A
male
age
36-40,
*ohnx
writes:I come from a very religious family (my father is a pastor) I am a youth pastor. Just a little over a year ago a young girl joined our church she was married to a very abusive man and had a 1 yr old son and was pregnancy. I helped her leave her abusive relationship, helped get her a job through our church, housing etc I was even there when she delivered her second son. She stated working with our youth program and after spending a lot of time together we started dating. We have now been together for 3 months but no one from our church or my parents know. i understand that we are old enough to make our own decisions but I would like to have my parents blessing. But i am unsure how they would look at our relationship given the fact that she is still legally married and has a "ready made family".How do I tell them I love her and her kids, and what will my church members think.God Bless,Jon Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): Hi, Me again... I suppose you are to question what is important to your personal beliefs? Are you to question what others think? What is an an affair? Are you deceiving anyone? Can you be true to yourself? Would god be happy that you have helped this woman? Why did you help?I agree get her to speed up the divorce if you both want to be together BUT NEVER LIE. If TRUST goes you will have a difficult road. Be TRUE and strong on your chosen road and NOBODY can berate TRUTH, even if they do not agree... so long as it's YOUR truth then it comes from YOUR soul, which incidentally belongs to God I think.via con dios
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): HiYou may not like my answer to..what will the church members think? if it were Godly thoughts, I guess they would think....Happy thoughts as you are all happy and after all LOVE is the very thing your members go to church for is it not? learning not to judge others. I hope they will be pleased for you, if not...then they should attend church more often and learn what they LISTEN too.Your parents blessing i hope you get.via con dios
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): you are actually having an affair with a married woman. i do not think that as a youth pastor you are setting a good example. your intentions may be good but the reality is SHE IS MARRIED. you were her knight in shining armour while she went through her marriage problems. all her emotions are now transferred to you, her rescuer.are you just her rebound relationship, please think carefully and choose wisely. When she is legally divorced then perhaps things can carry on as a normal couple but for now, the affair has to stop.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 I agree with Satin, I don't think your parents will be too upset if she is legally divorced. It may come as shock but if people have been seeing you at church, someone head over heels in love can be pretty easy to spot, they may already suspect something's going on. Get her going on that divorce and the best of luck. Let us know how it works out.
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A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother  +, writes (13 April 2009):
 Dear JonFirstly I just wanted to say what a kind, supportive man you sound. There seem to be three main issues here:1. Your girlfriend is still married and I suspect that neither you nor your family are/will be comfortable with that.2. You are right when you say you will be taking on an instant family. It's a massive responsibility and it will also mean that your girlfriend will probably always have to have contact of some sort with her ex, because of the children.3. A 'secret' relationship is not right and you know that.I feel that a serious discussion with your girlfriend is needed to establish what both of you are hoping for long-term. If you both think this relationship is serious and has the potential to last, then you know in your heart the only thing to do is be honest and tell your family.If you were my son I would be concerned for you but ultimately I would want you to be happy and I would offer my support. I hope your family will feel the same way.I send you my best wishes.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (13 April 2009):
 well i think first you should get that divorcee finalized. Im a Christian so i can see why some would disapprove but i think that as long as she is actually divorced then your doing the right thing and you shouldn't be too worried. They might have there objections at first but all things just take time.
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