life changing experience and one you shouldnt deny yourself. Move away and start a new life with your baby. You wont regret it x
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A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Its not the baby you should be getting rid of. Its your "boyfriend".
If he isnt responsible enough to look after himself or put a child, his child first, then leave.
You and the child could have a much better life without him. Move a 100 miles away from him if you have to. Think about your kid now, because they will be the thing that keeps you strong forever. Dont let that guy ruin your life.
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A
female
reader, shapoopsy +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Hi Anonymous, I'm not a big fan of abortion because 12 weeks is not enough time to make such an important decision. You seem uncertain, so waiting to decide seems like the best choice. ~Shapoopsy
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A
female
reader, Katie-Lynn +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I say abort it and leave the guy. Have a kid with someone who loves the baby enough to be sober and keeps his promises.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 get out now....there is no future with this guy. make the abortion descision on your own and good luck with whatever you decide
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): sometimes babies change people, maybe, becomeing a father will be the best thing that could have happened to him. But you need to tell him that kids dont need daddys who take drugs and that if he loves you and wants this baby he needs to give them up! If he cant and you want this baby you need to leave him and maybe then that will be the turning point and he'll see that you mean it and start trying harder. BTW well done for giving up the drugs. addiction isnt easy to deal with perhaps he needs some professional help Good luck hun x
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (23 September 2010):
 You need to sit down and talk this through with your boyfriend. You seem very sure that he is never going to change and it wouldn't be fair to bring an innocent child into the world where his/her father is on drugs! On the other hand, this could be the one thing that really changes him for the better.I can see what you mean when you say that 'drug addicts have no business having kids' but if he says he's going to change then you will definately need to see some evidence. Tell him to go to rehab, and a drugs cousellor. If he really wants this baby he will do it! Sit down and discuss your options, talk like adults, because that's what you are.By the way, congratulations on staying clean for a year and a half. If you can do it....so can he!!
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A
female
reader, Katie-Lynn +, writes (23 September 2010):
As much as I am against abortion, I think you should abort it and break up with him. No use being with someone who's s drug addict in the first place since you are sober now. The child doesn't deserve it, and neither do you. Have kids with someone who's clean and cares for your child as much as you as well as care for you enough to not be doing such things around you :)
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