A
female
age
36-40,
*loudysunshine
writes:Hi, just wanted a little moan again. I'm so fed up of feeling sad, and worrying about things. I split with my bf five months ago, and although I don't want him back, I miss being in a relationship. He's moved on fast, which he's entitled to do, but I feel so low. After five years with the same person, I feel depressed at the thought of life as it is now. I have a great family, but I just can't stop crying. I'm on medication called citalopram but I don't know if it's helping yet. Please help, has anyone had a break up after a long time and felt like this? I feel like a different person and I'm so drained of feeling down.
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female
reader, cloudysunshine +, writes (15 April 2009):
cloudysunshine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments. I'm only on 10mg a day atm they don't seem to help so am going back to the doctors. Have began some counselling too. Thank you all for your advice!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2009): Hi hunI was in a similiar situation myself!! Was with a guy for 2years and all of a sudden it was over!! I was devasted and ritely so because your grieving for a loss!! Your gonna feel like shit for awhile and the hard fact is is that your goona feel like this until you get out there and do things to take your mind off it!! Sounds like your wollowing (and i dont mean to sound nasty)Go out,get a hobby start dating and whatever else get off those pills that your on cos in the long run they are not good for you!!I honestly just woke up one morning and said I have to start looking at life in a positive way again!! When your feeling down go for a walk and keep telling yourself that everything will get better and that happiness is just around the corner!!Trust me it works!!!
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A
female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (13 April 2009):
Hey! That happened to me a few years ago. I was also put on Citalopram as well! What dosage do they have you on? They started me at 5mg but I didn't start noticing a difference until they had increased it to 20mg.But anyway...my relationship was a lot less than 5 years but I was feeling just like you. I could not stop crying, the guy moved on 1 week after the breakup but had hid it (as the ex and the new girl and I were all in the same university program) I didn't find out about the new girl til about a month later and I don't know what hurt worse: that he had someone new or that he had been lying about it. Although I was dumb enough to make the mistake of keeping in contact and still seeing him occasionally and he lied straight to my face about this other girl.I had great support from friends and family but the problem was that no one else knew exactly what I was going through. You're stuck in that stage where you don't want them back but you miss what you had with "someone". You miss the feeling of having somebody to be with, love and have the same in return. And another one of my big issues was I spent SO MUCH TIME with him and he had become such a big part of my life that I didn't remember what life was like BEFORE him. I had so much extra time on my hands and nothing to do with it, so I would sit and my mind would think of nothing but him: what he was doing, was he out trying to find someone else, and reliving when life with him was "the good times".If there is anything I can offer you...see what your dosage of your Citalopram is, and how long you have been taking it? It didn't kick in for me til about a month after being on the 20mg dose. And it helps some and not others, but you could try writing out what is kind of a "pros vs cons" list. Mine was specifically on all the bad things of the previous relationship and there were A LOT. And then you can put together a pros list which is moreso qualities of your past relationship that you want in your future---qualities of both the type of man you want, and the qualities of a relationship you want. When you are feeling down you can look at it to remind you of what you do and dont want in your future.I hope this helps, good luck.
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I'm only assuming this is a "first love" deal considering your posted age and how long you say you and and your ex were together: The first love/break-up is the worst and hardest to get over. And honey, I went through the exact same thing that you're currently going through. I'm still going through it, to be honest. My ex and I were together for two years and broke up four months ago. He was my everything, my entire world, and I sincerely thought he was the one. But when it turns out that things just won't go your way and you've tried changing for the person (even though you really shouldn't) and did all of this but still to no avail, it is time to move on. My ex was an abuser and a cheater and it helped that most of my friends and all of my family hated him because then I was able to move on quicker and easier.For now, though, keep yourself on the medication so you don't end up thinking about doing something you will definitely later regret - trust me, I know about this stage in the break-up process. But now is the time to start exploring the outside world; you're single, so literally be selfish and do things your own way because this is the time when you don't need to answer to a damn person other than yourself! Look into taking up new hobbies and hanging out with people you haven't hung out with a while. Socialize and become familiar with more than just your bedroom and teary eyes. Five years is a rather long time for someone your/our age and after only five months of being single, yes, it is still going to sting like the day you broke up - although maybe a little less harsh.I guarantee you you will never forget this young man you were with for such a long time, but over the course of the next however many years, you will meet another man who treats you the way you want and need to be treated. Like a queen. A man who would never ever purposely hurt you and if did on accident, he would do everything and anything in his power to make it up to you. Be good to yourself, cloudysunshine. We've all been there before and yes, you WILL come out alive. Good luck!
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male
reader, Matt269 +, writes (13 April 2009):
 You should do your best to move on. Try going on dates. Try finding someone else. Do your best to stay positive and move on. I know its hard because I am going through a break up too and it hurts like hell. But at least you know he has moved on so you have to also. You have to stop dwelling on the past. be in the present. Meet new people. Stay positive. You will find someone who will make you happy and be perfect for you. Just keep trying and don't give up. if you have a positive outlook the universe has a way of making things work out. Just have faith.
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