A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Ive been sleeping with a guy at work but weve never had a relationship because he said he didnt want to commit. I didnt mind I just thought it was a bit of fun at the time nothing serious. Then last month I went on holiday for a week and when I come back I find that he is going out with another girl. At first I was not that bothered but now Im wondering why he told me he didnt want a commitment and then he goes out with another girl. Ive also realised how much I like him now hes going out with someone else and its so hard for me. Ive decided to ignore him at work cos Im finding it difficult but Im worried this might make me seem immature. But I dont want to be his friend either or get along with him the way I used to (we used to get on really well before this). I dont work closely with him but I often see him around the building during the day. Today I bumped into him and didnt say anything. He asked me why I was ignoring him I said I was upset that he had a new girlfriend. Then I just said I will speak to him but only in a work way and asked him to not flirt with me and if his gf splits up with him Ive told him not to bother thinking he can come back to me. He said fine. Then I just turned round and walked off, but I was cryin when I walked away but he didnt see. But how do I deal with this? I suppose in the back of my mind I knew it would happen eventually but Im finding it hard to deal with. Also Im insulted at why he told me he didnt want a commitment but then goes out with someone else almost straight away.
View related questions:
at work, flirt, immature, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ms.Helper +, writes (4 June 2009):
 No offence, but he got what he wanted. He told you he didn't want to commit for a reason, because he didn't want to get the state that your in. You've obviously got feelings for him, which he didn't want.
You knew what you were letting yourself in for from the beginning because he told you, you're just going the wrong way about it. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, you should get over it and move on to someone who will commit to you.
He made it clear, it's not his fault you've gained feelings for him. He's made everything clear, just walk away now. And don't 'ignore and avoid' him, that just makes you look like a kid that can't face what you've done.
Good luck x
A
male
reader, passionatelynumb  +, writes (4 June 2009):
 It sounds like he just wasn't that into you. I know its cliché' but it happens to everybody. I'm sure there have been guys out there who liked you, but no matter how nice they were to you, you just weren't that attracted to them.
You were his f**k buddy and not much more. At least he was upfront about that. Its not like he lied to you or anything. I know the fact that he was having sex with you made you feel like their might be something between you, but he was probably just enjoying the attention until something better came along. I mean, there aren't very many guys out there that are going to refuse a chance at commitment free sex.
I recommend that you establish some sort of commitment before sleeping with the next guy. I am sure the sex will be much more fulfilling knowing the guy actually likes you as opposed to just wanting to get another notch in his belt.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2009): oh dearhe was only in it with you for the sex, but I suppose you realise that now. And yes you would feel insulted that he said he didnt want a commitment but then found someone else within a week, after all you have been rejected.I think the best way to deal with this is to realise he is a prat, I mean to say, a week? And how dense of him to have to ask why you were ignoring him, has he no brains?? Seems notWhile you are going through the grieving process just keep reminding yourself what a lucky escape you have had, and next time, please, be a little more discriminate about who you sleep with and who you dont.
...............................
A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (4 June 2009):
I think he said he didn't want to commit because he knew then on that you were not his type for that type of relationship. He pretty much set it up with friends with benefits.Realize it for what it was and even though it may make you mad, just realize the signs and not to let it happen again. You were dealt a nasty blow, so learn from it and request more from yourself and others before you give something up that is special.
...............................
A
male
reader, alphamale +, writes (4 June 2009):
well whenever someone says they dont want a relationship, you have to read between the lines, because what they're trying to say is that they dont want a relationship with you! i think you should just let it go because it was just a fling and nothing more. you shouldn't get too attsched to someone who isnt committe to you
...............................
|
