A
female
age
36-40,
*ands_down317
writes:I don't know why, but my boyfriend asked me how many guys I had slept with, I believe in honesty so I told him the truth even though I don't understand what the point is, it's him that I want. After I told him he kind of went all silent then said his number which was a little higher then mine and continued on to tell me an experience he had with this one girl in a field, which obviously I wouldn't want to hear.Later on he told me he made up the story about the girl and lied about the number of girls he slept with and his number was less then mine, I still don't get why this is so important! It bugged him that I've slept with more people. I can't change my passed, there were reasons I slept with so many of guys, reasons that I'm not proud of. But now he's treating me differently and saying that we should stop having sex, and sort of avoiding me. Please don't tell me to break up with him because I think there are other options before that... I just don't know what those other options are. If you have any advice you could give me on how to make him see that my heart is just for him, I'd really apprechiate it.Thanks 3 Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): To shed some light on why he feels bad and jealous is because he probably feels that sex with him isn't as great as the other guys you've been with.Whatever you do, don't lie to him by saying he is the best if he isn't.
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (4 June 2009):
 It can be really tough for some guys to cope once they've found out that someone they are with has slept with lots of others. It just takes the feeling of intimacy and excitement away from it all.
Think of it this way.
If a man that you loved looked you deeply in the eyes and said "I love you! You are the only girl I have ever loved." Think of how much weight that would carry knowing that you were the only girl he gave his heart to. It would be pretty awesome right?
Well, we all know that we all have pasts and you being someone’s only love is a bit unrealistic, so if he looked at you and said, "I love you! You are only the third girl in my life that I have ever loved." It would still be pretty awesome. You would still feel really special right.
What if he was like, "You are the thirteenth girl I've ever loved." Huh? The words "I love you" kind of lose their luster a little bit. I mean how special would you feel knowing he gives his heart to pretty much anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat.
He could have his reasons. Like his self-esteem was low at the time or he wanted to feel close to somebody so he said I love you to fling after fling to make it feel like he was in a relationship again. Then there was that night he really wanted sex so he told a girl he loved her just to get into her pants. Then there was that girl on summer vacation that he fell in love with because they had such great chemistry. And the girl from spring break. Then there were those two twins that he fell in love with at the same time, etc.
How special would you feel knowing all of this? You are not supposed to feel upset because everyone has a past and his is really none of your business. But hey, he chose you... to love... for now at least. That should count for something right? Except knowing what you now know, when this man of what you thought was of your dreams looks deeply into your eyes and tells you he loves you, all you can think about is him saying the same thing to that one night stand, or those twins, or that summer fling. See it cheapens those words. They have no weight anymore.
Sex is just like that for some guys. It’s cheapened when it’s just given away to anyone and everyone. There is no intimacy to the act anymore. What should be a deeply emotional bonding experience becomes nothing more than a fun roller coaster ride.
Sure he can love you for all of your other great attributes, but he'll never feel that sex with you is that special or exclusive.
Me? I have never been able to separate love from sex. I truly loved the two girls I have ever been intimate with.
It's hard for me to understand how my girl whom I love, could give her body to so many others and not give her heart to them as well.
That's just how it is for some guys.
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A
female
reader, Ms.Helper  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 At least you told the truth! He should be grateful that you didn't lie to him, like he 'made up' that thing with field girl.
I would have thought it was a good thing that you told the truth about such a serious thing, at least he knows it's less likely you'll lie to him about other things!
Fair enough, he's going to be a bit freaked out if he's just found out how many other people you've slept with, but like you said, that's your past, you can't change it, and you slept with them for a reason; end of.
He just needs to forgive you and get over it as harsh as that sounds.
He's got to move on, otherwise your relationship is going nowhere.
Good luck. X
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): everyone makes mistakes, maybe if you tell him you were immature then , and he is the man you wanna be with, maybe he changes his mind. I also have some advice. if you slept witht hat many guys, then you should check yourself for STD's. I dont mean to scare you, but in this day and age you can't trust anybody.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (4 June 2009):
 It's funny, people ask so many questions they don't really want the answer to. There is only one right answer to the questions they ask, and apparently yours was not the right one.I think it's great that you were honest, as for how you can make him see he is the one for you all you can do is communicate and hope that he's a big enough person to accept it.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (4 June 2009):
 why don't you try talking to him about it.find out the real truth as to why he is acting funny about it when he is the one whom asked about your past.perhaps he is just a little jealous that you've slept with alot more people and he was hoping that he would of.you need to really sit down with him and have a heart to heart and find out the real truth as to why he ended up going all funny on you because of the past.
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